Archives for October 2017

All in all yesterday was a very good day. The only thing not good was that I didn’t finish planning my novel as I had wanted. Which wsa kind of the most important thing for that day. Well.

But. We did manage to move the boy’s desk, computer, chair and mattress to his new room upstairs which is making us all very happy. That took a chunk of time out of my day. In the process he learned how to mop a floor, clean a toilet (by his own request), and use the washing machine. All very important milestones.

I ran 5K rather slowly because I’m still having a cold, and so I took it slow. I also went grocery shopping because today and tomorrow are public holidays, and all the shops will be closed.

When I finally sat down for a little break around 2.30 I was forcefully reminded why I usually try to do my creative work in the mornings before everybody else is up. First my husband sat down next to me to tell me how his creative work had been interrupted by an email, and how now his whole day was blown out of the water because he would no longer be able to focus on his most important project.

I then went to my studio and did my usual singing and piano warmups while starting to thing about the novel.

Then my husband came in again to talk about something with me again, and shortly after he left the boy came because the wifi was acting up, and I spent another 50 minutes re-configuring the repeater, as one does, and then there was the laundry to hang up and dinner to make.

Let’s recap: I had four hours of time yesterday afternoon for planning my novel, making a bit of music, and having a break or two, and all I managed was about thirty minutes of warmup.

The boy and I watched an episode of Star Trek TNG while eating dinner, and afterwards my husband was done with teaching, and we opened a bottle of champagne, and listened to a progressive metal musical the boy had found, and wanted to show us. Very nice family evening, something we don’t do often.

But.

No novel-planning which is driving me completely crazy.

Today there will be the planning of the novel, hopefully a bit of strength training, practice, and then my husband and I will take a train to Munich for döner, a concert, and maybe drinks afterwards.

A big part of me would rather stay home but then I always prefer staying home. I just hope I won’t fall asleep during the concert again.

And tomorrow I’ll start writing that novel. Planned or not. I just hope I can find a way of actually using the time I have during the day. I’m not ready to get up at five again.

Yesterday I decided to take a day off to nurse my cold. It’s already much better but I’m still sniffling.

I spent a lot of time reading, made a bit of music, knitted three gauge swatches for the sweater I want to make next, and that was about it. For once I did do enough to not feel cranky at the end of the day. A nice balance between actually moving things forward and relaxing. Oh, and I started planning the November novel. Finally. I decided to use Janice Hardy’s book „Planning Your Novel“ (Amazon-affiliate link). So far I’ve made good progress and am almost convinced that I’ll have a plan come Wednesday.

Today marks the day I’m allowed to drink alcohol again.

I know I said that I’d wait until November 8th but I changed my mind. I found that not drinking any alcohol does not make a measurable difference in my sleep. It does make a difference on the scales but even there – I can easily eat enough to make up for that. Not drinking any alcohol wasn’t hard at all. After the first few days I just resigned myself to drinking something else instead.

We did try a couple of non-alcoholic wines and I have to say that I’d rather drink water. We drink alcohol-free beer all the time anyways. Every day for lunch my husband and I share one, for example.

I did miss the taste, and the marking of events by drinking alcohol. Having a beer at night for me means that it’s the weekend. Going out to a restaurant is something I like celebrating with a beer too. But then if one celebrates too many things with alcohol that can become somewhat dangerous. So I like taking some time off here and there.

I’m doing the same with certain foods. Sweets, chocolate, and potato chips all signify special treats for me so I need to be aware, and not consume too many of them. I eat when I’m feeling down, when I’m feeling particuarly festive, when I’m angry, when I had a bad day, when I had a very good day, and if I don’t pay attention that can lead to me eating sweets all day long which wrecks havoc with my blood sugar and makes me gain weight.

So I’ve been a little stricter with my chocolate rationing in the past week, mostly unsuccessfully. If I can’t manage eating only a sane amount I will have to abstain completely for some time. We’ll see. At least I’m no longer binge-eating chocolate right before my bedtime because that definitely messes with my sleep.

But with the alcohol I have to say that I thought it would make more of a difference. It’s good that it didn’t. That tells me I don’t need to stop drinking it altogether.

And now I need to get on with the planning of the novel.

And I didn't manage to get to that one in time either. I really have to work on this, I hate being late. But when I go somewhere by bike it's much easier to just procrastinate a little longer, and go a little later.

The bike ride there was great, fall colors everywhere, the sun shining with little clouds in the sky but a little windy. It did get really windy until I went back home, and now it's stormy and gray.

The spinning meeting was really nice, I met people I hadn't seen in ages, and I made good progress on the burgundy merino. The food was very good as well but didn't quite agree with me.

The only thing I really don't like about cafès and restaurants is that tea always comes in these tiny pots that are barely bigger than a regular cup.

We all headed back home around two after a great time, and I went along with one of the spinners (who is apparently reading this blog as I learned – waves) so I found a really beautiful scenic route along the water.

At home I didn't do much of anything for the rest of the day, and in the evening found that a) the Sophie's Universe-blanket is big enough to keep me warm already, and b) I can't really watch TV while working on it. (Can't read while working on it either because I have to really look at what I'm doing most of the time.)

I did call my mother because of her birthday, and she seems to like the songs I did record. Phew. We only talked a little but she had a few people over and her sister had baked a cake but she was already headed back to bed after an hour. I must say I was surprised she lasted that long. Maybe she is starting to get better already.

Today there wont be much. I am having a cold so I'm planning to drink a lot of tea. I will sit and read, and make a little music, and knit a gauge swatch for the sweater I'm planning to work on in November, and maybe there will be a minute or two of thinking about the new novel but that's that.

A relaxed Sunday, what a treat!

So yesterday morning my blog was down. Bummer. There had been scheduled maintenance the night before, and as a result of that I needed to change a password, only no one told me. I managed to get that going again with help from support but it took me an hour of my precious time. And while I’m trying to be all stoic, and was determined not to get all flustered about it, of course I didn’t manage that. Still practicing.

I do need to become less easily triggered emotionally in the long run, really, this is ridiculous. Every tiny little thing sends me into a tailspin. Even when I know something is not a big deal, or is something I can’t do anything about. I guess more meditation practice, better sleep, and more reading of stoic literature is in order.

I did the weekly pseudo-cleaning of the house which was very good, and I made pizza from scratch, and taught all the students, and watched „Star Trek: TNG“ with the boy last night which was basically the highlight of my day. The series became better and better starting in season 2 so now he likes it too, and doesn’t only watch because it’s something one needs to know.

I went to bed only a little late but didn’t sleep well. I have now confirmed that eating a lot of dark chocolate right before bed will make my sleep restless. I don’t like this but I shouldn’t eat that much anyway so maybe that’s a good thing. I did a little better last week but I still am binge-eating against the overwhelm and fatigue. Funny enough it doesn’t really work (it never does) but it feels like it does which is why I keep doing it. Maybe I should start taking mini-naps instead of eating. Not that I find the idea in any way appealing.

Today I will go to yet another spinning meeting I haven’t been to before. This one is at a restaurant which means no wheels. I’m taking the never-ending burgundy merino and a spindle. I carded the fiber I want to spin today two days ago, and packed my bag yesterday. Now I only need to take a shower, wash my hair, make a phone call, and then I’ll bike to the meeting.

It is really cold ouside so I have to remember to take a hat, scarf, and gloves. Hat hair is nothing compared to wearing a knitted hat under a bike helmet right after washing your hair. I guess I’ll use the hair dryer for once but it won’t make any difference anyways.

Well, the day was not that slow that I didn't do anything but I only ran 5K instead of the longer run I had contemplated, and I didn't clean the house because my husband asked me not to.

Which was a mistake, by the way.

I had asked him if it would be alright if I did the cleaning in the afternoon while he had a long break between students. He said rather not because then I'd be busily running around making noise while he would want to get things done. Fair enough.

The he went outside and raked leaves for 1 1/2 hours. Which was the exact amount of time I would have needed for the cleaning. Bad planning. I should have realized that once he was outside he'd spend a longer time there.

Instead I sat down, practiced a bit, and then spent a lot of time reading the internet. Blah.

Then there was teaching, and the skipping of the strength training (I have all but given up on doing strength training on Thursdays, it just never happens. I'm thinking of moving Thursday strength training back to Friday which would mean no official recovery day from exercise but then what I'm doing is not that strenuous anyway. And this week I could also declare both Wednesday and Saturday non-exercise days because all I did (or will be doing) is riding my bike a few kilometers which falls in the same category as walking around town diong errands.)

My son is no help with the strength training, he keeps dodging it whenever he can. Fun! I'm not all that motivated as well because I don't see any forward momentum. I need to change something up again so that I can see progress.

I know, it's weird. My husband is exercising for maintenance. He does the same thing every time, and is happy about it. He doesn't feel the need to run faster or get stronger or anything, he is just content staying where he is. I, on the other hand, am still secretly dreaming of running marathons, and being able to do handstand pushups. Part of me is also utterly convinced that I'll never get there but I'll try, slowly and steadily, anyways.

I'm not quite sure this is about goals as such. I do set myself goals all the time, and I do move towards them but I don't feel all bad when I don't reach them. Like when I hurt my hip I didn't cry because all my running progress was lost. I just switched to swimming and biking instead. And then, when my hip was better again, I just started over. Because this is not about running one race, this is about exercising day in and day out for the long run to stay healthy and fit. I also don't actually run in races. If I ever manage to run 21K I will do it all on my own, step out the house, run my 21K, come back home, and celebrate quietly. And two days later I will probably go out for a long walk or something.

As you can tell I have thought a lot about setting goals lately. And why it might be a good thing to set them even if you never quite reach them. Contrary to popular advice I like keeping my goals a little vague. I don't set dates any more. Like a publishing date for my trilogy. Because I had to move that date further and further away, and it made me feel like a failure. But I still won't give up on publishing the thing. I'm hoping for some time next year because as things are going that won't happen in the next few months.

Well. This will all become rather interesting next month because of the whole “writing a novel in a month”-thing. Speaking of goals, I had planned to have the new novel all outlined by now. That hasn't happened. I'm hoping for Sunday and Monday where I will miraculoucly become a different person, and sit down to produce a beautiful, detailed outline of the novel that right now is just a rather vague idea in my head with a main character and not much else.

Yeah, that will be fun!

 

Phew. I might have to take things slow today because yesterday was certainly pretty full.

I did manage to get the birthday present for my mother all done, wrapped up, and in the mail. That was my main task for the morning, and I found that I had to skip my run in order to achieve it. Boo for skipping the run but at least I walked a few thousand steps to the post office. Of course the boy did not manage to finish the birthday card in time, so I sent the whole thing off without it.

The CD with the songs I recorded is now done. Which makes me feel a lot lighter. It is nowhere near perfect, and even the cover is only soso, but I decided that done is better than perfect, and now that thing is no longer haunting me. Chances are that it will arrive in time even. Also I realized that giving my mother a CD is a bit problematic because my parents’ stereo is not working. But then I had the idea of sending her the songs as MP3s to her phone on her actual birthday. I hope she can get her phone to play them but then we’ll worry about that later.

In good news she will be getting household help three times a week through her health insurance. Her doctor’s office was immediately on it when it became clear that she had to leave the hospital. And they got her all stocked up on medication and everything. And her sisters are helping around the house, and cooking meals.

Yesterday after lunch I had a little time to practice, and to try my new ukulele out properly. It’s really, really nice. I have to get used to it being so thin but I love it.

I also spent a little time carding some more merino so I have something to spin on Saturday’s spinning meeting.

And then I taught some students, and then I rode my bike to a parents meeting. I had wanted to ride through the woods but the light on my bike is too feeble for that. It is starting to get really dark already in the evenings. So I had to ride along the big street but that’s alright as well, there’s a bike path all the way to Munich, and so one can mostly just ride along.

The evening was nice, good pizza, tolerable alcoholfree beer, and great company. My one problem with evenings like this is just that every single person I meet stays with me for weeks or months, and I wonder about them, and their children, and how they are, and keep thinking about them all the time, and then I think a lot about my own son and me, and how things are going for us, and if there’s something we should be doing different. Of course, every single time I end up deciding that no, things are fine as they are, no need to change anything.

I also end up really grateful every time for having a son who doesn’t really have problems in school. Not with schoolwork and grades (he does complain a lot and is doing the least work he can get away with but is doing okay) and not with other students (he does wish he had more friends, and would like to find people more interested in gaming and D&D but that’s all).

Of course I went to bed way too late, as expected, but my little sleep tracker tells me I got 3 1/2 hours of deep sleep regardless, so everything’s fine, apparently.

Two more days until fall break, and a little less than six until NaNoWriMo. Very exciting.