Yesterday I went to M.unich again because of my monthly writer’s meeting. I went early, as I’m wont to do, to get some errands run. I was totally set on spending money, and I had a list:

• iPod cover
• yarn
• paper to print business cards on
• pajamas
• pants
• map?

You know what I brought home with me? A bottle of wine and two bags of chips, and this is why.

I had added the map at the last minute because as I was looking up the way to get to my meeting (new location this month) I found that our current map of the big city had a price tag that still read “DM”. It’s been Euros for nine years now, a whole new highway has been built since then, also about a dozen new train stations.

The one thing that I didn’t put on the list was “bottle of wine”. I forgot to but I still had to buy one because I had promised to bring one, then found that for reasons I can’t fathom we had only one bottle of red wine left in the house which – while very tasty – looks like a cheap bottle of wine. And while I can tell people to “Just go on and taste it, it’s really good.” at my house, it just doesn’t look good as a gift.

So I left the house with a full wallet and the intention to pick up a bottle of wine on my way to the train station at the local health food store. Which hasn’t gone out of business, woohoo, though it had been a close call. I went in there, looked for wine, couldn’t find the one I wanted, found that all the other brands were wines we had tried and found inferior and decided to just get a bottle of wine in the city.

I hopped on the train, and made a plan of how to buy everything on my list without having to go into too many stores, and without crossing back. Just like a puzzle, like you do. First thing I went to the yarn shop. I knew what I wanted, two balls of yarn to knit my husband another hat because he accidentally felted the one I made him before. (Our son is very happy with his very cool new hat, though.) I also wanted another ball in the same color and some turquoise or so to make matching mittens. I went into the shop, looked at the shelves, found two balls of the light grey I wanted, and then I started looking for a contrasting colorway. I stood there for about ten minutes, pulling out balls of yarn and reading labels because their yarn is sorted according to color which makes finding the same yarn in different colors really slow. In the end I didn’t find a color that I liked, there were only two balls of the grey though I need four, and so I left the shop without buying anything.

I briefly thought about going into another shop for the yarn but then I came to my senses again, and remembered that that’s always what I do, and inevitably the other stores have even smaller selections of yarn.

To relax a bit I then went on to find myself a bottle of wine, and succeeded, and then – because I was so frustrated already – the two bags of chips somehow found their way into my bag. I’m really proud that I didn’t buy any candy, though, I’m trying to go candy-free at the moment, and I thought that would be a bit counter-productive. (Whereas buying potato chips is entirely reasonable, of course.)

Next I went to the apple store where I had never been before in my life, and tried to buy a case for my iPod touch to use when I’m exercising. I wanted something with velcro I could fasten on my arm or some such thing. I entered the store, and thought, “Where is all the stuff?” I only saw a lot of computers on tables, and a lot of people playing with them. I started looking around for the accessories. I also would have bought a nice little cheap lightweight external hard drive if I had seen one that had caught my fancy. After a while I gathered that maybe what I was looking for was upstairs. So I went up, and right there were things to buy. And I have to say I even did find a case just like I had wanted but, sadly, about double the price I had been willing to spend. So I thought to myself, “I’ll just buy some velcro and make myself a case out of leftover fabric.”

I didn’t really want to go into the paper store after that so I tried to find what I wanted somewhere else – and failed. And I thought, “I’ll just use that old orange paper I have lying around, who needs fancy business cards anyway.” (I know the faulty thinking in that but I thought it anyway.)

Next the dreaded clothing store. I need to replace both pajamas and pants because of the two functioning pairs of each that I have one is falling to pieces. Literally. Both my comfortable jeans and my not-as-loved pajamas have big honking holes in them, and are not really fit for wearing anymore. What bugs me the most are the jeans because I bought them only about a year ago, and they were quite expensive. Now, I don’t mind spending money on pants, especially if they fit, but this amounts to 12.9 € a month I spend on jeans. And that’s not considering that I have been wearing this pair of jeans with holes in it for a couple of months now. They are my “home jeans”.

So I decided to buy some cheap jeans instead. Nothing fits me right anyway. One thing that quickly wears out on my pants these days is the place where I always grab them to yank them up. I’ve seriously considered wearing suspenders. It’s annoying. I get up from a chair – yank. I sit down – yank. I walk a bit – yank. It’s completely automatic right now but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to wear something that doesn’t threaten to expose my underwear. So, this time, cheap jeans.

I really tried. I looked at everything. I wanted this to work. Black pants would have been fine, jeans would have been fine, pinstripes, no matter, something that fit me. You know, in the end I didn’t even try anything on. I looked at the cut of almost every pair of pants they had in there and instantly I could see why I had started buying more expensive jeans.

Next to the pajamas. Pajamas are easy. They can be baggy, they don’t have to look particularly smashing, I’m content with everything if it has long sleeves and pants, is made from a stretchy, jersey material, and is not pink or has any cute animals on it.

I’m sorry to say I didn’t find pajamas either. Everything was pink or with bows or beige or had horrible things printed on. So I thought to myself, “I’ll just buy some jersey and make myself some pajama bottoms, and use the top that I have from the pajamas I bought last time where I didn’t bother to try them on first, and now I have pajama pants I can’t even pull up properly.”

The only thing left on my list was the map. I already felt quite dejected by the consumer culture, and so I thought the book store would cheer me up. One can always find a book, right?

Well, I went all through the store, I went to the section where they keep the maps, I looked into self-help books, and novels, and life style and whatever, and I left with – nothing. Of course, this might have had something to do with the two dozen or so books I bought in the past months but then it also might have had something to do with all the heaps of “I’m a bestseller, buy me!”-books there that I don’t have any interest in reading. You can’t really browse because the things they have in stock are mostly “the book of the day”, and that’s it. When I complained to a saleswoman at my local bookstore about how few books they had there she said, “But we can get every book within a few days.” Yeah, you can but I also can get every book through the internet in a few days, and then I don’t have to leave my house (twice, once to order, and the second time to pick the book up), it’s faster, and I don’t have to spell the title for somebody, or have a debate on whether this particular book exists or not. I was polite that time (that was a long time ago), I didn’t say, “I know it exists. I could have ordered it on the internet and have it here faster and cheaper but I wanted to support local business.”

It’s also worth noting that with all the time I spent in shops clearly looking for specific things to buy not one sales person talked to me. None. No one asked me if they could help me, or what I wanted or anything. I just wandered around on my own, getting more and more frustrated.

So, what have I learned through this? I really should never expect to find anything I need in the city. Or at most local stores. I used to love to go shopping with enough money. At least for a bit. But these days I always seem to come back empty-handed.

So now I’ll have to make another list. It’s titled, “Things I have to sew:” I hope I can get around to it before my one pair of pants, and one pair of pajamas wear out as well.

Oh, and an interesting fact: I couldn’t find a map of the city in the city. Well, not the one I wanted anyways. There are very small ones without some of the suburbs, and I found one of those. (Not in the book store, not next to the other maps, though. I could have bought one of Madrid, or Hamburg, or a travel guide to Siberia. All great things to have but a map of the city? Much more practical for me.) I won’t give up though. One day I’ll have everything on my list, plus a fabulous bottle of wine.

… a lot has happened during the past two weeks or so, and I don’t really know where to start blogging about it all.

• I have a new piano, and one of these days I’ll show you a picture. One of these days when it’s not raining or snowing or totally grey outside (or dark, like it’s now).
• I took part in the ravelympics. That’s like olympic games for knitters. I knitted and spun almost day and night, and I have medals to show for it.
• Also, I have designed a new lace pattern, and have high plans to make the pattern available for the public, plus “publishing” the other lace pattern I made. You know, the one I finished in November.
• One day in the future you might even hear me playing my new piano on this here blog. Who knows. A friend of mine has already been complaining that there are no new songs to listen to.
• I finished a kick-ass story last month which you will be able to read here shortly. (At least that one is finished.) It’s all very exciting because it’s something I really considered finished. And the writing is quite unusual for me. No la-la-la-sort-of-chick-lit but it actually has adjectives.
• At the last spinning meeting I tried a friend’s spindles, and I really, really loved them. I even loved them better than my beloved Golding spindle. I was good though, I didn’t snatch them from her and took them home, I didn’t even go home and ordered some right on the spot, no, I sold two of my spindles first to raise the money for buying new ones. (People who buy new pianos should practice a spot of restraint in spending money.)
• Especially since both the car and the heating broke in the last weeks. Both just after I ordered the piano, of course. But all is well now.
• I signed up for NaNoEdMo because I thought it would be a good idea to edit one of my attempts at novels. I hadn’t thought about the fact that in order to successfully edit it I will have to spend something like 50 hours with my manuscript this month. So far I have done nothing but unearth the manuscript, and finding the editing pen that a friend gave me at the celebratory dinner after my first NaNoWriMo in 2006. Finding the manuscript was easier than I had thought. I opened my file cabinet, looked for the folder marked “NaNoWriMo novels” and pulled the manuscript out. Actually I thought I would have to spend ages digging through piles of paper but no.
• I’ll give you an update on my “year of happiness” as well.
• Some day.

So there will be at least something on this blog in the near future. How have you all been?

You could say I have started my very own “happiness project“. I was not feeling happy in 2009 and the same in 2008 which I only recalled when I looked up my word of the year for 2009 and found out that a) the word wasn’t “healing” as I had thought, and b) in 2009 I was seriously disappointed with 2008.

I don’t want to go on adding one unhappy year to another. The question of course is “why so unhappy?” and there isn’t really an answer. My life isn’t particularly hard, all my loved ones are healthy and safe but you can see that I’m unhappy, you see it when you look at me and there are about 16 kilos of unhappiness on my frame that weren’t there before. Of course my first impulse was to focus on “do better, use more willpower, never eat sugar again”-plan but then that one never works. A case in point being that the two words I chose for 2009 were “discipline” and “abundance”, and by august I had already forgotten about them. Though I have to say, the “abundance”-part did happen. So that was nice. And I did find out what was wrong with me which helps with the healing (word of the year of 2008).

So, while I’m obviously doing something wrong with the whole word of the year concept I still want to chose one, like a motto for 2010 and I’m focusing on happiness. I have this feeling if I concentrate on being happy the rest of my life will fall into place as well. Now, first thing I did was order a book – well, okay, several. I bought “The happiness project“, of course. I have been a longtime fan of Gretchen’s blog and with that theme I had planned for this year, how could I not? I also bought “Refuse to Choose. A Revolutionary Program for Doing Everything That You Love”, and for good measure “Unclutter Your Life in One Week“.

I also made a couple of resolutions because only thinking yourself happy is not enough, I know from experience that there will be some doing in the process, and that the road to feeling happier is also plastered with tiny little baby steps that might make me feel worse in the short run. So my resolutions so far are:

1. Go to bed on time: (Yes, I know, what else is new.) I know that this has been on my list forever. But I actually managed to sleep enough during winter break. Since school started, though, I had one night with adequate sleep. Out of seven or so. But I’ll do better, I promise.
2. Pick up after myself: Already my own room (maybe I should start calling this my studio, sounds so much better) looks almost civilized and my husband likes this new/old habit of mine very much already.
3. Write 500 words of fiction at least six times a week: This is working great. That’s because there is a group, or at least a banner, so every night when I think that all I want is to sit and watch “Torchwood” for the fourth time I push myself to write my 500 words or more. And – surprise – having written them makes me really happy.
4. Think about the things I love about my family, students, and friends: I tend to focus on negative things, like most people, I feel much better when I happen to remember how much I love my husband and son, for example. Generally I try to focus on the positive rather than the negative. And it is working already.

So, I wish you a very happy year 2010. Have you made any resolutions? Broken them already?

A friend of mine has recently started writing a blog about books and cats (in German). I’m always mightily impressed by her list of unread books. Now, don’t get it wrong, it’s not that she’s only reading for pleasure, she also gets send books to review, so in the end she has enough books on her list to justify sorting it. Me, on the other hand, I only read for pleasure so my pile is much lower than hers. Meet exhibit A (Note that German titles are printed the other way around than English ones. I’m finding this annoying. And no, I won’t place the German books face down, no way.):

But then it occurred to me that if my pile of unread books is really that low, why is it that every flat surface of the house is littered with books? And why do I never finish reading anything? And why does it take months for me to finish a book, even one that I borrowed? And why am I running out of bookmarks? Well, meet my PPUB, my Pile of Partially Unread Books:

(After taking this picture I found another one innocently hiding on a shelf. And then, after writing most of this post I found yet another one in a pile of knitting books sitting on the floor plus at least two unread knitting books.) I used to have a shelf dedicated to unread books, and I used to have only one or two books in progress. Now there is this pile on my desk, and the pile in the kitchen, plus the extra shelf in the kitchen. (What, you don’t have a shelf in the kitchen for books that you are currently reading? How odd.)

So, first to the unread books. There is from top to bottom (The links go to librarything, this post took ages to write because my nifty little Amazon helper plugin isn’t working. Otherwise there would have been pictures as well.):

1. Odd and the Frost Giants – well, it’s by Neil Gaiman that’s reason enough for me to want to read it. It’ll probably get read very soon. It’s also a very short book.
2. The Lake of Dead Languages – I think that Meno recommended this. Several years ago. It has been sitting around since then and I just didn’t feel like reading it.
3. Until I Find You – I bought this because I used to eagerly await every new John Irving novel. Then I read the first paragraph and since then haven’t felt compelled to really start it. Especially since a friend told me she didn’t like it.
4. Buddhism for Mothers of Schoolchildren – Received this two days ago. I have shown restrain and not started reading it, despite wanting to.
5. Mein Urgroßvater und ich – This is a book I used to love as a teenager. There was some talk about it in the German blogosphere a couple of weeks (or months) ago, and I decided to buy it. It will be great to read with my son but not now. I’d like to reread it on my own, though.
6. Green Lantern 47 – what to say, I have a subscription to Green Lantern comics. It will take all of 15 minutes to read it but my problem is that I can’t have my comics lying around where my son can see them because he gets scared very easily. (That’s a topic for another post, by the way.) So “Blackest Night” with pictures of people fighting and zombie-like aliens, well, I better keep that in my room which means I never read it because in my room I only read stuff on the computer. I’ll find the fifteen minutes eventually, though.
7. Respect the Spindle – When I heard that Abby Franquemont wrote a book I absolutely had to have it. This one is likely to be read first. (And it’s a great conversation piece. I have showed three students how one makes yarn on a spindle because the book has been lying around on my desk. That means I showed them how I make it, they didn’t want to learn themselves, but still.)
8. The Craftsman – it did sound interesting when Jo wrote about it on her blog. It was a birthday present from my parents.

My problem is the pile of books that I started but never finished. The problem is similar to having a lot of UFOs (that’s UnFinished Objects in this case) in knitting. You get all excited and start something new, and you do this so often that you never get around to actually finish anything. As for my knitting UFOs I sat down in October and finished almost all of those things whether I felt like it or not, and now I’m down to very few works in progress and feel much better for it. I have this gnawing feeling that it might be time to try something like this for books. I buy a new book, I get all excited, I start reading it, and then it gets stuck in a pile or two and another, newer book sits on top of it. Part of the problem is that books are so stackable. My pile of partially unread books contains (again from top to bottom, well almost I forgot some the first time):

1. Off the Page – recommended by Jo again. I love books about writing, and I thought this one would be great. It is so far, I took it with me on a trip in May, read one or two chapters and never got around to it again.
2. A New Earth – recommended to me by Christine Kane years ago. First my husband read it and since then it has been sitting here because it requires me to actually think while reading. That requires specific reading arrangements.
3. The Power of Now – I thought I’d start at the beginning, and read this before “A New Earth”. There is a bookmark somewhere in it, I guess.
4. Anger – I got this for my husband and after reading it he thought it might be a good idea for me to read it too. And it is. But – the thinking again.
5. Schulz and Peanuts – I read an official Charles Schulz-biography some years ago, and enjoyed it very much. I have been loving the Peanuts ever since my father brought home six volumes of collected Peanuts strips from Canada. I learned English reading these. (My English teachers were quite baffled by my unusual vocabulary.) Oh, and this one was given to me by my sister. I think for Christmas – last year, I hope.
6. Zum Buddha werden in 5 Wochen – this was a bit of a joke. I expected to read it through in about two days. That has been month ago. Oh, and the title translates as “Become a Buddha in five weeks”
7. Use of Weapons – a friend brought this because she thought I would like it, and she is right. I’m dragging my feet though because I resent the “look I’m making this suspenseful in a clever way by mixing the timeline all up, and now you can guess what’s when”-strategy of this book. Of course, if I had read this in my usual state before becoming a mother I wouldn’t even have noticed the cleverness because I would have read it fast enough to not be bothered by this. I’d have raced through the book, and at the end all the pieces would have fallen into place. Like I didn’t realize that “Pulp Fiction” isn’t told in chronological order until my husband asked where the two people from the beginning went. (He meant the couple who robbed the diner.) In my head everything had unfolded in perfect and timely order.
8. Fatal Revenant – I’m having a bit of a problem not only with fiction these days but especially with epic fantasy. I love, love, love Stephen R. Donaldson and especially the Thomas Covenant books but I’ve been reading this for ages because it’s not exactly an easy read, and – well – I have to look up names all the time which is the thing that happens when you go for weeks without reading it and then want to come back, and then I’m not always in the mood for something that moves rather slowly. I’m sure it is me, again, because I read the first six books of this in no time flat.
9. The Wisdom of Menopause – I bought this for obvious reasons after my last visit to my ob/gyn. I’m actually reading it at the moment, and it’s getting a bit better since I gave myself permission not to read every single word of it. I am allowed to skip parts that don’t interest or concern me.
10. Lick the Sugar Habit – this was recommended by Mel, and it is an excellent book. Probably. Only it has been hanging around the house for too long already. And somehow I’m not that thrilled to read about all the ways sugar wrecks havoc with my metabolism. And to be frank, the message is: “Sugar is bad, avoid it.” Maybe I won’t finish this one.
11. The Mindful Way through Depression – I have written about this before. It is an excellent book, and the only reason I’m that keen to finish is that I no longer think that I am depressed. On the other hand mindfulness helps with several things, not the least life as a whole so maybe it’s time to read this already.
12. Inside Songwriting – I’m always reading books about writing and writers and then sometimes I hope for more books about songwriting. This was recommended by Vikki on her blog. I saw her post about it and immediately bought it. I took it with me to a writer’s group meeting two months ago, felt incredibly inspired and then sat it down on top of a pile on my desk. I keep moving it to the top of that pile because a) it’s a pretty color, and b) it looks better to my students than having Green Lantern comics sitting there.
13. Batman – Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? – What can I say, it’s by Neil Gaiman. And I did read the beginning but then my usual “comic problem” kicked in, I can’t have this sitting around where my son or my students can see it. So I basically had to stuff it in a drawer. Or at the bottom of the pile of unread books. It’s nice and big …
14. Head First HTML- I bought that back in the day when I got serious about blogging, I think it was just before going from blogger to wordpress. It’s not exactly light reading material, more of a course. I did quite well doing the homework for a couple of weeks, and now I’m at the part where I should start learning CSS. With a wordpress blog, and being unhappy about the layout hereabouts it would be a very good idea to learn CSS but then – there would be the thinking again.
15. Handbuch Buddhismus – a book that my husband gave me for my birthday years ago when I started being interested in buddhism, I am not sure if I like it or not, it is very German, a bit dry and academic, and I never can remember anything (that’s not the book’s fault, it’s me I have read numerous books about buddhism by now and all the names and dates and crucial facts keep slipping out of my mind.

Seems reasonable, doesn’t it? In fact there are more partially unread books in my possession but those are the ones that I have made peace with never really finishing. The books you see here are the one that I still think I will get around to read anytime soon. So what to do? I won’t burn the books and I won’t throw them away. They really do interest me. I think I will organize the books, I already cleared the “unread books” shelf (well, part of a shelf) and now it actually holds unread books only. I will keep one fiction and one non-fiction book in the kitchen, and find a nice clear spot on the floor for the rest, I think. Oh, and please remind me not to buy any more books on Buddhism for me.

1. Just so you know what I’m doing:


Yes, I decided to do NaNoWriMo again this year. First I was all sensible and only wanted to use it to get back into a regular writing habit, and write about 500 words a day. And finish a story I had started in June. Then I thought that not starting something new was like cheating. And then I thought, “Well, I can try how many words I can write comfortably without stress during fall break, and then I can decide later.” And – I think I’m hooked again. For now it’s really enjoyable if a bit crazy, I have managed to write mostly in the mornings so I could do other things later in the day without having to live with the dread of unwritten words all day long. In the past I have often procrastinated until bedtime and then written in a very bad mood and very tired.

2. I’m also doing NaKniSweMo. But a little less seriously. Either it works or it doesn’t, and since I’m knitting a sweater with fingering weight yarn on 2.5 mm needles and couldn’t start before yesterday there’s a fair chance I won’t finish it in November. But I’ll try.



3. Since my last post I followed the advice of the beautiful Jo and got myself some new, low heel, pricey, and gorgeous boots from this place. So far I love them, I can even stuff my pant legs into them and still close them. They also work with hand-knit socks since I bought them one size bigger than I usually need. And I have walked in them for about twenty minutes already without chafing or anything. Great.
4. Now I have to run and meet with my family, and get ready for lunch. See ya.

As always it isn’t that I don’t have ideas for posts, or that I don’t want to write anything, it’s just that my thoughts are running off in all directions and I find myself with less free time on my hands as well.

If it weren’t for my husband the house would be a disaster, and I’m still working on this “go to bed on time”-thing. Also on the “put things away”-thing, and on “complete things on time”.

So, what is it that I’ve done?

1. I have designed and charted a triangular lace shawl:

I used traditional Estonian stitches from a stitch dictionary for this. The lace knitting class I’m teaching is already half done, only two more weeks to go.

2. I also am teaching a class on mindful knitting that is more fun that I had hoped for. I’m not really knowing what I’m doing but I’m very used to the “learn by teaching”-method and it usually works well for me and the students.

3. I’m knitting up a storm, trying to finish the UFOs lying around (Un-Finished Objects).

4. I’m transferring one of my stories from notebook to computer. I wrote this in June, back when I decided to write 3 pages every day. I’m still not finished with the typing, and for the last few writer’s meetings I only had this story to read to my writer friends. Since the story is now standing at 3,000 words, and they are still sitting on the edge of their seats waiting for what happens next, all is well. But I better finish the story.

5. On the same note I have decided (yes, I’m big on decisions today) to participate in NaNoWriMo again this year, only I’ll be “cheating” by setting myself a goal of a mere 15,000 words. That will be like going to a marathon to walk 5k very slowly but I know from experience how I feel after having written the full distance. I’m no good for at least the rest of the year, and won’t be writing either.

6. I wrote two half blog-posts. Unfortunately two halves don’t make one finished post. One of these days there will be sunshine and free time at the very same moment, and I’ll take some pictures and tell you about the joys of knitting with handspun. And some time this year you’ll get an account of my son’s first day of school. Which happened a month ago. Oops.

7. I’m also thinking a lot about being intelligent and school. Of course, one reason for this is my bright son who now reads as well as the average third grader (as far as I can tell, I only teach three third-graders at the moment), the other reason is a conversation I had with a woman I met in September. And I remember how bored I felt all through school, and it only got better in grad school. How I didn’t do homework for the last four years of school. And how I really want my son to have a better school experience than I had. Unlike me I’d like him to learn how to study and manage time some time before he turns 25.

But I already found myself telling him that when he is bored in school he better sits there quietly and politely, and that there are other places to learn things. At home for example. My husband and I decided that he needs something a bit more challenging and are turning lunch breaks into informal teaching sessions. (No, we’re not pushing him. We’re just having regular conversations with a bit more explaining for him.) So he’s getting a dose of stories about Italy or Brazil, a bit of history and politics, and also throwing a ball, salsa dancing, and crafting.

8. I have also turned inwards once again, so if you happen to be a friend of mine, or someone to whom I owe an e-mail, or someone who used to know me through comments on her blog: “It isn’t you. I’m not communicating with anybody right now.” Part of this is due to the fact that I’m teaching a lot these days. Which means that I see people and talk with them for hours each day. While I’m reading blogs, and tweets, at the end of the day (and in between as well), I just want to sit there quietly. Well, as quietly as you can when you’re part of a family.

9. I have bought a ton of books, and am reading, among them one on writing songs. Yes, I’m still thinking that one day I will be writing songs again. Maybe even this year, who knows.

After all it’s fall, and that’s always the time to make plans, and get more grounded. I do it every year, some years I’m better at following through other years I’m worse, who knows. Even though we had snow today. Snow. It’s freezing (in a literal sense). Still, snow or not for me it’s fall, and time to get things going again.

You know how you always think you’ll have more time once summer break starts? That summer break that’s 10 days old today? Yeah. Me, too.

I have been doing things but posting here hasn’t been one of them. I’ve been playing computer games on my ipod, I’ve been ordering and receiving a new spinning wheel, a couple of weeks ago I found out that I probably have ADD, we’ve been making the most of every single non-raining day that we had so far, I found out that not only am I weighing as much again as just after I had the baby (I never was heavier, btw), I’m also completely unfit so that a hike that seemed like a breeze last year left me panting and with sore muscles for days this year (well, I wasn’t panting for days).

I’ve been reading books, watching Torchwood all through for the second time, and Farscape, finished two pair of socks, started two other pairs of socks, frogged back a quarter of an intricate lace shawl only to start something new with the same yarn, decided to also rip back a turtleneck sweater that I’m making (half-finished), decided not to order any books, CDs, DVDs, computer games, yarn, or spinning fiber ’til the end of summer break, only to buy four comics, and another game (it was only 4 Euros I swear).

I have a long list of things I want to do until the middle of September:

• work out again (see above)
• design and knit a lace shawl for a class I’ll be teaching next fall
• install a new version of Wordpress on my blog and that of my husband
• sew some pillow cases and coasters
• write a story about summer in the next ten days
• ply the Corriedale I spun up, and spin up some lovely hand-dyed BFL I bought (that’s a sheep breed for those who don’t know, Blue Faced Leicester -I doubt that they really have blue faces, though)
• write at least one blog post about “How to be idle” and “Idle Parenting” – for the record, these books are marvelous and eye opening, and very helpful. Now I feel like a revolutionary instead of a lazy person
• tidy and maybe clean the house so that some flat surfaces will be visible again
• pick up the guitar and play once or twice
• ditto with singing and piano
• have my piano repaired (which means that there won’t be any piano-playing for a week, since parts of it need to be removed)
• go on at least two more hikes
• go swimming with my son often so that maybe he will be able to swim at the end of summer
• go to a party in Bamberg in two weeks
• attend the first German raveler meeting in the middle of September and before that to prepare my class there
• use the hammock and enjoy the garden as often as I can

Right now it’s raining, I have to answer a gazillion e-mails, and phone a handful of people but my son is upstairs with his grandma and my husband is recording bass lines. Oh, I’ll do some singing for him soon, too.

You know why I love vacationing at home? If I were somewhere else right now I’d have to sit in a tiny ugly hotel room with both my husband and son, sitting on uncomfortable beds with nothing to do but wait until it stops raining.

First of all, here’s the last of my Projekt “Farbe bekennen“-pictures. I had hoped to be able to take a picture of me in the dress and the cardigan but my days didn’t work out that way. At least it is colorful indeed. Especially with the rack of drying laundry in the background:

It’s the dress that I bought the pattern and the fabric for in 2007, that I cut out last September, and that I put away because the top and the skirt didn’t fit together. This year I decided to just finish it any which way, and now I have a dress that I’m really happy with, except for the fact that it would fit me better if my boobs were smaller.

The cardigan is one that has been in the making for more than year too. And the yarn even was supposed to be a sweater in 1994 or so. The sweater spent the next years in the attic, almost done except for one sleeve. I ran out of yarn and suddenly realized that I don’t like bobbles. The pattern for this is Something Red, and I love it. It’s a bit short for wearing with pants because I got impatient (also it’s heavy cotton and if I wear it long enough it won’t be too short anymore) but it’s perfect with a dress or skirt.

As with these two garments (and the picture that should have been something else), I now have to be content to do a blog post, regardless of whether I like it or not since today will probably be the only day I have any time to post until the week after next. I’m busy as usual, and also packing for a trip to my parents next week. I’m happy to leave the house for once, and also woefully unprepared. Also, the weather is changing from day to day so I don’t know what clothes to bring. My experience tells me, though, that regardless of what I pack it will be wrong. If I pack for summer weather it will be cold enough for woolen sweaters and vice versa. (No, I won’t pack both, I’m a woman traveling by train with a single backpack. And I need to bring knitting with me.)

So, the posts I wanted to write but haven’t (you know how I love lists, don’t you):

Around the world in 80 clicks: the lovely Beck had tagged me, I thought about this post with reasons why I love being a mother and a list of other mothers to tag for weeks.

Treats that aren’t: how a lot of things that I treat myself to aren’t really treats but things that make me feel worse in the long run.

Explaining my life to strangers: how I end up explaining my life on a daily basis so that I even have to discuss it with random people I meet at the grocery store. And how I should make this into the new tagline for my blog

Gold: a picture of my wedding ring that is the only piece of golden jewelry that I wear, with a sappy post about why I cherish it even though it’s not that beautiful and how I haven’t taken it off since 1995 (except for x-rays and such)

Gardening: a post about an interview I heard on Craftsanity with Jenna Woginrich who wrote the book “Made from Scratch”” together with my feelings towards gardening and how I realized I know more about it than I thought (I’m still not gardening as such, in case you wondered.)

Nostalgic Liesl: a post about a purple sweater that I knit in September out of yarn that I bought in 1988, the memories of the vacation where I bought it, and the people I went with

Parts 2 to 4 of the beach-story: the parts have been written but need minor adjustments before posting

Be calm: the only song I wrote last year, it still isn’t recorded though, and I’m without voice again since hay fever season is in full swing

Idle parenting: a post about the book “The Idle Parent”“, why I love it and why it helped me to see that my parenting is rooted in ideas I believe in instead of mere laziness as I had suspected

Life or Death: a story about a girl backpacking through Europe who encounters terrorists at a mall (I still have to write this one)

Why fashion is important to me: stemming from an ongoing conversation between my husband and me (he doesn’t get why somebody can be that interested in clothes; what I don’t get is: if I’m that interested in fashion why don’t I dress better?)

So, to answer a question my sister asked me in the last post: Yes, one can be too busy to play around with a new camera. I’m not quite sure why I suddenly am that busy but one thing is that these days I opt for having quiet evenings instead of sitting in front of the computer until midnight. And for long conversations with my husband. And I have about five more students which is great but leaves me no spare time in the afternoons. For example I wrote the first part of this post just after lunch, and this part between students. And Thursdays are the only days when there is a “between students” otherwise it’s all students all the time. And my husband is crazily busy with gardening on top of working on his music and doing housework. And my head is full of things to and places to go, and people to call, and all the busy, busy little details.

At least there won’t be as many busy little details next week when we spend the week with my parents near Holland. I probably won’t be able to spend much time on the computer there.

Again I’m very sorry for not reading or commenting on your blogs, or twittering much but then – as we have often told each other – this should be for fun, not an obligation. See you later.

spinning brown wensleydale on my drop spindle, knitting socks and lace, yelling at my family, dreaming, sleeping intermittedly, eating too much, thinking about my life, playing “coin-operated boy” on the piano, singing my heart out with “my alcoholic friends”, teaching new adult beginners, figuring out how to bring my wheel to a meeting next weekend, reading about “drawing with children”, talking with my husband, talking with my son, picking things up, putting things away, feeling despair looking at dust bunnies, deciding to lose weight again, starting now, not eating jelly beans, drinking too much beer instead, not going to improvisation workshop, seeing pictures everywhere, wanting to take my camera outside, smiling at other people to avoid talking with them, attending parties and leaving early, preferring an episode of “how I met your mother”, a beer, and talking with my husband over a fabulous party with 150 people, buying presents for my son’s friends, avoiding playdates, rejoicing at my son starting to read, telling him about Battlestar Galactica, looking up the capital of Rumania in the encyclopedia, neglecting my blog-duties both passive and active, going for walks almost daily, making dates with internet friends to exchange books, talk about “Farscape”, and drop spindeling, reading comics, writing book reviews in my head, turning to self-help blogs only to find that I already tried all their tips and have reached a new level of problems, watching youtube videos, buying music on-line, listening to my husband teaching jazz-improvisation in the next room, watering plants, carrying groceries home, helping my husband with cooking lunch because he’s tired of being cook in charge every single day, trying to make space for my husband’s music, not going to the hairdresser even though my hair looks terrible, buying train tickets for June, planning a workshop in September, easing my way into a new story, feeling disconnected with my own music, meditating, talking to my bloggy friends in my head, listening to incubus, to amanda palmer, twittering

or so, and it’s already Tuesday or something, but, well, it has been one of those weeks (yes, all two days of it, and it feels like it should be over already):

• I spent the whole weekend dreading the dolphin costume (you know, the one I’m making for my son for carnival), and then cutting and sewing. The good news is that the body of the costume is done, and it looks great so far (after I had erringly sewn the dolphin’s back fin to the inside). The bad news: I still don’t know how I will make the head, I’ll figure that out next weekend.
• just when I had the feeling of almost recovered health my son has a cold – again – with fever and everything.
• my son having a fever equals him sleeping next to me, or rather him tossing and turning, and rousing me about every fifteen minutes (no kidding) by tickling my nose and asking, “Can we get up now?”
• after the second night of this I was a bit, um, irritated today; also I can’t seem to stop eating
• the Finanzamt send me a letter claiming that I hadn’t paid my tax for December, and it turns out that I indeed did pay it but I, myself, was stupid enough to label it “January 09″; argh. Of course something like this has to come up now of all times, not last week or the week before – and of course they can’t just think about it for a bit like “Why is she sending this in when a) she hasn’t paid for the month before, and b) the month she is paying for isn’t over yet?”; I know there aren’t many people who get paid to think on their job
• for once I wanted to get grip on my monthly story deadline, so I had planned to write my monthly story – which is due next Thursday – today; then all of a sudden I was on 24/7 mommy duty (on the other hand I get to write this because my mother-in-law is having my son right now)
• while having a sick child is bad for things like blogging, writing, and making music it’s really good for knitting; I’m finishing things right and left
• at least I’m really happy that I had the brilliant idea that I can watch DVDs on my laptop in the evenings while I’m waiting for my son to fall asleep; he falls asleep earlier because he knows I’ll be there for a while, and I don’t have the feeling of being on the job forever; also I can watch two episodes of Farscape at night instead of just one
• now I have to sign off because I have an unexpected feverish kindergartener sitting on my lap.

See you in a few days, I hope. How are you?