creative.mother.thinking

I don’t quite know what happened there but there really was no time at all.

I woke up early and didn’t write again. But I did look at the short story that I’m working on, promptly despaired and closed it again. I started formatting the novel, just to see how it’s done and – lo and behold – this will be a lot of work. I should first read it again and iron out the mistakes, though.

I finished knitting a sock for my husband after breakfast and then he came along with a pretty new shirt that had caught on something in the greenhouse. I knew that I could mend it, but not invisibly. And then he said that would be great but he’d love it if it wouldn’t sit in a pile for the next three years.

So I mended it right away:

Yes, that is the mended shirt. And the color isn’t quite right but my husband was happy with it. It does look less glaring from afar:

Also, it’s in the back. And since I had the mending stuff all out I also mended my favorite running socks:

I wanted to also sew a button to another shirt of my husband’s but I couldn’t find the button in the big pile of things on top of the fridge.

Then I started a new sock, as one does.

Then I went out to the bakery and the health food store and we decided to make salad Niçoise again because we loved it so much the last time, and then, right in the middle of frantic cooking we found that we were all out of mustard. So I went to the nearest supermarket to get more. It was totally worth it.

After lunch I did the dishes and hung up some laundry and then the boy came home from school. There was a lot to discuss and he needed to get all his school supplies still.

I finished everything just in time to do a quick singing warm-up before my first two students. Some time in between I shot off an email to my doctor to renew the prescription for my thyroid medication.

More teaching. Afterwards the boy practiced piano and there was more talking about school supplies. And then my husband told us about a music video he had watched the day before and so we ended up sitting down in his studio watching music videos on youtube for some time. The poor boy was pretty hungry at that point but we all enjoyed it.

And then I wrote another email and such and was right in time for yet another webinar. The monthly Orna Ross one. I keep returning so I must be getting something out of them.

After that I only had time to brush my teeth, write in my journal and that was that.

And what have we learned from this?

If you want to get any writing done? Do it in the morning. Preferably first thing. Because then if anything unexpected happens you still will have written.

So today. I will of course write first thing, and then there will be running and only a few students. I had hoped for some sewing to happen yesterday after lunch, 90 minutes should have allowed for that but actually they didn’t.

But. Today will, of course, be much better.

I hope.

I woke up at six, lounged around in bed for an hour, had breakfast and lounged around some more.

I was cranky because I didn’t do anything the day before and was afraid this day would end up the same. When my husband showed up for his breakfast I whined at him for about two hours how I hate it that I always slip back into old, bad habits (and sometimes new, bad habits) even after doing well for two years or so.

And this is irritating for him as well. He gets all fired up for his weekend where he can devote time and energy to things he can’t get to during the week and there I am sitting like an unmoving blob on the kitchen bench, getting crankier and crankier. Also fatter and fatter.

Well, there isn’t much you can do when you’re in the grip of a binge eating attack, or when you just can’t make yourself do the thing that you really, really want to do, only not now.

So I thought back to the time when I managed to lose all that weight. And I realized that, while I had an epiphany that started the whole thing, what got me through the whole process was looking at what worked and what didn’t and then tweaking little things here and there.

I also started downloading books about self-sabotage and looking at coaching options, as one does.

So, together we came up with a plan. The big slump always happens in the afternoon, right after lunch. I tell myself that I get a nice half-hour break and the next thing I know it’s 5 pm and I’m still sitting there, feeling horrible.

I’m also thinking about energy and energy-management a lot and I’m actually not sure that I need all these breaks. I definitely don’t need a 3 1/2 hour break after lunch.

After that I felt so energized and motivated that I folded a load of laundry and put it away immediately. And then I helped to make lunch (tagliatelle bolognese, fried zucchini and salad (zucchini and salad from the yard):

So today after lunch I did the dishes right away and then I took my computer and such and went to my studio. Where I sat down and did my singing warm-up and my piano exercises right away.

At that time my husband is taking a nap in the next room but he assured me that my music didn’t disturb him. I put the damper on the piano. I also happen to know that he really hates the piano exercises, so saying that he didn’t mind was rather sweet. It’s about the same as me saying that I don’t mind him playing drums right under my bed right before I turn out the lights at night…

After the music I started watching a lecture online while spinning that merino I’ve been procrastinating about for months now. The lecture wasn’t quite what I’m needing right now so then I pulled my sewing machine out of the closet. Another thing I’ve been procrastinating for, um, months now:

Yes, the kitchen is really that gloomy in the afternoon. I mended a pair of leggings that I’m using as pajama bottoms and a dress. And then I finally started sewing the Kew dress. I really love the fabric and I adore the pattern but I’m afraid it won’t fit. For one it will be too small. Though maybe it won’t be. Because after two hours of sewing I got this:

It might just work if I make the seam allowances narrower on the skirt. And maybe out the buttons right at the edge. And next time I will measure myself and the pattern before cutting out the pieces. Sure.

So that left me very pleased.

Then it was time for dinner and Star Trek (well, only Star Trek for me plus beer and crochet). The boy and I watched two excellent episodes. Then I went back to the kitchen, did the dishes and – very important – did not sit down and left the kitchen immediately. Because my husband has told me repeatedly that if he were sitting in the kitchen all evening he would be eating all the things too. Really, binge-eating is no fun even thought it always feels like it should while you’re doing it.

And sitting in bed at that time doesn’t really work either, I fall half asleep and then still have to get ready for bed later and have a crick in my neck. And go for a bit of cheese again.

So the new plan was to not sit down in the kitchen but go back to my studio to prepare this blog post, write a  little and write in my journal.

And that’s what I did.

I keep forgetting about the power of small tweaks. Now we just need to see if they will work again tonight.

Today is Monday which means running and all the usual and teaching quite a bit. Including the student who couldn’t figure out our new garden gate and went back home on Thursday. Poor thing. We have now started to leave the gate open with a brick to prevent anyone from closing it while we’re teaching. The old gate had a knob on the outside that could be turned but the new one only has a handle on the inside.

I am starting to feel a little hope for positive change.

Wish me luck.

I woke up from the alarm and lounged around in bed for half an hour. I really want to get back to the habit of writing first thing in the day.

Made breakfast, talked with the boy, was disturbed by my husband while meditating.

Did the weekly cleaning and changed the sheets on my bed, made pizza and was a little frantic because the pizza dough was way too soft. I think I put in too much water the night before.

Took a shower.

Put some more flour into the pizza dough but it was still too soft and there were holes in it through and through.

The pizza turned out fine in the end, though:

Very tasty.

Then I spent some time ordering the sign for our music business but got an error message. ::Clue sad face:: I will have to deal with that next week or so.

Because of the sign ordering screw-up I did not do the dishes, also there was a load of laundry to hang up. I got that done just in time to get ready for teaching.

Taught four students in a row and was fried. I need to get used to teaching again, it seems.

Then the boy practiced piano and made himself some sandwiches for dinner, and we watched some very good Star Trek.

Afterwards my husband and I opened some champagne (it did end up over half the kitchen but not by design) to celebrate the finishing of my novel and the finishing of his guitar recordings. I don’t know if any of you remember his music blog but there actually might be some new posts in the near future. (That blog consisted only of an error message for months but it is up and running again. I’ll put up a link as soon as there is something to see and hear there.)

And then I had to do the dishes and I had planned to start writing a new story. I almost let exhaustion win but then decided to start the story and do the dishes this morning. Not ideal but I wasn’t up for half an hour of dishwashing, ten minutes of writing seemed much more doable.

Today there will be the running, and the cutting of my husband’s hair, and the writing, and the music, and the pulling out the sewing machine first time in months.

Woke up at 5.15 after not quite enough sleep. That’s what I get from doing the most important things of the day late which means that I am too tired to go to bed and end up not getting enough sleep. (Why yes, I tend to wake up earlier if I go to bed later, no idea why. I’ve never really gotten then hang of sleeping in anyway.)

I did force myself to write right away and produced about 600 words in 25 minutes. Interestingly, I’m usually quite a bit faster when I write in the evening. Even though I am definitely a morning person.

There was breakfast and getting the boy ready on time with the usual fuss of having to fill out forms and find money and envelopes for school. (We pay a materials fee once a year and there was money for the excursion in October.) I have to say that the fact that his new teacher has already planned the excursion for October leaves me rather impressed.

There are a few changes now that he is in tenth grade. With the excursion, for example, they are supposed to meet in Munich directly. No meeting at the school beforehand. He doesn’t need a signed permission slip for leaving the school grounds at lunchtime anymore, and some other things. Nice.

I did run yesterday, 6.4 very, very slow miles. I think it was the heat:

The sun was directly ahead for this picture. It’s time that I get some sunglasses:

When I came back my husband was busy trimming the front hedge and my mother-in-law was sweeping the sidewalk. So I jumped in to help. She is still not feeling a hundred percent and was wearing a 24-hour heart monitor.

I have to say that spending 45 minutes sweeping and picking up hedge trimmings after running is a little exhausting.

Since my husband was way more tired than me, he had trimmed the whole hedge in the back the day before and had reached a point where he could barely lift his arms, I offered to make lunch for a change. I made Salade Niçoise inspired by this recipe (in German). It was an instant hit. And we’re usually not a „salad as a main course“ family. But then all the potatoes and beans and fish and eggs do make is less salad-y.

My attempt was not as photogenic as the original:

Then dishes and teaching and music. By dinnertime I was pretty spent and decided to not try and finish the novel that day. Instead I opted for an early bedtime. I did do my daily beginner drawing, though. The day before I had shown my koala attempt to my husband and while I found it horrible he deemed it ‚not bad‘.

By the way that is one of the most irritating things that adult beginner students do. They have a constant stream of self-talk that focuses on the ways their artistic thing is unlike professional master pieces and beat themselves up for it. As a teacher you can sit there telling them that, actually they are making wonderful progress and that you’re very happy with how they are doing, and that, sorry, but they are a beginner and this is what beginners sound like, but they never really believe you.

Seems I’m one of those irritating adult beginners. Which means I have two options, really, I can either stop to learn how to draw, or I can just be content with my beginner drawings as they are. Both options come with optional negative self-talk.

And no, I am too timid to show you my drawings. Some day. At the moment it is all about cubes with distorted shadows and balls and yesterday’s koala with fur was a big exception.

Today there will be the grocery shopping and all the usual stuff and if I manage to sit my butt in the chair for long enough I might end up with a finished story. Or it might need an epilogue. I don’t know yet.

Thank you all for reading this. I hope there are still a few of you left.

I started this exactly a year ago. On September 11th I decided to give daily blogging a try. My goal was always to do it for a whole year. And I did. I know that there is no Day 6 post but you have to believe me that there was and that the blogging software ate it.

So. Yesterday.

I woke up late at 6.30 and had a rather lazy morning. I did manage my ten minutes of writing first thing, so that was good. But I need to speed my morning routine up again starting today because school is on.

I finished knitting the Cria sweater and went for a 6.44k-run:

And helped to make chili for lunch and forgot to take the picture before taking the first bite:

And I wrote an email to our web hosting provider about my husband’s blog and worked on that blog for an hour but finally managed to get it up and going again, yeah!

And I taught four students and did some work on marketing for our music lessons and did a short round of strength training.

The boy and I watched some more Star Trek because it wasn’t exactly a school night for him.

Today will be his first day as a tenth grader and I will run errands and teach and write some more.

And I think I’ll keep on writing here daily for now. It suits me.