fashion

Despite the fact that I still haven’t really taken inventory of my wardrobe (all I got so far is a heap of too small pants and a coat sitting on my dresser) I have been starting to look at clothes. Because even though I don’t know how many of the t-shirts in my closets don’t fit me anymore I can honestly say that I’m under-equipped with summer wear. Because yesterday when it was really, really hot I almost resigned myself to wear two things that don’t match so that every important part of me could be covered without bursting into flame. And then I remembered the tank top I bought last year, and I was really, really happy. You know, a tank top that does not pinch anywhere, and that doesn’t exactly make me look like I’m going to burst it any second now.

That doesn’t mean the tank is looking good on me, and that doesn’t mean that I have shorts or a skirt or pants that really go with it, so yesterday I went with the too big grey linen pants (you know the kind that older women wear in summer when they don’t want to expose their legs), and a brown tank that didn’t really go with it.

Then I went to the city for my writing group and on the way I did the sensible thing. I looked at handbags. Now, I did find some handbags that I really, really liked but I didn’t buy any because I don’t have a spare 300 Euros lying around at the moment. But today I thought to myself, “What I really need is a nice summer dress, and a summer skirt, and a pair of shorts I can actually close.” I also need a ton of summer tops but right now I wanted to start with the dress, and or skirt. (I won’t be contemplating shorts for now, the thought of trying to find some that fit me is just too depressing.)

So I got out my sewing magazines, and started looking for dresses and skirts (and pants, and shorts (only there weren’t any, and coats) for plus sizes. And I looked at the patterns, and at the model, and starting thinking about making a jersey wrap dress when it hit me. All of these patterns, every single one is made for “apple-shaped” women. Bit bust, nice legs.

Me, on the other hand, I’m that pear-shaped that my lower half is about two sizes bigger than my upper half. I also managed to eat my midsection big enough to make people wonder if I’m pregnant again. So, none of those dresses will actually look good on me. Even if I can make them fit. My next thought was that there are stores for people like me, those who don’t fit into the “normal” sizes, and then I thought back to the last time I had to shop in the “plus section”, and I remembered. It’s all the same. If you’re pear-shaped you’re doomed.

I have a theory why this is so. The other thing that I found is that plus sizes are mostly made for shorter people than me. And I think this is because manufacturers of bigger clothes think that they are making clothes for older women than me. Most of them are not as tall, and since they only go “plus” when they hit menopause they have the apple shape to go with that. (Though I have to say that I’m getting the “menopause belly” on top of the pear-like thighs and behind. In fact I’m looking pretty “mountain-shaped” these days, especially if I sit down which I do a lot, that’s part of the problem.)

But when I look around me I’m seeing lots of women who are overweight, and a lot of them are my age or younger. Where do they get their clothes? I see a lot of teenagers just squeezing into things that are too tight but that doesn’t really look good. And I have reached a stage where I really can’t squeeze into a size 44 jeans anymore. (I tried, and I couldn’t pull it up beyond the middle of my thighs.)

So, what to do now? Change the size on some regular pattern? The clothes would end up being too short anyway. And I do have the feeling that patterns for “normal” sizes are meant for women with neither bust nor hips so that won’t work either. Maybe I should make my own pattern but I’d have to do it quite fast.

Anyone knows a place where to find nice clothes, plus size, fashionable, for people who are tall? And if they are not expensive, that would help too.

Some might say I should just lose the weight, and I’m working on it but me thinks I can’t go naked in the meantime.

And I’m wearing a skirt. A crinkled one that needs ironing.

I need to have a haircut, the jacket needs a zipper, and in real life the jacket and skirt do match.

And the skirt needs darts, and needs to be a little less full. I know.

I really wanted to wear a dress but the only one I own is a summer dress. I didn’t feel like explaining to everyone I meet why I wear a summer dress right now.

I did start the day in jeans though. And I found myself thinking about why I don’t wear skirts or dresses more often. You might say it’s because I only own one dress and two skirts (that fit) but then I only own two pairs of jeans (that fit), and no other pants except for one pair that I wear for hiking, one of those that have zippers on the legs so that you can make them into shorts. I don’t count those because I avoid wearing them as much as I can. They look horrible. So I thought, and then I thought, and it boiled down to:

Pants are more comfortable than skirts (or dresses).

Well. There are people who think differently, first among them the gorgeous Erin who declared today to be International Wear A Dress Day. Also Isabo whose post you should read (and probably already have) when you understand German. And I went on about my day, and all of a sudden I started realizing that I’m constantly pulling on the waist of my pants. You know, when I say that I have two pairs of jeans that fit this means that I can close them all the way, I can wear them in public without feeling embarrassed, and they are about the right length, that’s all.

The length issue is the reason why I only own jeans but no dress pants or anything. Because jeans come in different lengths, and some of them will be 34″ and so these will fit me. Most pants are simply too short for me. Both of my jeans though have to be pulled up every time I sit down, or get up, or bend over, or move in any way. When I complained about this to my husband he said, “Why don’t you wear a belt?” Well, for several reasons: 1) It’s hard to find a belt that fits me. 2) My jeans – while being to wide in the waist – still manage to pinch me in the belly area. Belts only make this worse. 3) The belt then will be pulled down in the back as well which makes the whole thing really uncomfortable when sitting down. 4) Because of the belly situation (and because I don’t want to look really ridiculous) I can’t pull the belt tight enough to have the pants actually stay up where they belong.

See, I need the back of my pants to be several centimeters higher than the front. Not everybody does, and so pants manufacturers usually don’t accommodate my need. I also need the waist to be two sizes smaller than the hips. Again, not everybody needs this. I already spoke about my long legs, and in addition to this I need my pants (or anything for the bottom of my body) in a plus size. Oops.

Very well. So now how does this make pants more comfortable than dresses or skirts? It doesn’t. I have this very comfortable, sturdy, practical, and not dressy skirt. And I can easily make more, all it took was two ours, a zipper, and a bit of fabric. The two things that make skirts uncomfortable then are: tights and shoes.

I usually despise tights because they never fit (same issues as with pants only they pinch at the toes as well), they are really breakable. And they never fit. Usually I’m left with ladders everywhere while the top part of my pantyhose tries to meet my knees while still managing to pinch my belly. But. I found a brand of tights that fit! I found them totally by accident because I wanted to wear my summer skirt, and all of my tights were full of ladders, and so I had to buy new ones locally and they were really more expensive than I feel comfortable with but: THEY FIT!! No pinching, no sagging, no nothing. Bliss.

The next problem is the shoes. I follow a strict “no heels”-policy, and I also refuse to wear shoes that I can’t walk a couple of miles in without feeling pain. This means that mostly I’m wearing walking sneakers. Not pretty, I always have this soccer mom look but still, I can walk for hours without any problems. I bought myself some cute Mary Janes (the ones you might get a glimpse of in the picture above) but while they feel comfortable when I’m sitting still they start chafing the minute I take a step or two. I have declared them to be my indoor skirt shoes for teaching. The comfortable pair of Mary Janes is red and ugly. You know what I need to do? Buy shoes.

I’m thinking of some flat lace-up boots. Has anybody any experience with knee-high Doc Martens? I have really, um, voluptuous calves. There might be some boots that fit over my ankles but almost none that I can close all the way to the top. I know that there are custom boots available but really, I’d rather spend my money elsewhere.

On the other hand, think of all the money I could save if I no longer had to buy really expensive pairs of jeans that get holes after six months (no kidding). I can whip up skirts in almost no time, I could even add lining and pockets (because that’s something I don’t like about skirts too, no pockets, but then – if you make your own…), and fabric and zippers is not that expensive.

Okay. the skirts won. Especially when I don’t think about what I think I should wear a skirt with but just wear hoodies (that’s Vivian without a zipper), and silly tees (it says, “Schrödinger’s cat is dead” on the front and “Schrödinger’s cat is not dead” on the back) and comfortable shoes.

So what do you think? Do you like wearing skirts and dresses? Or pants? Or both?

Excuse me, I have to go look for shoes. And a coat. And fabric. And more tights.

(Thank you for your comments on my last post. Since there are so many great pieces of advice in there I’ll round them up with my own ideas in the next post or so. Thank you for being patient.)

When I first learned and cared about fashion it was because I needed to learn the rules in order not to be uncool. At first it all eluded me. Which colors match which? Why? Why weren’t you supposed to wear green and blue together and then, just a few years later it was no problem? I learned the names of colors, of garments, A-line and H-line, wedge heel, kitten heel…

Fashion was important. It was a grown-up thing. And from the start I learned that it was constantly in flux.

Then I used my “expertise” to judge others. “I would never wear that.” “Look at her.” Once, on a subway, I stared at the woman sitting in front of me with such disdain that I made her squirm. Well, she was dressed all wrong. I’d still like to apologize to her.

My own style, by the way, was not beyond judgement. Instead of cool, and also because I lacked money, I turned to eccentric, never taking fashion serious enough to really pull that off. It all culminated in neon-yellow pants with printed cartoon mice topped with a neon-yellow sweater and an enormous green silk scarf and gigantic pink glasses in the 80s. Neon colored knitted sweaters and bright, cheap earrings hanging down to my shoulders.

Then I followed the lead of a friend, I grew tired of mixing pink, yellow, and green, and started to buy only classic clothes in black, red, and grey. The number of clothes I owned shrunk, but at least my style got better and I didn’t look like a clown anymore who had fallen into the sales bin at a very cheap store. Then other things got more important. I didn’t think about fashion anymore. I started to feel that I was too old to care about things like that. And I had found my style. No need to change anything. If something wore out I replaced it.

But then I started to notice that nobody else was wearing straight jeans with baggy sweaters anymore. Or silk scarves. Well, nobody under 30 anyway. And I started to look at fashion again. After all I can dress like a little old lady when I will be a little old lady. No need to look all dated. (And I seriously doubt that I will ever look little.)

And this is where I am now. I’m no longer buying fashion magazines, I find them boring. I look at other people instead. What are young women wearing? Those between 16 and 30? What of that might work for me?

And in the last few weeks I have found “A Dress A Day” and “The Sartorialist“. I found them through Lia who claims to have no interest in fashion. Those two blogs have made me think different about fashion again. They are looking for the unusual, the personal, and at least Erin from “A Dress a Day” doesn’t exactly follow current mainstream fashion. Her blog is all about the deep love for vintage dresses. It happens that right now dresses are “in” again but I have the feeling that she will continue to love those dresses and wear them even when they will be out of fashion again.

In the process of re-inventing myself before turning forty I also subscribed to Missus Smartypants for a brief period. You get recommendations for what to chose that is appropriate for your body type. Very helpful. Also a friend once told me I should reconsider my love of black, grey and red since I look far better in browns and such. (I wrote about that in “Color, orange …“.) And I discovered “Friday style” which is very lovely too (You just have to love somebody who writes about fashion and writes headlines as “Because healthy is always stylish.). Reading those blogs give me inspiration without having to wade through pictures of incredibly thin and badly styled models and half a magazine of ads.

So, there still is a little of that quest for being cool in my interest concerning fashion. There is also a love of beautiful things. I used to go window-shopping at Munich’s most expensive fashion boutiques. I never entered one of those. I didn’t even wanted to have the clothes for me (they wouldn’t have fit anyway) but I loved looking at them. Like going to a museum.

I’m still puzzled that fashion has become as important to me as it was when I was 13 or so. But then maybe this is part of midlife crisis. Who knows. Just now it gives me pleasure to think about clothes and look at them. Not that I shop a lot, I don’t. And I’m still mostly wearing jeans and tees and sneakers. But I try to chose flattering ones.

And you? Are you interested in clothes? Or not? I’d love to know.