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Daily Journal – Day 331: Stuck in Paralysis

August 8, 2018 by Susanne Leave a Comment

That’s always so much fun.

Woke up around six, wasted a lot of time surfing the web and flitting from book to book. I started reading too many books over the past few days. I am okay with reading more than one at a time but having three from the library on top of the thirty in progress might just be a little too much. Especially if one of them is a 940-page-behemoth about GIMP and I found that I need to read something else before I’m ready to actually start on that one.

Breakfast, no meditation because I had dawdled for too long. I finished the pair of socks I had been knitting. They are beautiful. No picture yet, sorry.

Did a mound of dirty dishes.

Then my husband started talking to me about when to paint that balcony. His mother thinks it’s not necessary yet but I went outside and had a hard look and yeah, it is totally necessary. On the other hand it’s her balcony. If it rots away under her feet that doesn’t affect us in a big way, other than our porch becoming a deck again.

We need a stretch of three days without rain to do this. When there aren’t any other things planned. And no Sundays or holidays because you’re not allowed to make a lot of noise on those days. Which I find a good rule. It’s just sometimes a little inconvenient.

So. We were just about to jump off from the table and go to the hardware store with me being almost catatonic from anxiety (I have all these other things planned. I hate having to use power tools for hours and hours on end. When will I finish my novel? I already had plans for the next three days.) when my husband checked the weather app again.

There will be thunderstorms today and tomorrow. Friday will be rain. My husband will be away over the weekend. It will rain most of next week.

Then we have the week after where we might have two days in a row. If it doesn’t rain. And two days between me coming back from my family reunion before a doctor’s appointment with the boy and my colonoscopy. Which I timed a little inconvenient anyway because I will have to prepare for the colonoscopy on the same day that the boy and I go to the dermatologist. Fun!

After that my MIL has a friend visiting for a week and then summer break will be over.

We made lunch instead. I had one of the two days per year where I want to eat only salad for lunch. My husband wasn’t feeling it at all. We already had salad for lunch the day before. Still, salad it was:

IMG 1651

Thinking of big things that hang over my head and make me feel bad I then decided to look at the DS repair again. The next step is to watch a video where someone repairs the exact thing I want to repair. Unfortunately, I have already pulled the thing apart completely following another video but I couldn’t figure out how to put it together again. I feel like I need a calm head and lots of patience for this.

I am not a patient person.

So I sat at the kitchen table, dreading the task and thinking idly about all the huge projects I have taken on that are hanging over my head.

There might have been cheese. And chocolate.

Then my husband showed up again saying, „I’d like you to help me order a baseball cap or two and some sheets and tees one of these days.“ So I pulled the laptop out and helped him order caps and sheets. We decided to leave the tees for another day because I was definitely feeling decision fatigue by then.

My laptop was almost out of battery so I plugged it in in my studio. Decided to watch the video. Saw the note „print grocery lists“ on my desk and the three fountain pens that needed to be inked. Went for the easy win.

While doing these tasks I realized that I have taken on too many big projects. And that my nonchalant declarations of, „I will make my own book covers!“ and „I need to overhaul our websites and to design a sign for our lessons to hang on our fence and we need new business cards and I need to brand my author website and design a newsletter header and stuff,“ basically means that I need to learn graphic design. It was Eliandhra who reminded me that that is a real profession. That people learn for years. And of course that’s why I’m finding this so hard.

I have learned a thing or two about design in the past years but that doesn’t make me a designer. Still. I can learn things.

I googled a how to and now I have yet another big project. This will be fun. Also a bit much. But that’s nothing new.

Then we vacuumed the annex and mopped the floors and the boy and I watch some Star Trek, the end. I managed to write 45 words in the whole day. Ahem.

Today there will be some form of exercise (no, there was no run and no strength training yesterday), and I’ll prepare the podcast recording. The boy will visit his friend.

And I have my personal design course all mapped out.

Yeah, I know.

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