Jul 012018

So I knew that there were too many things I wanted to do yesterday. I alos knew that things are always a little dicey when I know that I will go out in the evening because the prospect of going out always throws me off.

Okay, to be honest basically everything throws me off.

I went for my run a little late as often on Saturdays because we had a slow morning and the boy got up late. (All his fault, of course. Ahem.) Running was nice.

I'm still feeling slow as a tortoise but last night I met someone who told me that my pace is pretty normal for my age group. So if I were to run in a 5K I would end up in the middle of the pack. Huh.

Then we made pizza. I took a picture but my laptop is in the other part of the house so now you have to imagine pizza ona plate.

Then I wanted to do all.the.things. We were already a little late with lunch and I couldn't decide whether I should start with writing or with spinning. (I know, the answer should be writing every time…) And then my mother-in-law brought me a bowl of berries that I had to prepare for jam-making right away.

That with indecision and the need to get ready for a party meant that I – didn't get anything done at all.

I did the huge pile of dishes after lunch, I read for a bit, I decided that I really needed to buy another game for my iPad (as one does), I talked to the boy for an hour and ordered a comic book and Harry Potter in Latin for him, I finally took a shower, was completely freaking out about what to wear (the boy told me that black shoes don't go with an orange dress with red polka dots. He wasn't keen on the polka dots either. His taste is a little timid. He also helped me choose a purse but didn't accept that the orange one was just too small for taking all the usual plus a cardigan, leggings and a sock-in-progress. (Of course I ended up not using any of the extra things that I had brought but I really should have dressed a little warmer for my way back.)

Then I went to the party on my bike. The app I'm using for bike routes sent me right on a busy street where you're not allowed to bike. Of course. So I went almost all the way back and made my way to a point where I would be able to follow the route.

The app had chosen a lot of small bike paths which is nice but doesn't help if the app is screaming in your ear “turn left, turn left, turn left” and there is no path there to turn into. I did find my way eventually but took a lot of wrong turns. And when riding back I had forgotten that the app can only do the route one way so I had to rely on looking on the screen sideways and guessing which turn to take.

On the other hand on my way back I started out on a road called “town where I live”-way and – surprise – it is running straight to my town. Weird.

I also really need to get myself a new bike light. I've been complaining about mine for years now and it really is time to invest a little money and upgrade so that I can actually see where I'm going at night.

The party was very nice. I spoke to the woman I had met on Wednesday about the possible volunteer job and it turns out that the guy who said he would be doing it is back from the hospital and will step in shortly. So I won't be adding another big thing to my life. Which has a lot of advantages.

I talked to people over loud music and smiled a lot and then when I wanted to go home around ten someone said there would be folk dance a little later, so I stayed some more. I am not particularly fond of folk dance but I love dancing and never get to do it.

So I jumped around for a bit and left around eleven. The party was in full swing and I'm sure some people probably stayed all through the night.

I've been thinking about introverts and extraverts a lot the past few days. Well, I had someone tell me that surely I can't be an introvert. And I watched myself at the party. Orange dress and red polka dots (some people thing it takes bravery to wear loud colors, no idea why), talking and laughing and smiling all the time, making eye contact, talking with people I never met in a really loud voice (sorry, singer training) – I know I don't look like the typical introvert.

The woman from the other day told me that I can't be an introvert because introverts don't need other people at all. Yeah, right.

What she doesn't understand is that today and probably tomorrow I will sit around the house like a limp dishrag feeling like I am having an emotional hangover. I might snap at my family just for wanting to speak to me. Recovering from an evening like that usually takes me two days. And I am quite anxious for a day or two beforehand. Why yes, I planned my outfit a week in advance and the route I'd be taking. (I still decided to wear something else because the weather was nicer than expceted but that is not the point.)

The point is that going to a party like that where I don't know anybody (well, I knew more people than I thought I did) is petty nerve-wracking. And while I used to be a very shy, very socially awkward little girl I have now trained being social, and making small talk and eye contact and to hold conversations about all.the.topics including gerbils, folk dance and Bajorans. And so I can be outgoing and chatty for and evening but I really need to hole up in my cave again afterwards.

When I was in my twenties I didn't know that about me. I went out all the time, I went to uni, had a job, sang in three bands and had a group of friends I was meeting. Most weeks I'd just use the weekend to stay in my room alone and maybe go for a walk on Sunday morning. But if I didn't I usually ended up getting sick with a cold or something.

Because going out and being with people is somewhat draining for me. Which doesn't mean that I don't like people. I just can't recharge when I'm with them.

Being with my family is less taxing, of course, but even with them I need my alone time.

Which means that today I will mostly sit around and recharge.

I will also make more jam (just a few jars) and attempt writing and spinning. And going to bed early. That is really imperative.


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