That was a pretty down day, I mostly felt like a loser because I haven’t really fulfilled my potential as a musician. Which is something I have to live with from time to time because it’s true, and I can’t change my past. Of course part of me wants to grab my 12-yo. self by the shoulders, shake her and tell her that nobody really likes to practice the parts that are hard but that she will never really fell good about her playing if she doesn’t. Also that the way to get singing lessons is to go to a singing teacher and take some. And that she really should.
But then I might have ended as an opera singer, and who wants that?
After wrestling with these things for most of the day I came to the same decision as ever, the past is the past, I will never be top-notch in that regard but I can do the best I can with what I have now. And then I started reading about how to practice for performance, not only for being able to play things alone in your room. Which means I will have to fit additional practice into my days somehow because right now I’m pretty happy if I can fit a warmup in there. We’ll see how that goes. I might have to delete the twitter app even…
I also tackled the muslin and sewed for half an hour, did all the ironing that has been languishing since summer (took all of twenty minutes), wrote my 500 words, and started reading through novel number one again for line-edits and for taking out the song lyrics for copyright reasons. I found that in order to finish that until the end of the month I will have to spend about thirty minutes per day on it. I hope that I can fit that in.
I did get loads of quality sleep, so that was good, no run/walk because dealing with the chimney sweep took so much time that I had to decide between starting lunch and exercising.
Today I will do the grocery shopping, and I’m glad that most of the snow has melted so that it will be easier to ride my bike to the new supermarket, and I will teach, and I hope to make more progress on the muslin. And go to bed at nine or so. And do a little cleaning. These past few weeks my weekly Friday cleaning didn’t really work out, and I can see it becoming tight this week again, so I’m trying to fit a little cleaning in every day. Yesterday I couldn’t find the rag I use for dusting so I got off on a shaky start. I did clean the mirrors, though.
It’s funny, when I write about my days it sounds like I’m all busy all day when in reality there are hours and hours of me sitting around doing nothing.