Jul 212008

I actually might make this into my goal for the near future. I spend a lot of time dreaming and thinking while going about my day. I’m absent-minded and side-tracked. And I’m very reluctant to give that up.

So, why should I? Well, because it might be the one thing that can save me. I’m still a bit down, I’m feeling over-whelmed, and confused. These days that seems to be my natural state of mind. Especially the part about being confused. Some of it is hormonal (always, these days) some is the beauty that’s July, the last month before summer break with all the parties, events, barbecues, and social gatherings, because everything has to happen before August.

If I could get off auto-pilot and into the present moment I might feel calmer ad more at peace. Also I’d have more energy. I know that when I’m really in the moment all those worries, and fears, and unfinished things to do become a sort of background noise. They are less important and less overwhelming. And that often means that I’m getting more done, that I’m staying focused when actually doing something, and am able to follow things through.

I’m reluctant because I am afraid I’ll lose something crucial when giving up all this living in my head. Daydreaming is nice. Writing blog posts in my head while doing the dishes makes my life seem less mundane.

But in the end I’m fooling myself. When I’m blogging in my head while doing the dishes, I’ll be surfing the net while blogging, and knitting in my head while surfing the net, and so on, and so forth. In the end I will have missed most of my life because I wasn’t present to savour it.

So, that’s what I will be practicing for the next weeks at least. Doing the dishes while doing the dishes, blogging while blogging, be with my family while being with my family. And I’ll keep in mind the piano students of mine who say, “But I have been playing the piano for a whole year! Why am I still not brilliant?”. Because some things take a while.

It will be an interesting and unusual experience for sure.

  6 Responses to “Getting off auto-pilot”

  1. Isn’t this so true?! I have some of the same sensations in my life at the moment… could it also be the weather?

  2. Interesting.

    I daydream a lot too. Something to think about.

  3. One day at a time…I know what you mean. and you do feel better if you get yourself into wherever you are and experience the hours as they happen. I ought to get off the internet and actually do something 🙂

  4. Ich möchte meinen “Autopilot” nicht dauerhaft abschalten. Natürlich sollte man die Zeit mit seiner Familie, am PC oder mit ernsthafter kreativer Arbeit bewußt genießen. Aber ich wasche pro Woche ca. 5-6 Stunden Geschirr, schneide eine Stunde Fleisch für die Katzen und komme insgesamt pro Tag auf mindestens zwei Stunden, die mit eintöniger Arbeit drauf gehen und die ich nicht produktiv nutzen kann. Wenn ich diese Tätigkeiten nicht per “Autopilot” erledigen würde, käme mir diese Zeit vergeudet vor. So aber nutze ich diese lästigen Tätigkeiten und ordne schon einmal meine Gedanken. Wenn ich mich dann an den PC setze um eine Rezension zu verfassen, dann ist der Denkprozess schon erledigt und es geht nur noch darum die Gedanken zu Papier zu bringen.

  5. this post must have settled somewhere in my subconscious and just popped back up this morning.

    I was thinking that I’ve been drifting through life, rather happily thinking that I’m being successful at being “in the moment,” but other than being there, I’m not doing much. I don’t seem to have the knack of mindfulness coexisting with objectives.

    And I know I’ve given up having objectives since having children. It’s very hard for me because I know that it’s not the case for everyone, not at all. Most people manage (with varying degrees of success) to raise children AND have a life, but I can’t face the frustration of not being able to have everything my way because I have to integrate it with caring for others.

    Geez, this is not new information. It’s been the same story as long as we’ve “known” each other – two years. Perhaps I’ll browse the self-help section at the library tomorrow. 🙂

  6. I recently realised that I spend all my time worrying about my studies. When I go for a walk I worry, when I’m having a meal I worry, when I am visiting friends I worry.

    Now I try only think about my studies while I’m actually busy with them. It reminds me that studies is just a small part of who I am. I feel happier.

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