Jun 222007
 

Well, at least not much.

A couple of weeks ago I decided to give up eating sugar because I felt like I was addicted to it. In fact I haven’t been giving it up entirely. This is the amount of sugar I eat every day:


It’s all brown sugar, I choose the very dark chocolate that has brown sugar as the last ingredient on the list (I even tried chocolate with 99% cocoa in it, bleargh.) I don’t even remotely like dark chocolate. But I’m starting to get used to it. Better than no chocolate anyway. The müsli has a tiny amount of brown sugar in the corn flakes. I could eat the same sugar-free müsli as my husband but I like this much better. And the sugar cube shows my weakness, I can’t bring myself to drink black tea without sugar. And no, I won’t try artificial sweetener (Are you nuts? There are enough weird chemicals in my food as it is, and besides they taste horrible.), or splenda. (I don’t even know if that is available in Germany.) But from what I read about it I’d rather eat some honey or brown sugar, or even white sugar, before I tried that.

I know that when I’m writing about this “no-sugar”-thing I trigger every woman’s “I’m not eating healthy, and I should lose weight anyway.”-trip at once. Especially now that everybody is going the Atkins-route again, and carbohydrates are flailed right and left. I love carbs. I still eat a lot of sweet things. And I don’t think everybody should stop eating sugar. Only, when I start eating sugary things I instantly crave even more. And then, often, I can’t seem to stop before all is gone.

I still feel calmer when I don’t eat much sugar. But I’m getting used to it. At first, every time I ate something like cake I’d go completely hysteric. Or depressive. Now it doesn’t affect me that much. When I’m invited for cake, I eat cake. I only eat one piece though, not three. On Tuesday I even had iced coffee with ice cream and whipped cream with sugar in it. And stayed reasonably calm. I never eat those kinds of things at home though. My son’s candy is firmly out of bounds.

So it would be quite easy to say, “Oh, now I got it. I can have some white sugar on a regular basis without becoming all addicted again.” But I don’t think so. Every single time that I eat a piece of cake or a cookie I end up craving sugar even more than before. So this craving seems to be insatiable for me.

I’m still getting used to this. I miss baking. Every time I go to the grocery store I recite, “I can’t have this, and I can’t have that. ” “No sugar, no candy, no cake, no cookies, no ice cream,…” But it’s getting better. There are whole aisles I’m not going into anymore. And I’m finding peace in that. I don’t miss the bloated and disgusting feeling I had when I ate a bag of potato chips, chocolate, and a bag of jelly beans in one sitting. I don’t miss that feeling at all. And I don’t miss all that discussions going on in my head like, “But I want only one more piece of chocolate. And then I’ll stop.” and the mother-me saying, “But you already had four pieces. And you know that you will keep on eating, so why don’t you just stop now and eat the rest tomorrow.” – “But I waaaant toooooo.” – “Stop it.” – “Waaaaaaa.” – Sigh. “Okay, but just one.”
(After writing a screen play for three weeks I still haven’t got the hang of formatting dialogue. And in case you’re interested, 13,491 words so far. I know, I’m way behind.)

Oh, and if you think of cutting back on sugar for weight-loss reasons, I can tell you that eating two pounds of nuts for snacks every week will take care of that. I mean, the weight loss. Or, the lack of.

  29 Responses to “I still don’t eat sugar”

  1. Perfect timing on this post. I was thinking quite well – getting the thoughts of denial out of my head and concentrating on “thinking thin” – when I hit a patch of no-napping for Lorenzo and have been stress-eating the candy bars.

    Even as I’m doing it, I know I don’t enjoy it, not even the taste.

  2. Perfect timing on this post. I was thinking quite well – getting the thoughts of denial out of my head and concentrating on “thinking thin” – when I hit a patch of no-napping for Lorenzo and have been stress-eating the candy bars.

    Even as I’m doing it, I know I don’t enjoy it, not even the taste.

  3. I have also been wondering why I keep on doing things I don’t enjoy yet I’m scared to do things I do enjoy because the child in me sees these things as work.

    Strange.

  4. I have also been wondering why I keep on doing things I don’t enjoy yet I’m scared to do things I do enjoy because the child in me sees these things as work.

    Strange.

  5. Susanne, good for you.

    It’s funny because I’ve noticed that same behaviour with Mme L. She seems to be really sensitive to sugar and there’s a lot of Type II diabetes in Joe’s family, so I’m being really careful with her. More careful than I am with myself. In fact, I was thinking the other day that I should stick to a strict diet of eating only what she does (except in larger amounts, of course).

    I look forward to hearing more about your journey.

  6. Susanne, good for you.

    It’s funny because I’ve noticed that same behaviour with Mme L. She seems to be really sensitive to sugar and there’s a lot of Type II diabetes in Joe’s family, so I’m being really careful with her. More careful than I am with myself. In fact, I was thinking the other day that I should stick to a strict diet of eating only what she does (except in larger amounts, of course).

    I look forward to hearing more about your journey.

  7. With all that “I can’t have this, I can’t have that” talk going on, do you ever feel the need to rebel? I’m pretty sure that’s what I would do. I can feel really good about eating right for a few days, and then suddenly I’m seized with the desire to gorge myself on FAR more than I would eat on an ordinary day if I hadn’t been trying to control myself.

  8. With all that “I can’t have this, I can’t have that” talk going on, do you ever feel the need to rebel? I’m pretty sure that’s what I would do. I can feel really good about eating right for a few days, and then suddenly I’m seized with the desire to gorge myself on FAR more than I would eat on an ordinary day if I hadn’t been trying to control myself.

  9. You might try making a coffeecake with canola oil, concentrated frozen fruit juice (orange/peach/mango combo or pineapple beats orange or apple), whole grain flour, (sometimes I substitute 1/2 Cup oatmeal for part of the flour), an egg, raisins, (and sometimes nuts), and baking soda.) Yes, the juice and raisins have natural fruit sugar, so if diabetes is an issue, that would matter, but otherwise, I think you can enjoy it, and feel guilt-free, even about second helpings.
    It bakes at 350 –I prefer a square 8″ pyrex–in 20-30 minutes (test with a toothpick). Add cinnamon for more flavor and to lower your cholesterol.
    Anne

  10. You might try making a coffeecake with canola oil, concentrated frozen fruit juice (orange/peach/mango combo or pineapple beats orange or apple), whole grain flour, (sometimes I substitute 1/2 Cup oatmeal for part of the flour), an egg, raisins, (and sometimes nuts), and baking soda.) Yes, the juice and raisins have natural fruit sugar, so if diabetes is an issue, that would matter, but otherwise, I think you can enjoy it, and feel guilt-free, even about second helpings.
    It bakes at 350 –I prefer a square 8″ pyrex–in 20-30 minutes (test with a toothpick). Add cinnamon for more flavor and to lower your cholesterol.
    Anne

  11. De, I don’t know about that “thinking thin”-book you’re reading but I have been trying to “think thin” for ages. With mixed results. And binge eating is not about joy.

    Hel, I’m procrastinating to do the things I enjoy all the time. And I’m scared too. Often it’s only afterwards that I feel the joy.

    Notsosage, my whole journey towards healthy eating started with the realization that I would never allow my son to eat the way I did. And that maybe it was time for me to follow my own rules.

    Bubandpie, what you’re describing was the reason that no diet ever worked for me. The last two years have been different though. I suddenly saw clearly that it was my choice. Every single potato chip. And that the things that triggered my binge eating couldn’t be satisfied by food.

    If I had try to abstain from sugar only a year ago it wouldn’t have worked. Seeing all the things I can’t have would have thrown me into a rebellious eating fit only to have me emerge days later. Now I feel more detached from those cravings. I blame the meditation. And I know that I can always have what I want. It’s my decision. If I want to eat sugar, I do.

    But then I have to pay for it with depression or crankiness. And that isn’t worth it.

  12. De, I don’t know about that “thinking thin”-book you’re reading but I have been trying to “think thin” for ages. With mixed results. And binge eating is not about joy.

    Hel, I’m procrastinating to do the things I enjoy all the time. And I’m scared too. Often it’s only afterwards that I feel the joy.

    Notsosage, my whole journey towards healthy eating started with the realization that I would never allow my son to eat the way I did. And that maybe it was time for me to follow my own rules.

    Bubandpie, what you’re describing was the reason that no diet ever worked for me. The last two years have been different though. I suddenly saw clearly that it was my choice. Every single potato chip. And that the things that triggered my binge eating couldn’t be satisfied by food.

    If I had try to abstain from sugar only a year ago it wouldn’t have worked. Seeing all the things I can’t have would have thrown me into a rebellious eating fit only to have me emerge days later. Now I feel more detached from those cravings. I blame the meditation. And I know that I can always have what I want. It’s my decision. If I want to eat sugar, I do.

    But then I have to pay for it with depression or crankiness. And that isn’t worth it.

  13. Anne, thanks for the recipe. I am well aware that there are cakes I can bake. Only I have been too lazy to look them up. I’d have to find a box of old cookbooks in the garage. And strangely it doesn’t seem that important.

  14. Anne, thanks for the recipe. I am well aware that there are cakes I can bake. Only I have been too lazy to look them up. I’d have to find a box of old cookbooks in the garage. And strangely it doesn’t seem that important.

  15. I’ve been working on my eating lately, too. And feeling a lot better because of it! I just sort of realized one day that even though I’m mostly a good weight, binge eating is NEVER good, and eating a huge bag of chips right before bed is not healthy. That kind of eating by yourself just because eating is not healthy. I’ve been trying to think healthy, think nourishing, and I’ve found myself having a lot more energy. I’ve never been addicted to sugar, but when I get my cravings, they are always for a huge plate of pasta or a bowl of ramen noodles or boxed mac n cheese or something like that. Carbs galore.

    Anyways, I’m glad you’re succeeding at it! I find myself thinking less about eating before I go to bed now, it is becoming less of a craving. Oh, and I’ve adopted that “French Women Don’t Get Fat” philosophy about eating in company, not eating by myself. Helps with the binge eating a lot.

  16. I’ve been working on my eating lately, too. And feeling a lot better because of it! I just sort of realized one day that even though I’m mostly a good weight, binge eating is NEVER good, and eating a huge bag of chips right before bed is not healthy. That kind of eating by yourself just because eating is not healthy. I’ve been trying to think healthy, think nourishing, and I’ve found myself having a lot more energy. I’ve never been addicted to sugar, but when I get my cravings, they are always for a huge plate of pasta or a bowl of ramen noodles or boxed mac n cheese or something like that. Carbs galore.

    Anyways, I’m glad you’re succeeding at it! I find myself thinking less about eating before I go to bed now, it is becoming less of a craving. Oh, and I’ve adopted that “French Women Don’t Get Fat” philosophy about eating in company, not eating by myself. Helps with the binge eating a lot.

  17. I have been eating dark chocolate with chili in it for the last couple of weeks and I am getting used to it but I still eat quite a bit of sugar.. I am farther behind on my script than you are so no worries.. you are more than half way done!

  18. I have been eating dark chocolate with chili in it for the last couple of weeks and I am getting used to it but I still eat quite a bit of sugar.. I am farther behind on my script than you are so no worries.. you are more than half way done!

  19. i’m not eating healthy, i need to lose weight….:)

    seriously, i am actually hitting the wagon on monday. i need to reign it in a bit.

  20. i’m not eating healthy, i need to lose weight….:)

    seriously, i am actually hitting the wagon on monday. i need to reign it in a bit.

  21. and um, yeah..what hel said.

  22. welcome to my world, being diabetic will take care of a sugar addiction.

  23. welcome to my world, being diabetic will take care of a sugar addiction.

  24. I’m not good at thinking or eating “thin”—-I’d rather beat myself into a lather working out than think about food.

    BUT, I’m proud of your dedication!

  25. I’m not good at thinking or eating “thin”—-I’d rather beat myself into a lather working out than think about food.

    BUT, I’m proud of your dedication!

  26. Apparently I am eating your share of sugar for you. You’re welcome.

  27. Apparently I am eating your share of sugar for you. You’re welcome.

  28. I don’t think I couuld give up sugar, esp the golden brown stuff. ~Oh, and chocolate. Too addicted.

    sigh

    Cutting back though? Probably a good idea at this end… grrrr. Must try harder!

  29. I don’t think I couuld give up sugar, esp the golden brown stuff. ~Oh, and chocolate. Too addicted.

    sigh

    Cutting back though? Probably a good idea at this end… grrrr. Must try harder!

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