creative.mother.thinking

Yesterday I managed to do everything I wanted to. For once. I started writing in the morning, after breakfast, I cleaned the house, I made pizza using a new dough recipe (not quite sure on that one, will experiment further), I even did the dishes before teaching which I often don’t manage on Fridays.

I wrote some more between students so that I got my 2,000 words in before dinner, then I made pancake soup while hanging up laundry with the boy’s help, we watched Star Trek TNG and „How I Met Your Mother“, then I wrote some more, and only went to bed a little late.

The plan for today is to write like the wind, and spend the morning running 11 kilometers. Since I haven’t run a lot these past weeks I feel like I can’t really do that, and I also am thinking that after the run I might be so exhausted that I can’t write anymore but that’s just silly. I was fine doing my long runs in the past, and while I might not reach 10,000 words today I will certainly come close.

Seems I do love a challenge. Huh.

And I keep thinking how cool it would be to reach the 50,000 words by tomorrow.

I am at 31,939 at the moment, by the way.

So I’m pretty happy because yesterday went very well. I went running even though I didn’t want to and afterwards felt much happier and more energetic. Also every day for the past few days my husband has made for lunch what I wished for. Well, he has been running out of ideas so he has been asking me what we should eat, but still.

And then there appeared a thread in the NaNoWriMo-group on ravelry for „Those who didn’t“. I’ve been thinking about giving up for more than a week now. Seeing that thread there, though, made something snap in me. There was still a whole week to go. There are people who can write a whole novel in a week. I mean, it is perfectly legitimate to decide not to finish NaNo, no shame in that, it was just that I don’t want to.

I don’t usually care all that much about accountability, and whether I reach the goals I publicly declare but NaNo seems to be a little different, I have won it every single time I did it, and I don’t really want to come out of November without at least the 50K. Even though I was sick for two weeks, and scrapped my novel after three days, and then spent about five days planning a new one rather sloppily. Even though I hadn’t even reached the halfway point with only a week to go.

I sat down and looked at my calendar, and things were looking dire. I knew I’d have quite a bit of time yesterday with only one student, not a lot of time today with all the teaching and the cleaning, and quite a bit of time on the weekend. I will probably not write a single word on Monday because that’s when I get my next thyroid exam, and I have a dentist’s appointment on Tuesday, so there will probably not be any writing that day as well. Wednesday is another pretty busy day, and on Thursday I had planned to record the next podcast episode. Also I really dislike writing a lot on the last day because so much can go wrong, and it is really stressful.

For a moment I was really disheartened.

Then I made a plan. It’s gorgeous, it’s insane, but it just might work.

I planned to write 5,000 words yesterday, 2,000 today, and 10,000 each on Saturday and Sunday.

Easy!

I did actually manage to write the 5,000 yesterday. I employed my little pomodoro timer and it went really well. Was fun even.

Doing the 2,000 today will be a little more challenging, especially since I already wasted an hour between 5 and 6 am (why yes, I woke up early again, yawn). Doing 10,000 a day is just insane, and I have never managed to do it before but I’ll try. And if I don’t quite manage that I will still have a few days left to do the rest.

If I give up – which I don’t think I will – it won’t be with a whole week left before the end. Nope.

Still unbelievably tired. This is no fun.

Yesterday was a weird in between day because the boy didn’t have school but my husband and I were teaching as usual. I had a potential new student come in which made me somewhat nervous. It’s funny, I’ve been doing this job for ages now but I still get the jitters every single time.

Things went well, and she’ll start next week.

But being out of sorts meant no writing. I only started in the evening after hours and hours of procrastinating, and that meant I only managed to write 1,500 words. Things are starting to look dire, I still need to write 27,000 words, and while today should be a low key day with lots of time to write (not that I usually write a lot on those days) tomorrow will be rather busy, and on Monday and Tuesday I have doctor’s appointments that mean I won’t get anything done.

Of course everything would be fine if I just wrote 10,000 words a day on the weekend but we all know how that has worked for me in the past. Not.

So today there will be running, and teaching very few students, and the mailing of a package, and not much more.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt this tired. Maybe back when the boy was a baby that never slept. There is no use in trying to stay up past 9.30 or so, I just fall asleep.

Fatigue has become this all-encompassing feeling threaded through every waking moment. It waxes and wanes but it’s always there. I’ve been trying to think energetic thoughts because I can’t do anything about it but it has only been successful a little at times.

Maybe in December I’ll try just taking a nap whenever I want to unless I am working. But if sleep were the answer I wouldn’t wake up that early, wouldn’t I?

So I’m very happy to have the doctor’s appointment on Monday, and the other one in mid-December because then I might find an answer or two.

Now I need to write. All the words.

So I actually managed to write 3,500 words yesterday which is pretty awesome. Unfortunately I will have to repeat that every day until the end of November to make my goal.

But success!

Other than that I did skip strength training, and did not manage to wrap my sister’s birthday presents. Which have to be sent off today or tomorrow.

Today there will be running, teaching, and writing. Not a lot more. Well, the wrapping of the presents. I even remembered where I put my sticky tape.

I read something I wanted to blog about yesterday as well but then I totally forgot. I hope it will come back.

Oh, and one other thing that is rather exciting – at least to me – is that there is now a form to subscribe to my mailing list. So if you’re interested in hearing about my fiction writing you can sign up, and get an email when things become more solid.

I really hope I can make the boy move some of his stuff into his new room today. He doesn’t have school because of the holiday. He is somewhat reluctant because his new room is just so nice and pristine but I’d rather have my living room back some day.

Yesterday was particularly busy with more students than usual on a Monday. I also tried writing every minute I got which lead to 931 words throughout the day, and a total of 1,503. Which is somewhat disappointing.

I even started writing in the morning. And I almost didn’t go for a run because of it. I was still at home when my husband came back from his run, and then he said I really should go even if it meant having lunch a little late.

So I went running, and I loved it even though it was pretty cold and muddy ouside. I should show you a picture of my running shoes, they look completely ridiculous, covered in mud over and over.

I managed to take a quick shower before teaching, and only had a short break between students in the afternoon. That I spent writing again.

I had an early dinner all alone because my husband wasn’t done teaching yet, and the boy had dinner at his grandmother’s, then I did all the dishes (no time for that after lunch), got myself into pajamas so that I wouldn’t eat or drink anymore that day (and also because I had been falling asleep while typing the days before, and waking up with a crick in your neck, and then having to still brush your teeth at 11 is no fun).

It was early and I thought I could still write about 2,000 words but I was almost asleep again by 8.45 so I decided to call it a day and go to bed properly.

I have slept very well, and woke up at 5. Since I am still wanting to reach my November writing goal (I’m not quite sure how but I’ll try.) I then started writing a bit.

I think I’ll have a little more time today than I had yesterday.

There will be grocery shopping, and errands, and a post office run (probably), and more writing. I hope.

This has been an unusually full November so far. And the whole „falling asleep at 8.30 each night“-thing isn’t actually helping.

So my grand plan of writing and writing and writing didn’t quite materialize. First I downloaded a new game for my iPad which was a spectacularly dumb move, then I got interrupted every five minutes, and then I spent the whole afternoon putting furniture together and fixing it to the walls.

The good thing is that the boy’s new room is as good as done now. He needs to move his stuff upstairs but that’s all.

I did fall asleep while typing again last night, and only managed writing 1,000 words. Which is not quite enough. I’m just about to give up but then if I gave up I’d still continue writing this book, so it’s all the same. Also I always think of giving up in week three. Only I have never been that behind before.

I think in the long run I need to plan my writing so that I take a day or two a week completely off, and actually do the writing on the other days. That’s not an option for now, though, because of being behind.

Today I will go running, and teach a lot of students, and try to squeeze the writing in between.

One other obstacle to me getting words done has been the fact that I’ve been building a fire in the wood stove each morning. That involves about thirty minutes of sitting in front of it coaxing the flames to grow. That is perfect writing time going out the window right there.

I do love the warmth of the stove, though, and it is a good idea to start the fire that early.

So I guess I better stop writing here on the blog and start writing on the novel right now.