Archives for June 2024

No Tour de Fleece this year and all the laundry

June 30, 2024 by Susanne Leave a Comment

I went to bed too late, woke up from the alarm, decided that I didn’t want the time crunch before breakfast and would do the morning routine after and that basically set the tone for the day.

Let’s see. One of the first things in the morning was my husband telling me that, oops, he forgot to tell me that I needed to make jam this weekend. Which made all my weekend plans topple right at the start. So I rearranged everything in my head including a way overpacked Saturday.

But first I managed to finish Clue 1 of the mystery shawl and wove all the ends in. (Sorry, no pictures, since it’s a mystery I’m not supposed to show them yet.)

Instead of cleaning and/or doing strength training I rode my bike to the supermarket in the scorching heat to buy jam-making sugar.

I came back, started the first load of laundry, had a spectacular fight with my husband who was going on and on about how much work he had and that he needed help and that no one is doing anything around here. He is unhappy with the way his mother is handling the transition to needing more help. She used to do about half of the yard work and they had a clear division of tasks but over the past few years she has done less and less – which is totally fine because she is getting rather old – but hasn’t talked about it with anyone. So now we just have certain areas that are overgrown and unkempt because my husband has his hands full with the grass and all his vegetable beds, I’m in over my head with inside stuff and now the boy should be stepping up but he is stressed out with uni things and also really hates working outside.

Just like my mother-in-law is just tacitly expecting the rest of the family to step in and take over without saying anything, my husband also is cranky that the boy and I don’t just see what needs to be done and take over. He also thinks that I don’t see what work is needed but, well, that is not true. I admit that I almost never go to the back of the garden where the compost lives but I am well aware of all the work that needs to be done at the front of the house.

Part of my energy drain is the constant voice in the back of my head murmuring, „Oh, we need to paint the facade, and well, I should really weed the part between the hedge and the sidewalk, oops, that patch over there is really overgrown, oh, and there are weeds here as well, and that bit of the wall is crumbling, oh, there is a ding in that wall that needs patching, I should really oil that sliding door and I have been meaning to clean that corner for years now…“ And on and on and on.

I am slowly getting around to take care of things, one small thing after the other but it might be too slow. Another part of me keeps wanting to clear three to four weeks during summer break where I just work all day long to get it all in order but that is extremely unrealistic.

Anyways, husband insisted on making Indian food, without my help because I was away, and was even almost on time despite having to start the dal twice. It turns out if you store a package of yellow lentils in the basement pantry and the packaging is paper instead of plastic you end up with – moldy lentils. And if you happen to just realize that after having put all the lentils in the put where you had already sautéed all the onions, garlic, ginger and condiments that might be a major throwback on an already crowded day.

So, lunch was not as relaxing or delicious as we would have preferred:

It is also the season of fried zucchini with everything but that did not make it on my plate for some reason.

To soothe myself I then proceeded to eat some pastry and chocolate and I played silly iPad games for a while. I did talk to the boy briefly.

At 3 my husband’s friend showed up. The two of them haven’t seen each other in years. We all really like him, he’s one of the most pleasant people I’ve ever met in my life.

By then it was so hot that the two of them stayed inside and sat in front of a fan with all the inside doors open. Which was one reason why I didn’t pull out the vacuum cleaner at this point.

I did hang up one load of laundry and started the second, did the dishes and watched the rest of a video for a course I’m taking that will be down by Monday.

I hung up the second load of laundry and started the third, helped my husband make frozen pizza and sat down for dinner. Since there were only three pizzas for four people the boy and I shared one. I made up the difference in calories with – more chocolate.

I did Duolingo and such, played more silly games, watched an episode of „Handsome Siblings“ and one of „Spy x Family“ and finally spun for 15 minutes while reading. This is before:

Fifteen minutes later the whole thing looked like this:

While spinning my hands felt a little uncomfortable but okay. Well, spoiler, this morning they did not feel okay at all. So I’m out, no Tour de Fleece this year.

By then it was already bedtime but I still did pull out the summer duvet and change the sheets and got my husband’s summer duvet and brought that over to the annex where he was watching soccer.

I then procrastinated taking a shower, finally made myself get wet around midnight, then had to wait a bit to air the place out to cool it down a bit and get the humidity down and went to bed at 12.30.

This morning I was adamant about doing my full morning routine including yoga. Still, I was super slow and ran out of time after morning pages. No idea why.

So this will be another super busy day. At least I hope so.

At least I took some time to rest?

June 29, 2024 by Susanne Leave a Comment

Or rather play silly iPad games until my hand hurt.

Let’s see. I woke up still super low on energy and decided to skip my morning routine in favor of reading. I still had faint hope of fitting yoga in at one point. (Spoiler: I did not fit yoga in.)

I wanted to do all the cleaning and change the sheets on my bed and change to the summer duvet but instead I did everything very slowly and was paralyzed by the knowledge that I’d go out for lunch. As one does.

My husband has been missing his weekly lunch dates with his friend. Said friend moved to Spain and no-one else wants to go out for lunch every Friday so occasionally the two of us go. To the Greek restaurant. Which cut into my cleaning time.

I was very proud of not drinking the offered free ouzo but still ordered a beer:

I had souvlaki, gyros, tomato rice, tzatziki, a bit of salad and a pita bread. And a beer. This will become important later.

Afterwards I went to the supermarket across the street for the chocolate I forgot to buy the day before. Was it a dire chocolate emergency? Not at all. We still have plenty of dark chocolate at home, only not the kind I craved. Also, I was cranky because I hadn’t gotten anything done all morning. I had hoped to finish the cleaning in the morning and do some sewing in the afternoon.

When we came home I talked with the boy a bit and we measured his window for a bit of mosquito netting. His room under the rood is super hot in the summer. If he leaves the window open he’ll get eaten by bugs so he needs something to prevent that.

I took a break after eating only a third of the chocolate (such restraint!), taught my two delightful students, was totally committed to at least start the cleaning or something but instead just – sat there.

I knew that I don’t get anything done the rest of the day if I drink alcohol at lunchtime. I still did it. Dumb move.

At least the boy and I met up to watch another episode of „Dead Boy Detectives“. Episode 6 did not disappoint.

And then I sat there playing more games, not really wanting to go to bed and leave the day a failure but also totally aware that it was already too late to watch something else. I did not start this post, I did not make a list for today or anything.

I’d say I’ll do better today but that already looks iffy. And yes, I had a hard week and need rest but not like that.

Oh, and since a lot of you have asked why we don’t just get a dishwasher (since dreading the washing up plays such a huge role in my day to day life), well, back when we had a dishwasher things weren’t actually better. Since everybody here is always cooking everything from scratch we need a lot of pots and pans in a day and there is just no room in our kitchen for more than four pans and seven pots, also we have quite a few things in regular rotation that can’t go in the dishwasher (like pottery mugs and wooden spoons and spatulas) and dishwashers smell horrible and leave an awful residue on everything.

But you’re right, I should stop complaining, it’s getting old.

All the errands!

June 28, 2024 by Susanne 1 Comment

And the day proved that energy doesn’t always move like you expect.

I went to bed half an hour late which I count as a major achievement because I was teaching late, had to do the dishes a third time that day and the boy was not only talkative around my bedtime but also took a shower that prevented me from brushing my teeth when I had planned to do it.

But. Only half an hour late! Yeah!

I woke up before the alarm again. Maybe I need blackout curtains after all. I did feel good though, despite still being fatigued and fuzzy-brained.

I wrote morning pages, did yoga and meditated but forgot to take my blood pressure. It’s always something. My husband and I managed to make our breakfasts at the same time without irritating each other. We talked and I knitted a quick two rows.

And then I got a call on my cell and it was my doctor telling me that my rheumatoid factors were all negative. Which is good. No one wants an autoimmune diseases.

And then it was on. I did the breakfast dishes, put everything together that I’d need for all the errands, took a shower, did Duolingo, brushed my teeth and cut my toenails. Rode my bike to see the guy who makes orthotics without wearing my helmet because my hair was all wet and I didn’t want to have to deal with that things in addition to a backpack and two panniers.

Orthotics guy was super nice as always and is one of the very few people I see wearing a mask. We talked about my orthotics and feet and strength training and he confirmed that my feet are looking better and way less saggy than the last time.

After I bought some yogurt, biked by the town hall, a cemetery and a school to the „mall“, printed photos at one store, returned the four tops I had ordered (none of them fit) and did a huge grocery run.

Came back in time for lunch. My husband had gone and done his own errands in the meantime, one of them to the Asian grocery store:

a bowl of Thai rice noodles with veggies, prawns and fresh coriander with a glass of water and some dark chopsticks

There was still a bit of time before teaching which was really good because I needed a bit of rest before tackling all the teaching.

I was very grateful that the boy did the dishes in the afternoon.

After teaching I talked briefly with the rest of the family, played silly iPad games, started writing this post, wrote in my bullet journal, did Duolingo, foot exercises and knitted in front of another „Handsome Siblings“ episode. I am currently starting the saggy middle and am contemplating switching to something else. Maybe.

Today will probably be much easier which is a very good thing. Phew.

Fatigue and sometimes playing the piano is more important than dinner

June 27, 2024 by Susanne Leave a Comment

I went to bed at 10.30, slept like a log and woke up before my alarm. I did enjoy the slow morning but had to force myself to do the morning routine. I felt like half my brain was still asleep the whole day. It’s a very familiar feeling, like gravity is stronger and I’m super stupid. I make more mistakes and am confused and have a hard time communicating.

At one point I was talking with a friend online and was thinking, „Is there such a thing as half a shutdown?“ As in meltdown/shutdown. Like a meltdown is basically the same as an overtired overstimulated toddler in a grocery store going completely ballistic. A shutdown feels similar in that you don’t have control anymore but instead of flying off the handle you just – shut down. A switch gets flipped and you can’t talk, retreat into yourself and feel like frozen.

So I went researching. And the thing I was looking for was – autistic burnout. Duh.

I mean, getting enough sleep will definitely help but it won’t be enough to get me out of this. I guess I’ll think a bit more about this. I will also not take on more students before summer break.

I talked with my husband and did the dishes and was interrupted because my mother-in-law had the plumber over and this time he did have to turn the main water off. The summer tops that I had ordered arrived, I tried them on and none of them fit properly, so those will go back. I had two kinds, the one kind was way too thin and too small and looked like undershirts and the second kind had armholes that were too deep and a racerback that showed my bra straps and also looked like undershirts.

I guess I’ll make do with the two summer tops I have been wearing the past few years. One of them fits properly, the second one is too tight but works okay with a skirt.

I did bodyweight training and while I had been thinking about making the exercises harder I then realized that part of the reason why I had been feeling so heavy the past few days was that my muscles were still sore from my last workout. Taking painkillers is screwing with my sense of whether a workout was too hard or if I can push my foot strengthening a bit or should rest them again.

See, I was washing the dishes, walking through the kitchen barefoot so my foot muscles would build up and for the past few weeks I have been doing this until I feel on the edge of pain and then I wear my orthotics again. And only yesterday did it occur to me that pain is not a reliable indicator if you take painkillers. So I need to be more careful.

Anyways, my husband made fish, potatoes, peas and carrots after coming back home from his many errands:

a plate of potatoes, breaded fish, peas, carrots and bell pepper and a glass of water

That lovely burnt spot on the fish is the result of my husband leaving the kitchen and thinking I would be next to the stove to keep an eye on the frying pan while I was in the bathroom.

After dinner I did the dishes right away (yeah, me!), took a short break, taught all the students and proofread a short story that I want to use as a reader magnet in between. Then I played the piano a bit which made me very happy and made myself a grilled cheese sandwich that also made me very happy:

grilled cheese sandwich on a handthrown plate

My energy at this point was basically non-existent so I watched some K-pop dance, started writing this post, did Duolingo, did the dishes again, watched some C-drama and went to bed.

Today will be errand and supermarket day. I really need to make a list. I need to take a shower and cut my toe nails before I see the technician for a new pair of orthotics, buy yogurt in one supermarket, ride my bike over to the other supermarket, get some photos printed, return the tops that don’t fit and do the weekly grocery shopping all in the space of – checks notes – two hours. Should be doable but will be hard.

And then collapse. But only after work, of course.

Boob squeeze

June 26, 2024 by Susanne Leave a Comment

I had a good day and everything went fine, my husband went totally nuts with the cooking while I was away for my mammogram:

a plate with kritharaki, fried zucchini slices, a boiled egg, white beans in tomato sauce and homemade stuffed wine leaves with a glass of water

In the evening I sat there for an hour not doing anything because I was procrastinating starting this post. Thought about just writing it this morning, then remembered whose blog this is and here we are.

Very good start to the week

June 26, 2024 by Susanne Leave a Comment

Went to bed around midnight, slept like a log but my sleep app thinks I didn’t get any deep sleep whatsoever. I better stop with the beer from now on.

While I did fall asleep after the alarm again I woke early enough to cram my morning routine in. The whole routine including meditation and taking my blood pressure. Husband and I had a nice breakfast and then the doorbell rang and the gardener my husband had written an email to over the weekend stood on the threshold to discuss balcony and porch repairs. Both are going the way of wood outside. The wooden grates in front of my husband’s studio have started rotting through and that is just not safe.

I did the breakfast dishes, made sure the boy was up because he had wanted to go to uni but then he told me he’d stay in and study instead of spending 1 1/2 hours on trains to attend a 1 1/2 hour lecture. I did my bodyweight training and then went to my GP’s office.

Where they greeted me by name without me even saying anything. They also don’t ask if I’m sick when I’m showing up in my mask. I might have been there a lot lately. Today I had the blood draw for checking rheumatoid factors. The doctor said he’d call me on the phone on Thursday. He also told me to take the pain pills the other doctor gave me three times a day for up to two weeks. Whelp!

On the bright side that makes not drinking much easier.

On my way back I stopped by the health food store, came home and helped making salad and we had spaghetti for lunch. I can’t show it to you because I seem to have forgotten to take a picture.

My husband and I ended up fighting over lunch and I exploded with all the pent up anxiety, frustration and exhaustion of sleep deprivation and another battery of medical tests. Not fun.

I took a break, tried preparing for that evening’s coaching but didn’t get far, taught my students, used the break I had when a student didn’t show to fill out my mammogram form for today, ate dinner after my last student and went back to the studio for the coaching call after that.

Coaching was nice as always but I wasn’t really prepared. I did get to check in, at least and share the things that are going better since last month.

Then I started writing this post, did Duolingo, basked in the glory that is a clean kitchen where the boy did the dishes, watched some C-drama and went to bed.

Today will be another one of these non-stop go, go, go days, phew.