creative.mother.thinking

Here I am, 39. When I was young I thought at such an enormous age I’d have my life down pat. Um, not so much.

But I’m really proud of myself. During the last year I have made a lot of change towards the better. Started new things like playing the guitar and not-eating-chocolate-in-the-kitchen every night. And the most important change of all, working on being a musician. This time for real. No more “But I don’t have the time!” and “I’ll do it tomorrow!” excuses.

So far I’ve had a very nice birthday with Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte, gifts of self made or cut flowers by my two men, and then

I GOT THIS!!!!!

Just what a girl wants. You can keep all your fancy shoes if you like.

P.S.: Well, actually I got half of that, but I ordered it nonetheless and in a week or so I’ll have the laptop I’ve always wanted since apple made the first ibooks. In orange. But I’ll settle for white, when it’s ten times as fast.

Technorati Tags: birthday, laptop, macbook

It’s coming soon. Only three more days to go. And no, I’m not speaking of BlogHer, I’m speaking of my own personal house concert. And you can still be invited, only drop me an e-mail at diapersandmusic AT web DOT de. I have sent out 18 invitations to about 25 people. So far there are two people coming and two not. (And I checked. I got the date right and there’s a little paragraph with “please tell me whether you’re attending” and my phone number and e-mail-address are correct.

So that is my first anxiety. Will I be playing in front of an empty room? And when only two people come, do I play regardless of my small audience? And I’m not counting my husband and son, who both will be there. ‘Though my son had to sit through half the program this morning and after each song he asked me “Are you done yet?” He patted me on my thigh while I played and asked a million questions and then announced that he can’t be quiet for such a long time. So maybe he won’t be staying for the whole thing. (I have a babysitter in attendance.)

My husband got real grumpy today, because this concert adds to our regular every year pre-summer break stress. And I had to get myself a new haircut. But I refrained from buying clothes.

What I bought instead was a new microphone. It’s amazing. A few weeks ago we tested a couple of microphones. My husband is setting up his studio for a new CD. And we found out that the mike that I had used all the years was by far the worst. Even a simple Shure 57 sounded better than that.

And I found out something else, my performance problem was due in part to not stage fright but microphone fright. Since I have been using microphones only in settings where there are a lot of reasons to be nervous, such as on stage with live audience, or in the studio, I never realized that I am afraid of the mike as such.

During the last two weeks I have therefore set up my keyboard and my new marvelous wonderful microphone and practiced with the actual setup. I have to confess, I have been sloppy in this regard. In the past I have neglected to warm myself to the PA. Big mistake. And since I’m quite unusual for a singer in that I’m actually able to tell a technician what I want and since I’m able to set up my own PA, I thought I was good. Ha!

I should know it by now. Every time I think I got something down pat, it rears its head again. But now I’m working on it. And the new fabulous microphone helps and the new tube amp too.

But apart from a few problems I’m really looking forward to Saturday. So, if you’re in M.U.N.I.C.H. On July 29, come.

Technocrati Tags:
singer, stage fright, microphone

Technorati Tags: microphone, singer, stage

(I know I’m late. Sorry.)

So, after a night of disturbed sleep, people shouting in front of my window, a bell, tolling the hours, and finally the sound of my mother’s coughing at 5.22, I was real tired and wide awake. But I had to get up at six anyway. I meditated, I did a primary back stretch, I did morning pages, I dressed in my really tight black jeans and frilly flowery brown top with the new bra, and applied makeup. Then I went down and had a typical German breakfast. Blah! Okay, there was tea, but of the kind where I prefer to have coffee (and I don’t like coffee at all). At breakfast I actually panicked, because I seemed to be the only member of the wedding party who hadn’t brushed her teeth and packed before breakfast. So I rushed back up, brushed, applied lipstick, packed, rushed back down, and paid for my room. On the way I met my mother. Before that I had thought everybody had left without me, leaving me stranded with no means of transportation. But then I found my parent’s car, put my meager backpack on top of their very big suitcase in the trunk, and then – my father and I waited for my mother.

Immediately I felt a sense of familiarity. When I was still living with my parents, this was the way every single family outing started. But finally my mother arrived and ‘though we were a little late, there were guests even later. We all met at my sister’s apartment and set off like a caravan with three cars. Everything was recorded on video and there were four people taking pictures.

The Standesamt (civil wedding office) actually is situated in a very lovely old part of the town house. The registrar who did the ceremony was not an inspiration, but the surroundings.

My sister was very cool and denied any signs of excitement in her or her spouse to be, though they seemed a little tense to me. Then, halfway through the ceremony, I saw this little half smile on her face. It looks as if she were coolly amused, but I know her better. It is concealing the fact that she is so moved that she might start to cry. But she didn’t (emotional outbursts are frowned upon in my family).

Afterwards there were hugs and pictures aplenty, good wishes and then my new in-laws brought out the champagne. Since my sister is working in a library facing the town hall, all the librarians came out, and we had a big impromptu reception on the town square.

There she was, my little sister, married. And I actually like my brother-in-law a lot. And she changed her name! Who would have thought! She told me, she didn’t want to have to carry around a copy of her marriage certificate at all times to be able to prove that she is related to her husband like I do. And since she had to have a name that you have to spell out frequently she’d rather spell five than nine letters.

They looked very sweet, moderately dressed up, she in pants that are no jeans, and him actually wearing a real shirt (borrowed from his father). I think the mothers were a little sad that there was so little elegance. My sister didn’t even wear makeup, since it was so hot that everything melted instantly. But all thoughts of regrets, or “We should have made this into a real wedding.” dissolved, when we saw the next couple waiting for their wedding. They were all dressed up correctly, with the white dress, three-piece-suit, everybody in evening gown and the women obviously had seen a coiffeur at seven in the morning or earlier. But they were all looking quite unhappy and uptight. So we were relieved to be maybe not as chic but a lot merrier.

After the champagne we had a little time to ourselves. This was easily the weakest point of the whole wedding. We ended up buying a household appliance with a group of six people. Later we had excellent coffee., but were not allowed to sample the excellent looking cake, because we were supposed to eat lunch half an hour later.

Then off we went to meet at my sister’s (and brother-in-laws) place once again. By the way, the members of our party who had troubles with their feet or walking in general and therefore opted to be driven by car had to walk the same distance as the members who declared themselves fit and just walked to the apartment. Needless to say, I walked. I was the only one not suffering from the heat. In fact I was the only one who started the day with a cardigan over her top, because I found it quite cool.

For the big wedding lunch we went to an organic Greek restaurant again out of town. I was delighted to see items on the menu like skordalia that you don’t get very often in Germany. The food was excellent, the service very nice. Near the end of our meal, the owner of the restaurant asked for the cause of our celebration. When we told him about the wedding, he spoke about marriage and life at length and presented them with a bottle of wine. So my sister had a speech after all, even if it was not devilvered by the bride’s father who is too shy to speak in public. When we ate, there was the long longed for thunderstorm, and finally it cooled off a bit.

After lunch we got a little wet and met once again at the apartment. There we stuffed ourselves into the living room. It was a little too small, but I was the only one sitting on the floor. We had coffee and cake. (Yeah, I know, but we’re German. Germans drink more coffee than beer. And it’s not like we were a nation of wine-drinkers.) Interestingly, nobody was really eager for the cake at that point. Might have been the luxurious three course lunch we just had eaten.

When everybody had settled down with his coffee cup, I got ready for the delivery of my personal gift. I had wanted to sing for my sister at her wedding. My options were a little limited ‘though, because I had only me and my voice, and my repertoire is suspiciously void of love songs. Especially love songs that sound good without accompaniment. So I stood up, quite nervous, discovered that wearing your really tight jeans for singing is not a good idea, and sang “Throw it away” by Abbey Lincoln. I learned that song from Rhiannon and it is very special to me. And it’s not one of those cheap and sappy love songs. It went really well, everybody was transfixed (well, apart from my parents who alternately blew their noses and coughed), ‘though I mangled the lyrics at the end. My sister even started sobbing halfway through the song, which was quite sweet, but then I started sobbing too, and it’s a little hard to sing while crying, but a seasoned singer like me can finish the song anyway.

This deeply emotional moment was dispersed immediately by one or to witty remarks made by my parents so that we could go on to the hilarious unpacking of wedding gifts. Those included this:

and this

Then cake was eaten. Of course. Then my parents left, and soon afterwards it was time for me to take the train back home. I changed back into everyday clothing, and was driven to the station through the still pouring rain.

There I was afraid that my good train karma had left me, because the train was delayed for forty minutes. When it arrived at my destination though, it was only fifteen minutes late. So all in all I was home only twenty minutes later than anticipated. It was a long day though. Not sleeping well, waking up at 5.20 and getting home at 12. The train ride was very pleasant, very calm and cool. Again I had time to think, write, read and listen to music. Heaven.

So, although the account of my sister’s wedding may sound a little mundane, it was exactly right. Everything went smooth, I met nice people, and it was a delightful, un-stressful event. And of course it was a really special occasion for me. It’s not everyday that your only sister marries. And I love her dearly and wish them well.

(Sniff)

Technocrati Tag:
wedding, sister, wedding present, Abbey Lincoln

Since I’m not able to attend BlogHer conference, I’m doing this just for fun. (And I’m pressed for time, so I’m not tagging anybody. Feel tagged, if you like.)

1. When did you start blogging and why? Or Talk about your blog. What can I learn about you in under 5 minutes?

I’m not good at “under five minutes”, but I’ll try. I started my blog in August 2005, but didn’t post more than twice until February 2006. I like the chance to write regularly about the things close to my heart. This includes making music, self-improvement, parenting and whatever else comes to my mind.

2. How do you use blogging to build friendships?

I’d like to use it that way, but it didn’t happen yet. Once I went to a blog reading in my neighborhoos, but I was too tired and too shy to talk to anybody. I guess, I’ll have to work on that. I’m reading a lot of blogs, and try to comment.

3. Who do you read every day, rain or shine?

Mary Tsao, Christine Kane, die Kaltmamsell, Kluges und Scheiß, Chris, Jory DesJardins.

4. How would you describe your writing style?

Strange, clumsy, personal. A little handicapped by the fact that English is not my native language. But my German blog is strange, clumsy and personal too. (Oh, and I’m using too many parentheses.)

5. How do you feel about meeting bloggers in real life? Are you nervous? Will you have great expectations? What do you hope to take away from the BlogHer experience?

I’d love to go to BlogHer. I really wish, I’ll be able to attend BlogHer 07. Of course everybody will be nice, witty, and intelligent. I’d hope to find people who don’t think blogging is weird.

6. So soon we’re going to meet each other at BlogHer. Important question. How do you party?

If I would be there, I’d drink and talk too much. If there’s the right music, I dance, if asked, I sing.

7. What is your favorite thing that you wrote? What got a strong reaction from readers? Links please?

My favorite things that I wrote are: inner parents and inner children, real musicians, and my funniest to date about buying a bra. I rarely get comments, but my series on dieting was read extensively.

Technocrati Tag:
blogme, blogher06

I know that I’m owing you an entry. Yes, my sister got married, and yes, I was there. And it was very nice and unexpectedly harmonious and heart-warming. Since then (and even on my journey there) I have tried to write an open letter to my sister or something deep about weddings or marriage in general, but it just didn’t happen. So in my usual excessive manner I wrote this report on „How I went to my sister’s wedding.“

About ten days ago I went northwards, packing took longer than I wanted, but still left time for a workout and a singing warm-up before departure. I realized how much has changed since I had a baby, because I could stroll to the train with only a big and a little backpack, read a book on the platform, buy a croissant, there was no stroller, nobody to rescue, no debate about feet on the seats or hiding under them. And for almost two days not a single person grabbed my pants while shouting „Mama! Mama! Mama!“ Wow!

Taking the train was marvelous. The train half empty (no world cup fans!), I had a seat in the no-cell-phone-area, something I never take, when traveling with child, and it was really quiet. (Yes, there really areas where cell phones are banned on German trains. Just imagine.)

Contrary to my expectations it was my brother-in-law who met me. But then it was really nice, and gave me a chance to talk to him. We went to their apartment, where everybody was waiting for me. Or so I thought. But then we sat there and did nothing. By then I was really hungry, because it was half an hour past my regular dinnertime.

The whole wedding party spent the evening together: the bride’s parents, the bridegroom’s parents, one sister of each, one friend of his and two of her. That was all.

I had a little moment of panic, when I was told that there was no room reservation for me. Fortunately, they only mixed something up. Nice rooms, btw.

There was food and drink, solid German food. My dinner, for example consisted of steak, green beans and roast potatoes. The service was not as good as the food, part of our order got mixed, and the drinks took ages. I was the first one who went to bed. It seems that everybody waited, because they didn’t know who would pay the bill. Dinner before the wedding is not exactly traditional. Well, as I tried to get the bill, my father told me, everything would be on him. Generous.

It was also me, who asked my sister when we had to leave in the morning in order to get to the wedding on time. My sister said 15 minutes before meeting time, her fiancé said 20. But when my mother turned to me and asked, what they had said, I didn’t hesitate a millisecond, before saying, „Half an hour before meeting time, Mama.“ Ah, back with family. My sister and my father, upon hearing this, didn’t even blink. You might guess that my mother is not known for her punctuality. By the way, the next morning my parents and me were the last to arrive.

(to be continued)

Technocrati Tag:
wedding, wedding-eve party , sister