do what you want or surrender

Well, the ones of you that are actually following this blog might have wondered, when I’d write the post on “do what you want or surrender” that I mentioned a couple of days weeks ago. So, here it is:

When I was about twelve years old I got a book that deeply impressed me: “The Neverending Story” by Michael Ende. For those of you who don’t remember, that’s a fantastic story about a boy entering a magical land of fairy. He gets a medaillon with the inscription: “Do what you want.” At first he thinks what nearly everyone would be thinking that it’s all about getting everything he fancies. But because this is a book for young readers, of course there’s a moral to it, and in the end it’s about doing what you really want. With all of the consequences.

I thought about that a lot. Since then I’ve been in the habit of asking myself several times a day, if I really want what I’m doing. And if it will lead me ultimately into the direction I want my life to be heading.

In spite of the gap that lies between my knowing and my doing this helped me for example never to start smoking: I was about 13 years old, standing in a park with a herd of teenagers, holding a cigarette in my hand, because smoking was so cool then. I stopped and thought, “Do I really want to do this?” No, I didn’t, so I extinguished the half-smoked cigarette and never did it again.

“Do what you want.” helped me not to study business studies like everybody else did. And later after university it helped me not to become a computer programmer.

So it is a very helpful thought. You stop, you think about the relationship between your deeds and your ultimate goal, and it helps feeling powerful, because you know that it was your own decision.

Only that I started thinking again. I’m going all new agey hear. Maybe it’s not all about what I want. (Something a mother can’t stop thinking.) Maybe there’s a bigger plan. Maybe God is trying to lead me and I’m constantly struffling against it? (Okay, here it is, the G-word. Sorry.)

So, while I didn’t stop asking myself, “Do I really want to do this?” (I even started changing my doing accordingly.), I’m relaxing a little. Pray for guidance and help. And, you know, my life has become just a little bit easier. I don’t have to do it all on my own.

Wow.