Archives for April 2025

After going to bed a little late yet again I woke up from the alarm and while I tried not reading anything before writing I failed again.

On the other hand I did do my complete morning routine. It just took a little longer. I think I need to make another slightly bigger decision about the story. More work for my subconscious.

Husband and I talked for quite a while again and had breakfast in peace. Somewhere in between I had to go and wake the boy up who needed to get to the laboratory for the first time. Very exciting!

I made an epic shopping list, did half the breakfast dishes (unfortunately, dirty dishes had multiplied tremendously during the night) and then went off to bike to the bigger supermarket.

The mood was a little different than usual because the school is closed, so no groups of students blocking the way. The supermarket was quite a bit busier than usual because of the public holiday today.

But before that I printed some pictures for my mother-in-law. The drug store was also much busier than usual.

I bought all the food and some other stuff, biked back home, and ran into a super-stressed husband. He was late with cooking because he had not only mowed the whole lawn (that takes at least an hour), he had also dropped his bike off at the bike shop for repairs.

So we bumped into each other and both got a bit tense until the food was in the oven. I put all the groceries away (had to squeeze some things into the freezer, that one is really full right now) and then there was dinner:

Mmh, yummy. I ate lots of mint chocolate afterwards, read and played games until the boy showed up. He told me all about his laboratory adventure, and then it was time to finally work on something book-related.

Only I had to prepare for the rental car pickup on Saturday. And check some things. And look at my bank account. And try to take an author photo. With no makeup in a t-shirt that is in an unflattering color and with flyaway hair. The pictures look accordingly:

This is one of the better ones.

I guess I should think a bit more about what the picture should convey, also wash my hair, put on makeup and wear something in a warm burgundy. And cover my neck.

Anyway. I then talked with my mother-in-law and felt like I had done nothing at all which, of course, isn’t true.

After that it was time for my one student of the week. It was really nice to sing and play and talk. And then I thought I’d start this post, ate leftover fried noodles for dinner, watched some C-drama and went to bed.

And today there will be cleaning. Very quiet cleaning because it’s Good Friday.

With a side helping of „I have a thing later so all I can do now is sit and wait“.

I woke up very cranky, with not enough sleep and tummy troubles. Note to self (for the hundredth time): if you eat potato chips or whole bags of sweets right before going to bed you will a) not sleep well, and b) have stomach troubles. You’re welcome.

I then – as the rational and sensible individual that I am – decided to skip my morning routine, read a little in bed and eat breakfast early, alone, before my husband would show up. I did read, forgot the time (which sometimes happens wen I’m reading, funny that), and ended up making my breakfast at the same time as my husband yet again.

He took one look at me and said, „Oh, it’s one of those days!“ But we still tried talking about what went wrong with the whole pizza fail and he still found my way of discarding his helpful suggestions aggressive and unsocial. It took us a while to figure out the fundamental misunderstanding behind the whole thing.

See, when I have to do something tricky that I am unsure about and that needs my whole concentration to figure out I’d rather do it alone so I can focus on the thing. Any other person there with me just means my focus gets split and I need to spend energy on being social and interacting properly (and then I snap and fail and just tell people to shut up because their suggestions interrupted my train of thought).

When my husband has to do something tricky and new he wants someone by his side to hold his hand and help. Like, a normal person, I guess.

So, good to know, I suppose. He thought in doing it together he made it easier, I thought it made it harder. So for him it felt like he went out of his way to help and make it easier and then I jumped into his face when he made a reasonable suggestion. And later I followed his suggestion without acknowledging his contribution. (To be fair, „use more flour“ was a thought I had had on my own before as well.)

Anyways, that took some time and emotional energy. My husband started the beans for lunch, I moved myself and my laptop to the living room to write yesterday’s post, we talked a bit because it was too late for him to do everything he had planned to do, I did the dishes and listened to some very nice piano music and part of a video on pronouns, and then finally got ready to go for my walk/run:

It was really hot outside and it felt like crawling under a dome of heat and unmoving air. I was almost able to do my running intervals without walking but not quite. I feel a bit pathetic because two minutes still feel like they’re endless. And I also know it’s all in my head, I probably could run for much longer if I didn’t think about it too much.

Lunch was late which was expected:

Lunch was very good. My husband has changed the way he makes farofa, and it actually tastes quite nice now.

I took a break. I reinstalled the time management game I had deleted from my tablet twice in the past three days and played that. The boy came downstairs to eat and we talked a bit.

I had been very determined to start working on the website around 3 and take a shower beforehand. But when the boy went upstairs again it was already past 3 and we had made an elaborate schedule for everything including hot water. I finally got off my butt at 3.30, did the dishes and at 4 the boy and I did bodyweight training. The cruel, 40-minute long session. I’m not convinced the harder version of squats is actually harder but then maybe I’ll get sore tomorrow.

After that I sat around waiting for 5 o’clock to come around because that’s when my husband would start to teach and he had wanted to take a shower beforehand. After that I was so used to slumping around the kitchen bench that I had a hard time to make myself get up, finally managed to take that shower, then realized I was hungry and it was almost dinnertime, made myself something, met my husband who had finished teaching, talked with him briefly while munching on my food, and then I took all my stuff over to my studio.

I was very, very determined to at least spend an hour on the website stuff. Or proofread book 2. Or something productive.

I had a Zoom call scheduled at 8 with a friend. In the end I was dashing across the house with all of my things (two knitting projects and my laptop bag) when I met my husband who said with a stone face, „I talked with my mother about the inheritance …“ Great topic at that point.

I let myself be drawn in for five minutes, then had to leave and rush in order to meet my friend.

The call was delightful, and helped me sort through some things, I’m very grateful. I just hope I wasn’t spewing all my problems over her and she still got something out of it as well.

We finished up shortly before my „get ready for bed“-alarm, I went to my husband’s studio, we talked a little about the whole inheritance, family-thing, then my alarm went off and my husband said, „Oh, by the way, the boy was looking for you earlier.”

So I went to the kitchen to make myself a quick cup of tea where the boy was making himself fried potatoes and tea. We talked about logistics for today and the fact that he had already spent his complete allowance but was planning to meet with a friend tonight anyway. You can’t go out for drinks without money. I lent him some, did Duolingo, fell into the kitchen bench black hole again and went to bed half an hour late.

I am, again, very determined to do things differently today. This will be fun!

I went to bed on time, went to bed and forced myself to do my complete morning routine. And then the day went a little sideways because of the pizza. And right now I don’t really have time to talk about it in depth but:

We started the pizza dough on Monday at 4. Which in my husband’s head translates to ‚right after lunch‘ which means 2 o’clock which means 24 hours before making the pizza. What we really needed was 24 hours plus 2 hours of letting the dough rest (for the third time) plus time to form the pizzas and put the toppings on, plus time to bake them. Ahem.

The recipe we used is from a YouTube video (in German). So here’s our lunch:

The pizzas ready to be baked:

So, the next time we’re making this kind of pizza I will a) make the dough without help, b) use way less water and definitely less sugar, c) write the recipe and everything I need to know down on paper (trying to find the right place in a video without chapter markings is annoying, especially when your hands are covered in flour and/or dough) and d) leave myself more time for the last few steps.

The pizza you saw is the one we gave to the boy, my husband and I shared the first one we made, so we each only got half, because the third one never got baked.

I then was very frustrated and overwhelmed and my husband and I had been arguing all day because of that pizza, so I sat on the kitchen bench for more than three hours until I finished the novel I was reading („Happily ever Ninja“ by Penny Reid, excellent book), ate a bag of potato chips, resisted the urge to have a beer and turned the lights out an hour late.

Today is a bit chaotic already, despite me having the whole day off, but I will go for a walk/run now and that will make everything better.

I fell asleep a bit early but only turned the lights out half an hour after bedtime. I never quite know how to count that.

In the morning I tried relaxing the ‚no reading‘-rule (again) and it turns out when I read in the morning things take longer. I know, shocking. I wrote my morning pages and spent half an hour on the manuscript dealing with a freshly turned vampire (as one does), then decided I’d rather eat first and do yoga later. And, also as expected, later turned out to be much, much later.

I did wake the boy up in time for yet another exam. He got there without any train delays or chaos, apparently, and said the exam was pretty much exactly what he had expected and prepared for. Fingers crossed.

My husband and I ate breakfast together and talked about people and how to deal with them for an hour. Which then made everything else that day late again.

I did the breakfast dishes while listening to some classical music I’ve already forgotten and then to something on YouTube. I have abandoned the publishing and writing courses again in favor for click-bait YouTube.

Then I went for my walk/run, this time it felt as if my legs weighed twice as much as usual. I’m hoping that is because they are busy building more muscle. I kept myself going for those long, endless 3-minute running intervals by listening to BTS and thinking about how great it will be not to have spontaneously broken bones in my 80s, also to be able to get up from the floor unaided in the future:

When I came back at lunchtime my husband was still in the big cooking crunch. I got to help a bit by peeling and slicing a few carrots. Lunch was very tasty:

After that I wanted to take a bit of a break, then a shower and be at my desk to work on proofreading or the website by 3. What happened instead was that first the boy came back home and told me about the exam and other things. He had planned to visit a friend in Regensburg some time this week but the friend’s plans changed and they’ll meet here in town for drinks instead.

After that I finally took my shower and when I was all dressed again my husband had already been looking for me to make the special pizza dough we had talked about. He is following an Italian chef on YouTube and we had talked about making his pizza. The dough needs to be made 24 hours before and needs stretching and folding and several rounds of rising in between.

Of course things went wrong but we did not fight and there is now some dough in the fridge that feels a bit too runny but, well. The whole dough-making took longer than expected, of course, and we did the dishes in between and when we were done with all of that I had exactly 22 minutes left before the Zoom call I wanted to attend.

I used that time to proofread my reader magnet, then realized I had already done so before. This time I checked it off the list so that I’ll remember next time.

The Zoom call was lovely and interesting, I even took two pages of notes. I also knitted the twelve rows I needed before starting the shoulder shaping.

After that my husband and I met in the kitchen to get something for dinner, the mini baguette that was the only bread left felt very unsatisfactory (I’m the only one in the family who doesn’t like white bread) so I stole some of the boy’s chocolate. I had given some of mine to my husband earlier that day and had run out.

I did Duolingo, my foot exercises and made a list for today after starting this post, watched C-drama while the boy was taking a shower and went to bed.

Today there will be pizza-making, a trip to the health food store and hopefully a productive afternoon.

This time I did better with my new rules. So far I haven’t adhered to them completely even once, but, that’s not really necessary. There is a reason for the rules. As long as I do the thing the rules are supposed to help me with I don’t really care about the letter of the law.

I did my complete morning routine, working on the manuscript is going pretty well. Exciting things are happening. I hope.

My husband has reached that stage of exhaustion where self-doubt and general anxiety raise their head which is never fun. And then I got angry at him for reaching that point which also doesn’t help but we got things sorted within a reasonable time frame.

Then it was time to call my mother on the phone who told me what she did last week but also every single story she had already told me the week before. She isn’t usually that confused but she spent the day before with former colleagues so was probably exhausted as well.

My husband and I had plans to make pizza from scratch following a YouTube video but decided to postpone. The new and improved plan included eating all the leftovers in the fridge which is a very good and sensible plan. Then we looked through the leftovers, decided to discard the soggy penne with tomato sauce and the lentils that were both under- and overcooked (not in the same lentil I’d guess) and were left with just enough potatoes to make fried potatoes for two and a lone wiener.

My husband then decided to divide the potatoes by three and leave some for the boy which led to our lunch being a bit sparse:

I was still pretty hungry after and made up for lack of calories with very delicious mango ice cream. Not the most nutritious, though.

I took a break and spent so much time playing a silly iPad game that I then deleted it. (I later re-installed, we’ll see how that turns out in the long run.) Which meant I did not work on the website even though it was on my list for the day. I did the dishes and then went to my studio just in time for another Zoom call.

After that I was very hungry again and made myself dinner from the last three very dry and small pieces of sourdough bread. The thing I’m doing these days is I throw that stale bread in the toaster and it comes out delicious and crunchy, the butter and brie melting on it, yum!

Then I planned the week, wasted some more time on silly games and avoided doing the rest of the things on my list, talked briefly with the boy who made himself fried potatoes while I started writing this post, did Duolingo, watched some C-drama and went to bed.

And today Easter break starts for real

I thought watching YouTube videos on my laptop instead of a show on TV wouldn’t make much of a difference, but it definitely did, and then I somehow never quite got around to brushing my teeth. The good thing is that I turned the lights out only half an hour late. The bad thing, well, half an hour late. And I have a dawning suspicion that my bedtime should be half an hour earlier than it is now anyway. I think I might need 8 1/2 hours in bed instead of just 8.

Then I started reading something in the morning right away, oops. But, again, the good thing was that I turned it around pretty fast and did my complete morning routine. Working on the manuscript is going well, there are things happening, even.

I think my husband and I had a good conversation after breakfast. I had a busy day planned with all the exercise and an afternoon filled with meetings and such. I talked to a friend about my plan to walk/run and do bodyweight training in the same day (not to mention the bit of morning yoga) and she said that would just show how fit I am.

I don’t think I’m that fit but then it’s always fit compared to what or whom. I am not as fit as I was ten years ago but I’m definitely much fitter than I ever was in my twenties. I also told her that doing both forms of exercise in one day often leads to me half-assing the strength training and she meant then maybe it would be a better idea to do them on different days.

And of course, in an ideal world that is true. In the reality I live in it is either doing the two of them in one day because the boy doesn’t have time for training today, or just not doing one of them. Also, having gone for a run doesn’t really affect my pull-ups and pushups much. It’s just that I feel a bit weaker when squatting. Which reminds me that I need to upgrade my squatting movement. I’ve been hoping to get to a point where I can squat deeper but so far I haven’t been able to without my back hurting so maybe it’s time to upgrade and do some stretching exercise for the deep squat.

So, I did the breakfast dishes and went for my walk/run. A little late but that turned out to be not much of a problem because lunch was late as well. I was so deep in thought that I just jogged through all the running intervals without thinking about it. Which tells me I am indeed fitter than I think I am. I can jog for three minutes without a break, even:

I had found green asparagus at the supermarket so we had asparagus risotto with fresh asparagus:

After that I took a break. I am rather exhausted all in all, definitely at the point where I need a break. I went on social media, read and played games, all the time waiting for a reply from the boy. We had agreed to do bodyweight training that day but I was pretty sure he had no idea about my schedule. Since we also wanted to watch ‚Columbo‘ together and I wanted to go to my weekly writers Zoom and I wanted to take a shower before the meeting but after training there was only a short window of time for the whole thing.

In the end I went upstairs and woke him up. I mean, someone who has an exam at 11 tomorrow should maybe not have a sleeping schedule that means sleeping until late afternoon every day.

He was pretty groggy but agreed to train with me at 4. Which we did. I had been feeling bad about my lack of progress with pushups. I only ever dip for a few centimeters and when I try going further I just start slouching my back. Well, yesterday for the first time I realized that the fear of falling flat on my face onto my glasses was holding me back. And of my glasses falling off my nose. Huh. Turns out, when I take my glasses off I can do deeper pushups. Who would have thought?

I had to rush to take a shower and showed up at my meeting with my hair dripping but, well. The meeting was nice enough that I stayed until 6.30 which then made me late for our ritual watching of ‚Columbo‘. This was another episode (Mind over Mayhem) that was nice but slow. If someone had cut out most of the middle it would have improved a lot. The motive for the murder was a bit meh and the fact that the murderer thought he was much smarter than everybody else and that made him sloppy could have been shown a little better. Also, I’m finding it fascinating how there are only ever three or four characters in each of these episodes. Well, not counting the basset.

After that my husband reminded me that there were still dishes which threw me off completely, then I offered to help him but he declined.

I decided that per my new evening rule I did not have time for any of my evening things but Duolingo and my foot exercises but first I watched an episode of C-drama that was very good. I did start reading just before my ‚get ready for bed‘-alarm and all the way through getting ready for bed and turned the lights out just eight minutes late which is acceptable.

And now for Sunday. You’d think that would be a not busy day but, um, no. But I’m looking forward to it. If I let myself off the hook too much I just sloth around and feel bad.