With a side helping of „I have a thing later so all I can do now is sit and wait“.
I woke up very cranky, with not enough sleep and tummy troubles. Note to self (for the hundredth time): if you eat potato chips or whole bags of sweets right before going to bed you will a) not sleep well, and b) have stomach troubles. You’re welcome.
I then – as the rational and sensible individual that I am – decided to skip my morning routine, read a little in bed and eat breakfast early, alone, before my husband would show up. I did read, forgot the time (which sometimes happens wen I’m reading, funny that), and ended up making my breakfast at the same time as my husband yet again.
He took one look at me and said, „Oh, it’s one of those days!“ But we still tried talking about what went wrong with the whole pizza fail and he still found my way of discarding his helpful suggestions aggressive and unsocial. It took us a while to figure out the fundamental misunderstanding behind the whole thing.
See, when I have to do something tricky that I am unsure about and that needs my whole concentration to figure out I’d rather do it alone so I can focus on the thing. Any other person there with me just means my focus gets split and I need to spend energy on being social and interacting properly (and then I snap and fail and just tell people to shut up because their suggestions interrupted my train of thought).
When my husband has to do something tricky and new he wants someone by his side to hold his hand and help. Like, a normal person, I guess.
So, good to know, I suppose. He thought in doing it together he made it easier, I thought it made it harder. So for him it felt like he went out of his way to help and make it easier and then I jumped into his face when he made a reasonable suggestion. And later I followed his suggestion without acknowledging his contribution. (To be fair, „use more flour“ was a thought I had had on my own before as well.)
Anyways, that took some time and emotional energy. My husband started the beans for lunch, I moved myself and my laptop to the living room to write yesterday’s post, we talked a bit because it was too late for him to do everything he had planned to do, I did the dishes and listened to some very nice piano music and part of a video on pronouns, and then finally got ready to go for my walk/run:
It was really hot outside and it felt like crawling under a dome of heat and unmoving air. I was almost able to do my running intervals without walking but not quite. I feel a bit pathetic because two minutes still feel like they’re endless. And I also know it’s all in my head, I probably could run for much longer if I didn’t think about it too much.
Lunch was late which was expected:
Lunch was very good. My husband has changed the way he makes farofa, and it actually tastes quite nice now.
I took a break. I reinstalled the time management game I had deleted from my tablet twice in the past three days and played that. The boy came downstairs to eat and we talked a bit.
I had been very determined to start working on the website around 3 and take a shower beforehand. But when the boy went upstairs again it was already past 3 and we had made an elaborate schedule for everything including hot water. I finally got off my butt at 3.30, did the dishes and at 4 the boy and I did bodyweight training. The cruel, 40-minute long session. I’m not convinced the harder version of squats is actually harder but then maybe I’ll get sore tomorrow.
After that I sat around waiting for 5 o’clock to come around because that’s when my husband would start to teach and he had wanted to take a shower beforehand. After that I was so used to slumping around the kitchen bench that I had a hard time to make myself get up, finally managed to take that shower, then realized I was hungry and it was almost dinnertime, made myself something, met my husband who had finished teaching, talked with him briefly while munching on my food, and then I took all my stuff over to my studio.
I was very, very determined to at least spend an hour on the website stuff. Or proofread book 2. Or something productive.
I had a Zoom call scheduled at 8 with a friend. In the end I was dashing across the house with all of my things (two knitting projects and my laptop bag) when I met my husband who said with a stone face, „I talked with my mother about the inheritance …“ Great topic at that point.
I let myself be drawn in for five minutes, then had to leave and rush in order to meet my friend.
The call was delightful, and helped me sort through some things, I’m very grateful. I just hope I wasn’t spewing all my problems over her and she still got something out of it as well.
We finished up shortly before my „get ready for bed“-alarm, I went to my husband’s studio, we talked a little about the whole inheritance, family-thing, then my alarm went off and my husband said, „Oh, by the way, the boy was looking for you earlier.”
So I went to the kitchen to make myself a quick cup of tea where the boy was making himself fried potatoes and tea. We talked about logistics for today and the fact that he had already spent his complete allowance but was planning to meet with a friend tonight anyway. You can’t go out for drinks without money. I lent him some, did Duolingo, fell into the kitchen bench black hole again and went to bed half an hour late.
I am, again, very determined to do things differently today. This will be fun!
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