Archives for September 2018

And again I didn’t really write first thing in the morning, and – funny enough – that meant not a lot of writing got done throughout the day.

Instead I lounged in bed reading the internet for an hour before getting up. I’m not quite sure if that’s the best use of my time in the morning.

Breakfast, then meditation, started writing, got stuck after 23 words, decided to start a new document for the second novel in the current series and transfer character sheets and settings, and then my husband was up.

We went running pretty early, and the weather was really nice:

It was just beautiful out there, hence the many pictures. I hope you don’t mind.

Running was fun but again rather slow. And my hip is bothering me again so I’m debating running not as far and only three times a week. I really don’t need the hip pain back. I thought that my change in gait and the stretches that I do made the pain go away but right now that’s not working. We’ll see.

Then my husband started cooking so early that I didn’t even get to help. Well, he usually cooks three different Indian things at once and this time it was only rice and dal:

It was really delicious. Pro tip: if you have breakfast early and don’t snack between meals lunch tastes much better. Works every time. When I explained it to a friend I said that it’s like when your hiking in the mountains and you’re eating your lunch up on the peak. Food never tastes better. And she replied with; „Best boiled egg of my life!“ from the bottom of her heart.

Somewhere in there I had gotten an email about what was wrong with the file for the sign that I wanted to have printed and so, after doing the dishes, I set out to wrangle the print-monster again. And I was victorious. Soon there will be a sign on our fence announcing our services to the world. Especially that part of the world that is walking their elementary school children to school and back every day along our house.

Then I taught some students and wrote some emails, and somewhere in between I did some phone calls.

The boy had things to discuss (we’re still in the ‚sign this‘ and ‚I need money for that‘-phase of the new school year) and then he plays the piano and I took care of putting some frozen buns in the oven because we were out of bread, and then we did a little strength training, and then I found that my husband had done a load of laundry and that I had to hang it up and then I was rather done with the day.

So, while I did not practice all my instruments and only wrote 23 words I’m still pretty pleased with the day.

I wrote in my journal and made a list for today and contemplated my drawing exercise.

And then I went to bed rather early.

Today is Tuesday and Tuesday means that I’ll go to the health food store. Since we’re completely out of bread a visit to the bakery will be on the agenda as well. Quite a bit of teaching, some writing and music, and then the monthly Orna Ross webinar.

Who knows, maybe there will even be time for a little sewing…

I woke up at six, lounged around in bed for an hour, had breakfast and lounged around some more.

I was cranky because I didn’t do anything the day before and was afraid this day would end up the same. When my husband showed up for his breakfast I whined at him for about two hours how I hate it that I always slip back into old, bad habits (and sometimes new, bad habits) even after doing well for two years or so.

And this is irritating for him as well. He gets all fired up for his weekend where he can devote time and energy to things he can’t get to during the week and there I am sitting like an unmoving blob on the kitchen bench, getting crankier and crankier. Also fatter and fatter.

Well, there isn’t much you can do when you’re in the grip of a binge eating attack, or when you just can’t make yourself do the thing that you really, really want to do, only not now.

So I thought back to the time when I managed to lose all that weight. And I realized that, while I had an epiphany that started the whole thing, what got me through the whole process was looking at what worked and what didn’t and then tweaking little things here and there.

I also started downloading books about self-sabotage and looking at coaching options, as one does.

So, together we came up with a plan. The big slump always happens in the afternoon, right after lunch. I tell myself that I get a nice half-hour break and the next thing I know it’s 5 pm and I’m still sitting there, feeling horrible.

I’m also thinking about energy and energy-management a lot and I’m actually not sure that I need all these breaks. I definitely don’t need a 3 1/2 hour break after lunch.

After that I felt so energized and motivated that I folded a load of laundry and put it away immediately. And then I helped to make lunch (tagliatelle bolognese, fried zucchini and salad (zucchini and salad from the yard):

So today after lunch I did the dishes right away and then I took my computer and such and went to my studio. Where I sat down and did my singing warm-up and my piano exercises right away.

At that time my husband is taking a nap in the next room but he assured me that my music didn’t disturb him. I put the damper on the piano. I also happen to know that he really hates the piano exercises, so saying that he didn’t mind was rather sweet. It’s about the same as me saying that I don’t mind him playing drums right under my bed right before I turn out the lights at night…

After the music I started watching a lecture online while spinning that merino I’ve been procrastinating about for months now. The lecture wasn’t quite what I’m needing right now so then I pulled my sewing machine out of the closet. Another thing I’ve been procrastinating for, um, months now:

Yes, the kitchen is really that gloomy in the afternoon. I mended a pair of leggings that I’m using as pajama bottoms and a dress. And then I finally started sewing the Kew dress. I really love the fabric and I adore the pattern but I’m afraid it won’t fit. For one it will be too small. Though maybe it won’t be. Because after two hours of sewing I got this:

It might just work if I make the seam allowances narrower on the skirt. And maybe out the buttons right at the edge. And next time I will measure myself and the pattern before cutting out the pieces. Sure.

So that left me very pleased.

Then it was time for dinner and Star Trek (well, only Star Trek for me plus beer and crochet). The boy and I watched two excellent episodes. Then I went back to the kitchen, did the dishes and – very important – did not sit down and left the kitchen immediately. Because my husband has told me repeatedly that if he were sitting in the kitchen all evening he would be eating all the things too. Really, binge-eating is no fun even thought it always feels like it should while you’re doing it.

And sitting in bed at that time doesn’t really work either, I fall half asleep and then still have to get ready for bed later and have a crick in my neck. And go for a bit of cheese again.

So the new plan was to not sit down in the kitchen but go back to my studio to prepare this blog post, write a  little and write in my journal.

And that’s what I did.

I keep forgetting about the power of small tweaks. Now we just need to see if they will work again tonight.

Today is Monday which means running and all the usual and teaching quite a bit. Including the student who couldn’t figure out our new garden gate and went back home on Thursday. Poor thing. We have now started to leave the gate open with a brick to prevent anyone from closing it while we’re teaching. The old gate had a knob on the outside that could be turned but the new one only has a handle on the inside.

I am starting to feel a little hope for positive change.

Wish me luck.

Well, not really because I didn’t really try to fight it.

I slept in until 6.30, lounged around in bed for an hour and then started doing all the dishes from the day before. Had breakfast, talked with my husband, did dishes again, cut my husband’s hair, reprimanded the boy for getting up at eleven, went running for a short (but not quick) 5k:

Came back and helped to make lunch. Since we were starting late we decided to have just appetizers so there were fried zucchini blossoms filled with cream cheese (and a lot of other stuff, I mean we’re talking about my husband cooking) and some bresaola:

Then my husband and I realized that we knew nothing about futurism or expressionism so we had to look it up on wikipedia and when we looked up again it was 3 pm.

I then sat down to read and eat all.the.chocolate (Literally. Of the two bars that I had bought at the beginning of the week there was half a bar left and now there is none. The boy has a separate stash of chocolate.) When I looked up again from my computer it was 5 pm and the lunch dishes were still sitting there on the counter. Oops.

Of course I had hoped to do something productive with the day but I have to say I rather enjoyed sitting around doing nothing. I’m just hoping to spend today a little differently.

I read some more until it was time for watching Star Trek with the boy, then hung up some laundry. My husband was kind enough to do the dishes.

Today I will do mostly nothing with a bit of fun and productivity thrown in. I want to make music and write and set up my bullet journal for the week.

I also want to try out if I have more energy when I do more. I usually find that that is the case, up to a certain point. A point that I almost never reach, by the way. But we’ll see.

I woke up from the alarm and lounged around in bed for half an hour. I really want to get back to the habit of writing first thing in the day.

Made breakfast, talked with the boy, was disturbed by my husband while meditating.

Did the weekly cleaning and changed the sheets on my bed, made pizza and was a little frantic because the pizza dough was way too soft. I think I put in too much water the night before.

Took a shower.

Put some more flour into the pizza dough but it was still too soft and there were holes in it through and through.

The pizza turned out fine in the end, though:

Very tasty.

Then I spent some time ordering the sign for our music business but got an error message. ::Clue sad face:: I will have to deal with that next week or so.

Because of the sign ordering screw-up I did not do the dishes, also there was a load of laundry to hang up. I got that done just in time to get ready for teaching.

Taught four students in a row and was fried. I need to get used to teaching again, it seems.

Then the boy practiced piano and made himself some sandwiches for dinner, and we watched some very good Star Trek.

Afterwards my husband and I opened some champagne (it did end up over half the kitchen but not by design) to celebrate the finishing of my novel and the finishing of his guitar recordings. I don’t know if any of you remember his music blog but there actually might be some new posts in the near future. (That blog consisted only of an error message for months but it is up and running again. I’ll put up a link as soon as there is something to see and hear there.)

And then I had to do the dishes and I had planned to start writing a new story. I almost let exhaustion win but then decided to start the story and do the dishes this morning. Not ideal but I wasn’t up for half an hour of dishwashing, ten minutes of writing seemed much more doable.

Today there will be the running, and the cutting of my husband’s hair, and the writing, and the music, and the pulling out the sewing machine first time in months.

I actually slept until my alarm went off at six. I then walked around in a slight haze for the rest of the day. As one does after several nights of not enough sleep followed by one restful night. So my plan continues to turn the lights out before ten, better before 9.30.

I did not write first thing in the morning which made writing much harder that day,

I did go to the grocery store and then to the health food store again and we’re now all stocked up.

We made paella for lunch:

Definitely not authentic paella, just our own approximation but very yummy.

In the afternoon I wasted two hours. I’m not quite sure where they went, them I sang a bit and taught some students. One student didn’t show up and later it turned out that he had not been able to figure out how to open our new garden gate. I had left it open before the first student came but he must have closed it behind him. Poor student. I’m hoping to re-schedule.

The sign advertising our music lessons is also taking shape, a friend offered to help us with it and so we now have something we are rather happy with. I’ll figure out how to attach it to our fence and then I’ll order the sign. Soon. (I want to know if the size I want works with our fence before spending the money on an actual physical thing.)

At the end of the day the boy got a short piano lesson and then we did some very short strength training.

I wrote some. I wrote „The End!“

I regretted that I hadn’t put any champagne in the fridge in the morning and then decided to leave the champagne for today. A good start into the weekend.

I drew another picture and had a beer. I went to bed.

Today there will be the cutting of my husband’s hair, the cleaning, and a lot of teaching. I want to start writing a new story. Then Star Trek. And then the weekend.

Woke up at 5.15 after not quite enough sleep. That’s what I get from doing the most important things of the day late which means that I am too tired to go to bed and end up not getting enough sleep. (Why yes, I tend to wake up earlier if I go to bed later, no idea why. I’ve never really gotten then hang of sleeping in anyway.)

I did force myself to write right away and produced about 600 words in 25 minutes. Interestingly, I’m usually quite a bit faster when I write in the evening. Even though I am definitely a morning person.

There was breakfast and getting the boy ready on time with the usual fuss of having to fill out forms and find money and envelopes for school. (We pay a materials fee once a year and there was money for the excursion in October.) I have to say that the fact that his new teacher has already planned the excursion for October leaves me rather impressed.

There are a few changes now that he is in tenth grade. With the excursion, for example, they are supposed to meet in Munich directly. No meeting at the school beforehand. He doesn’t need a signed permission slip for leaving the school grounds at lunchtime anymore, and some other things. Nice.

I did run yesterday, 6.4 very, very slow miles. I think it was the heat:

The sun was directly ahead for this picture. It’s time that I get some sunglasses:

When I came back my husband was busy trimming the front hedge and my mother-in-law was sweeping the sidewalk. So I jumped in to help. She is still not feeling a hundred percent and was wearing a 24-hour heart monitor.

I have to say that spending 45 minutes sweeping and picking up hedge trimmings after running is a little exhausting.

Since my husband was way more tired than me, he had trimmed the whole hedge in the back the day before and had reached a point where he could barely lift his arms, I offered to make lunch for a change. I made Salade Niçoise inspired by this recipe (in German). It was an instant hit. And we’re usually not a „salad as a main course“ family. But then all the potatoes and beans and fish and eggs do make is less salad-y.

My attempt was not as photogenic as the original:

Then dishes and teaching and music. By dinnertime I was pretty spent and decided to not try and finish the novel that day. Instead I opted for an early bedtime. I did do my daily beginner drawing, though. The day before I had shown my koala attempt to my husband and while I found it horrible he deemed it ‚not bad‘.

By the way that is one of the most irritating things that adult beginner students do. They have a constant stream of self-talk that focuses on the ways their artistic thing is unlike professional master pieces and beat themselves up for it. As a teacher you can sit there telling them that, actually they are making wonderful progress and that you’re very happy with how they are doing, and that, sorry, but they are a beginner and this is what beginners sound like, but they never really believe you.

Seems I’m one of those irritating adult beginners. Which means I have two options, really, I can either stop to learn how to draw, or I can just be content with my beginner drawings as they are. Both options come with optional negative self-talk.

And no, I am too timid to show you my drawings. Some day. At the moment it is all about cubes with distorted shadows and balls and yesterday’s koala with fur was a big exception.

Today there will be the grocery shopping and all the usual stuff and if I manage to sit my butt in the chair for long enough I might end up with a finished story. Or it might need an epilogue. I don’t know yet.