Archives for December 2017

Apparently I needed a lot of down time yesterday. Meh. I had all these completely unfounded feelings of dread and anxiety and feeling low. Like I usually do I tried countering them with sitting around doing nothing while eating chocolate.

By now I can say that that definitely doesn't work. On the other hand nothing really works, the only thing that might work is going to sleep at night, and seeing if the next day might be better. It usually is.

So I didn't clean everything, I didn't do much, but I have a plan for today, and so everything is alright.

I did manage to get enough sleep for once, so that's very good, and today I am only feeling light unfounded dread and anxiety and such.

I'm planning to go for a run (something that usually helps), I will have nice food, and will finish the cleaning (something that usually helps as well), and I will make music and write some words (also helpful).

I'm also planning to mostly stay away from the internet today because what I often do when feeling low is that I sit around and check instagram and twitter and ravelry every other minute. I don't need the internet to slump around, I can just as well do it through reading books but it's still a slightly different feeling.

I am still looking forward to a day of not having to be anywhere, or having to do anything particular.

I also do have a to-do list for today, of course. Doing nothing all day usually makes me feel horrible, and I'd rather avoid that.

Yesterday was a rather slow day all in all. It took me ages to get out the door for my run. I almost skipped it but of course in the end I was happy that I hadn’t. As always.

Leftovers for lunch, and then I spent the time I had for writing and practicing pulling out a crochet hat that I had made, and that fit nobody in the house. I’m hoping to use the yarn to make a hat for my husband that keeps his ears warm enough.

Quite a bit of teaching but a lot of internet-surfing in between. Meh.

Did manage strength training after work, and then dinner, and dishes, and the making of the pizza-dough, and the spinning of the advent calendar fiber. And then I wrote a little. Phew.

Today, since it’s Friday, there will be the cleaning, and the making of the pizza, and the practice, and some more writing, and then a lazy evening spinning in front of TV. I’m really looking forward to that.

It was a good day, and I even managed to reconnect with the novel-in-progress. Didn’t actually write but read through some scenes, and thought about setting and character names. It’s a start.

The advent calendar spinning continues. It’s interesting, every time I set myself a challenge like that I follow through. When I challenge myself to not snack after dinner, though, I mostly don’t. Well, I succeeded with that two days in a row but not last night. And what do I learn from that? Don’t sit at the kitchen table reading after dinner because if you do you inevitably will eat something.

It’s interesting because I thought my husband had this iron self-control around food but then he told me that when I’m not home in the evenings it’s much harder for him not to snack after dinner. Usually when I’m home in the evenings I’m somewhere near the kitchen and he is in his studio. Not that I would judge him for getting food or drink at that time but for him just knowing that I would notice him coming in seems to be enough. It does work the other way around as well, that’s why the chocolate is stored in the annex, and not in the kitchen anymore. Still.

I did not overeat a lot, and I did not have a beer so that’s good. Baby steps.

My sleep tracker tells me I haven’t been getting a lot of deep sleep lately. And that’s exactly how I feel. Funny enough I seem to have gotten more deep sleep during those weeks when I had a beer or two every night. Which is weird because science tells us that alcohol disturbs deep sleep in the early mornings. I will look into that further but I don’t think drinking alcohol daily would be a good idea regardless. I am somewhat curious about my sleep test which will be next week.

Today I will run again, teach some students including a new one, write a lot (I hope), spin my 5 grams of fiber, crochet a bit, talk with my husband, and go to bed on time. Which is my huge life goal at the moment. Getting enough sleep.

I know, that’s not what I would have thought I’d aspire to when grown up either.

So yesterday was the day of running errands. My husband got up early, and after his breakfast I went to the tea shop, the health food store, the music shop, a drug store for new makeup, and the supermarket. I almost went and bought new clothes for the boy as well but then thought better of it. He is almost 15, he can go and buy his own clothes.

And then I was basically done with the day. I wasted an hour after lunch just sitting around, doing nothing which meant no writing, no practice, no nothing. Bad. I have been wanting to plan the novel-in-progress, and to plot the rest of it but I can’t make myself do it, apparently. So I guess I’ll just start typing again. Hopefully today.

After dinner I waited for my husband to finish teaching, then spun my advent calendar fiber, procrastinated about the dishes, and then about getting ready for bed, a sure sign that I’m rather tired. Turned out the light almost on time so that was good.

This morning I woke up really early, read for an hour, then got up a little too late.

I want to go for a run today, practice, write, and teach, and then go to bed early. That seems to be the most important thing at the moment, getting enough sleep. Running today will be muddy in the extreme, all the snow has melted away again. Temperatures are hovering around freezing. I’m hoping there won’t be ice in the woods. Or not too much. Last year I learned that when everything is frozen solid, that’s when I’ll stop going for runs.

I have been thinking about the last year, what I did and what I wanted to get done, and I was really shocked to see that I did not write down any goals for the year. I know I had them, I just never quite commited. I’ll do that differently next year. Even if I don’t reach my goals maybe writing them down for myself and looking at them periodically will keep me better focused. We’ll see.

Oh, and buying the makeup was a roaring success. Everything I had in my drawer was at least two years old, and you really shouldn’t use makeup that old. Now I have bought everything new, tried it out yesterday, and am really liking it. Ha! It’s funny that I’m now using makeup again. After years and years of not using any I suddenly am going back to always wearing it when I teach or am out to meet people. The thing is that I’m still not using a lot of makeup. Just a little. With my hair being so gray and my skin looking rather gray as well, and the deep, dark circles under my eyes I just feel a little better with some color on my face. Not quite sure why I had the change of heart, though.

I’ve been thinking about the argument that women wear makeup to appear more attractive for men, and I can’t really see it. I have found that most men I know can’t see if I’m wearing any makeup. The only thing they usually notice is when I’m wearing very bright lipstick. As long as it’s a muted color they don’t see it at all, and you could completely skip foundation, concealer, blush, mascara, and everything else.

I’m definitely not wearing makeup to be more attractive to my husband he rather prefers me looking natural, by the way. Paleness, crooked teeth and all.

Yesterday actually went better, I did almost everything I wanted to. Apart from working on the novel in progress. I really have to find a way to fit that into my days. Don’t quite know how. Now that it’s winter I spend half an hour each morning building a fire in the wood stove, that would be nice writing time. I also spend hours reading on the internet, that also would be nice writing time.

I guess what I’m saying is that there should be enough time in the day, I just don’t use it as well as I would like.

It is a work in progress, all of it.

Today there will be lots of errands, some students, practice, strength training (that will need a lot of resolve but I can do it). I am also trying to get back to reasonable eating. Lots of resolve needed. I’m hoping to trick myself into brushing my teeth early in the evening. Because then I don’t eat or drink anymore. That also leads to me going to bed early which is an added bonus.

I’ve managed to spin my advent calendar fiber every day as well. And I’ve started thinking about how the year went and what I want to do next year. Goal setting. I am still rather uneasy about those but if I don’t set goals I won’t reach them as well.

This year didn’t go as planned but then it never does, doesn’t it?

So yesterday was a great day with the spinning meeting and all. Trains were completely on time and uncrowded, it was cold but only snowing a bit when I was almost home, and walking from the train station in Ohlstadt to where the spinning meeting was held and back was just wonderful.

The Louet Victoria wheel in its backpack felt a little heavy at the end of the day but even with the Nusszopf, a thermos full of tea, the wheel, a spindle project, and all the stuff I lug around all the time anyway I could have walked even further.

I didn’t do a good job capturing the breathtaking views along the way but did remember to take a picture or two at least:

I went back home early not only because I was determined to go to bed on time but also because my bad hip doesn’t like sitting for hours on end. Another reason to fit a walk into the day.

At home I had dinner with my family, then did all the day’s dishes, and sat down to spin my advent calendar fiber while listening to Beethoven’s violin concerto. I’ve been wanting to listen to music more, and I thought that sitting in the kitchen while spinning was the perfect opportunity. One reason why I never listen to music is that there isn’t really a good setup for it anywhere. I have a nice stereo in my studio but no comfy chair. I hope this will change once we have reclaimed the living room but it looks as if that will take some more time.

But. Thanks to modern technology and the internet I can find the concert on youtube in a great version, and while that doesn’t give me the best sound ever it does give me the chance to listen and enjoy. So I did.

Beer of the day was from Norderstedt, courtesy of a friend whom I met through the internet. She sent me four different beers from where she lives and I decided to spread them out over the course of December:

And yes, that is a list of books I bought in December that is already seven titles long. Six are books I pre-ordered, and one I actually bought already. On the other hand I have finished reading three books this month already as well, so all is good. (I didn’t read all of them in three days, I started them before December, of course.)

Went to bed too late as usual. This is a bad habit I will break. Starting today. I already have a plan.

Other than that there will be running, and a few students, and hopefully some work on the novel-in-progess, and not eating all the chocolate, and going to bed on time. (A woman can dream.)