Archives for June 2008

May Just Posts

June 10, 2008 by Susanne 6 Comments

Time for the Just Post Roundtables again. As every month Mad, Jen, and me have gathered a wide variety of posts about social justice.

This month I want to use my introduction to this excellent list of posts to talk about child poverty. For once I’m concerned with something that’s going on in my own country. It seems that there are more and more children living in poverty in the rich countries, Germany among them. And that here where I live their number has doubled between 1989 and now. Poverty in this case means that their families have to live on less than 50% of the average income.

According to a study by unicef countries like Denmark and Finnland have the lowest levels of child poverty among the rich countries, and the United States have the highest. What is so alarming about my own country here is that there are more and more people getting poor, especially children, while the rich get richer and richer. The most children in poverty live in either immigrant families or with single parents.

The article I have linked to in the paragraph above was written in 2005. Since then the whole thing has become worse instead of better. It’s a shame that in one of the richest countries in the world there are 1.5 million children living in poverty, almost ten percent of all children. Of single parent families forty percent live in poverty.

In the US, by the way, that number is 20%. Every fifth child lives in poverty. And being poor makes it much harder to be healthy, successful, and employed.

If you want to know more about it, here’s a link to the unicef report from 2005 as a pdf-download: Child Poverty in Rich Countries.

And now the rest of the table:

Ally with a post not fit for mother’s day
Beth with growing new hope for refugees
Bipolar Lawyer Cook with don we now our gay apparel
Bon with dignity
Cecileaux with Argentina’s farmers are not exactly old, that 70’s oil crisis is baaack and oh those gay and lesbian sinners
Chani with we are all special just like everyone else and Wellness Wednesday: eliminating pain
Defiant Muse with balancing the scales and kicking and screaming
Emily with not into yoga?
Erin with Calling All Steel Magnolias: Come Out From Behind Your Ruffles
Grilgriot with only wild animals act like that and a little video slap
Hel with Truth recedes only to re-appear
Jen with Untitled, twenty four years two months nine days and I think it was the fourth of july
Jenn with Up from the ashes
Julie Pippert with ‘Whatever’ is not an actual salary and it really doesn’t buy the groceries, either
Kyla with doors
Magpie with hardwood in burma
Mary with broken string
MOMocrats with Dockworkers Display War Opposition Strength in Historic Ports Shut Down
Stella with impacts
Susanne with Why I mostly eat organic food
Suzanne Reisman on blogher with Genocide, Childlessness, and Female Guilt
The Dana Files with Apparently I just need more training
The little green house with happy birthday wesley
The r house with color consciousness not color blindness
Thor with more sleeps
Walk with me with what’s a girl to do
Why Mommy with spring cleaning
Won’t fear love with because children are our future

the readers:
Moosh!
Emily
Mary
Bon
Alejna
Joanne

As always thank you very much for writing, for pointing us to other’s posts, and for reading. And please, go over to Mad and Jen as well to see what they have to say.

On feeling fat

June 8, 2008 by Susanne 13 Comments

Some days ago when grocery shopping I saw a story in a magazine about “dressing slim” with before and after pictures. The magazine almost went into my grocery cart on itself. Then I thought again. Do I really want to dress so that I look slimmer? Or do I really want to be slimmer. Well, you know the answer, both of course.

I didn’t buy the magazine but I thought about “feeling fat” again. Feeling fat is not to be confused with being fat though when you are fat you have a higher probability of feeling fat too. And these past weeks I have felt especially fat. One reason for this is that I gained about 9 kilos between last July and this May. Last summer I bought myself I nice new bikini that was just a little bit too small because I was sure I would lose still more weight. Gaining that much makes me feel like a loser. Like my whole life is out of control; which in a way it is.

When I tell people that I gained weight (I had to do that quite a bit when I visited my parents and relatives) they usually ask, “And why did you gain that weight?” Well, I’d say I ate too much. And drank too much beer. And moved less. If I know somebody really well I tell them that I was depressed for months. But then I’m not sure whether I get depressed because I’m gaining weight or gain weight because I’m depressed. Nonetheless the two are related in some way.

I feel even worse because I was doing so well. I had been losing weight, and changing my old unhealthy and unconscious habits for two years, and I lost about 14 kilos. Not by dieting but by changing habits one at a time, doing small things. This wasn’t a speedy process. On average I lost about 300 grams a month. So I thought at least I’d keep it off. Turns out that when I revert to eating just a bit too much for every meal, too many snacks, sugar again, and about two beers a day I gain back a kilo a month.

It’s not as if I were asleep for months and then suddenly woke up to find myself much heavier than before, every month, every week, every single day of that months I vowed to change back, not to drink beer, not to eat my son’s candy, or five liverwurst sandwiches for dinner. But then I felt hungry all the time, I felt, well, depressed, and a part of me thought that nothing I’d do would make a difference and so I just ate more this once, and drank that beer “just today”, and that box of crackers that hardly makes a difference, and so on and on, day after day.

That’s one of my main problems in life, I see clearly what I am doing, and it doesn’t fit the way I intend to live and then I’m doing it anyway. In part it’s that kind of stubbornness that makes me stay up because my husband reminded me that it’s getting late. The part of me that didn’t clean my room because my mother said so even thought I could barely stand the mess myself.

If you look under the category changing habits in my left sidebar (or click on the link), and then go back to 2006 you’ll find quite a few posts about losing weight and such. I really thought I had it. Once and for all, I know how to do this and I was sure I’d never get fat again. The interesting thing is that obviously I chose to go back to my old unconscious eating patterns, and for months and monthsat a time without changing back. I just gave up.

Of course the next thing I think is that this just doesn’t work. Like one of my aunts said, “For some people it’s just genetics. They can’t help it.” Sometimes I dream of having a magic pill that will let the pounds melt from me (over night and without a mess of course), and then I’ll live at 64 or maybe 65 kilos, wearing a size 6 or 8 for ever. But I doubt that will happen and it’s no use to wait for it.

I’d love to be one of those people who read the right book, change their eating habits and that’s it. Forever. For me, obviously, I have to practice new habits for years and years and years and years, and then I still can’t be sure of them. This is very frustrating. But then I thought to myself I have two choices here: I can either give up and get fatter and fatter until I die, or I can start over again. And over. And over. And over. Every single day, every single meal, every single bite.

While I’m writing this now, the worst seems to be over. I already lost a kilo, I’m back to not eating sugar much, and alcohol is restricted to weekends (with a very broad definition of weekends, like, three days a week). I’m also back to exercise, doing small things like riding the bike to the grocery store instead of taking the car, and a walk every other day.

I very much hope that I can keep myself on track and then some time in the future (maybe next year) I’ll be back to where I was last year. And I want to do this without obsessing about it, just behaving like a slim person. Because “feeling fat”, like I said before, is not about the size of your body, it is short for “how I feel about myself as a person”, or for self worth.

Still. If you were in my place, would you sew yourself a new summer dress? Would you buy yourself a new, bigger, bathing suit? I know I’m not the only one in this place.

I have been sewing again

June 4, 2008 by Susanne 12 Comments

I already felt a little weird, I got my new sewing machine last summer, bought a lot of fabric, and vowed to finally make some of the projects I had planned to make for months and months. There never was time, every week I said to myself, “But next weekend…”. Then my purse broke. One of the handles has come off due to constant overload, and so, finally last weekend I started making my new purse. It’s the “A Day in the Park Backpack Tote“, a pattern by Liesl Gibson. I had bought the pattern back in July, and then ordered the fabric and notions from u-handbag. And then it all sat there for ages.

Since I now have a nice little roto-cutter and mat and have practiced using it the cutting out was going far better than I had feared. After a mere two hours or so I was done. (When I told my sister that I had a new cutter she said, “You’ll love it once you get used to it.” And I, of course, thought “What’s there to get used to it?” Well, let’s just say this time I only cut off slivers of paper from the patterns, my straight lines were actually straight. Ahem.) It’s a good thing that I spent another afternoon before that tracing the pattern pieces and cutting them all out.

The pattern, while great, has about a gazillion pieces and everything needs to be cut out something like four times. And then you’d theoretically transfer all the markings to the fabric pieces. Hahaha. On Monday evening I started actually sewing the bag, and wished for a walking foot right away. No matter what I do, the pieces a) never are of the same size, and b) never line up properly. The only thing that could change that is either a walking foot or hand-basting which is totally out of the question.

I won’t bother you with the whole saga of my sewing process, but I learned that it takes me only about six minutes to transfer my nice kitchen into this:

And about the same amount of time to take everything back. That took me by surprise I would have thought it took longer to fetch the sewing machine, chair, ironing board, sewing box, iron, extension cord, fabric and pattern from different parts of the house.

Yesterday I really threw myself into it. Apart from the little things I have to attend to like drink water, teach, do errands, and look after my son, I sew and sew. I’m always amazed at how little of sewing is actually sewing. It’s more like ironing, pinning, and trying to figure out what to do next with tiny sewing intermezzos. And in my case the sewing goes quite slowly. But then I figured out that while I started sewing about 30 years ago in all this time I did only two skirts, two pairs of pants, two shirts, about four curtains and about three bags. So I’m more of a long-time beginner.

Back to the bag. I spent about 40 minutes trying to pin the front panel to the side panel. The instructions are very clear. They say that you should make sure that the tops are lining up. That’s a very good thought, only I couldn’t make them line up. Just. Couldn’t. In the end they looked like this:

So I did what every sane person would do – I chopped the fabric that didn’t match on the front and back panels off. It was about half an inch front and back. That of course could have posed a problem with the lining. You see, it’s not that pretty when the lining is actually bigger than the outside bag. In the end it all turned out well because I had the exact same problem with the exact same amount of extra fabric when I sew together the lining. Off it came. If only I knew what I did wrong. I didn’t trace the pattern pieces wrong, and I didn’t forget to add seam allowances somewhere because they were already included in the pieces.

When my husband came to tell me he was going to bed I responded with, “Only two more seams.” but then I just went on and finished everything up. I hammered the rivets in at 11.30 at night. Thank God for a soundproof annex. Oh, and if you think of making one of these bags for yourself, go ahead, I highly recommend it though at times the thought of that many pattern pieces drove me slightly crazy, but I also recommend getting the hardware with the pattern. Really. The rivets I have were no fun to put in and they might fall out anytime soon. Other than that I love this bag.

And thanks to Joleo (because she wrote something about inserting zippers which I can’t seem to find anymore) I hand-basted the zipper into the lining and was rewarded with a nice zippered pocket for once.

I can’t tell you how happy I am about my new bag. Of course it’s raining now, not the best weather for a fabric bag but then – there will be summer days and when I wore it today to kindergarten I found it very, very comfortable to wear and I break out into a smile every time I see the fabric.

(Speaking of smiles, please remember that you have until the 7th to send me your posts or posts that you read for our monthly just post roundtables. (It’s creativemother AT web DOT de.) If you don’t know what the just posts are about you can click on any of the purple birds in the right sidebar.)