Handgemacht – Folge 79: Das Problem mit der Motivation und der Willenskraft

 Podcast  No Responses »
May 282017
 
Handgemacht - Folge 79: Motivation und Willenskraft [ 49:08 ] Play in Popup | Download

Gestrickt habe ich:

Gesponnen habe ich:

  • Targhee auf der Türkischen von IST Crafts
  • lila Nube auf dem Victoria
Gehäkelt habe ich:
Gefärbt habe ich:
  • fünf Stränge Trekking mit Ashford-Farbenimage

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Random on a Friday

 life, lists  No Responses »
May 262017
 
  • I am so tired at the moment that the only thing I’m longing for is sleep. All I can think about is how marvelous it would feel to just lay my head on the table and close my eyes.
  • Of course I promptly forget all about that every evening when it’s time to go to bed, and I then start battling tiredness with food.
  • Which is not unrelated to the fact that I’m about two to three kilos heavier than I want to be which at times makes me feel totally fat. And the next minute I see myself in the mirror and marvel at the slimness of my hips. These days when I tell someone how much weight I lost they tend not to believe me.
  • I slacked off in a rather grandiose way the last week which means I will have to do everything today. Until 2.30 or so. I am postponing the taxes, though, will have to do those over the weekend. Strangely enough I don’t enjoy doing taxes.
  • I am also full of ennui to the brim. None of the hundreds of unread books (or the dozen of books I have already started reading) appeals to me, everywhere I look there is so much stuff to do that I just lay back and flip through yet another book or website. And then I think how unappealing all of this is. Even the chocolate I’m eating by the handful is unappealing.
  • One of the most unappealing things at the moment is the novel I’m writing. I am about four hours away of finishing the rough draft, and of course that’s the point where I decide the whole thing is just too bad, too boring, and not worth it.
  • It’s a good thing that I know by now that that is just a normal part of the process for me. I’ll go through phases where I think it’s a) not too bad, b) the best thing ever, c) completely horrible in various stages. None of this means anything.
  • Of course that doesn’t make the writing any easier.
  • Of course sitting here waiting for me to be in a better mood won’t be changing anything, the only thing that will change my mood is kicking myself in the butt and do something.
  • This will be a fun weekend, I’m sure.

So, how are you doing?

And now I’m trying to get back to normal life

 life  No Responses »
May 152017
 

So the concerts went well, and we’re trying to get back to our routines and normal life. But it is harder than we thought.

I did expect to be exhausted and not good for much for most of the week, but I didn’t expect to feel completely limp and faint for the whole week. Friday was the first day I felt almost back to normal, but only almost. And my husband has felt the same.

So I spent most of last week basically doing nothing. A little knitting, a lot of reading, and not much else. I didn’t even go for runs, and had short walks instead because I felt so low on energy. I did sleep a lot, and set my alarm for 6.30 instead of 5. Turns out that eight hours of sleep is my limit these days.

But today I have decided to go back to normal. So I set my alarm for 5.30 (didn’t want to go overboard), woke up at 5 and did my morning routine thing. Now it is 6.20 and I’m writing this. I’m hoping to get back to writing my novel soon, hopefully after breakfast. So far this morning I have opened the document and stared at it for five minutes. I have no idea what will happen next, and am hoping that my subconscious will work that out while I’m having breakfast.

The downside of the concerts being over is that now I should have way more time and energy. And I should be able to do everything that has been left undone for the past two years.

But of course that’s not how it works, isn’t it? I’m always hoping for vast amounts of time to open up and then they never do. But my list of things to do is really long. I still want to declutter. I stopped a few weeks ago and haven’t gotten back to it. I still want to sew all the things. I still want to finish the weaving projects that have been lingering for years.

When I look at all of that at once it’s really overwhelming. My husband is almost in a panic right now because there is so much to do in the garden, and then he wants to practice all.the.instruments, and there is a lot to work on in the house as well. And I can totally understand him because I feel the same.

Of course there is only one thing to do. Take a deep breath, make a list, and work on it, slowly, one thing after the other, not stopping for the next few months. And at the end the house will be decluttered, our son will have a newly renovated room, we will have our living room back – mold-free – and there will be fresh vegetables from the garden. Only it won’t happen all at once.

But the novel will get written, and the instruments will get played, and our lives will become a little calmer. I hope.

Handgemacht – Folge 78: Wollnotstand

 Podcast  No Responses »
May 142017
 
Handgemacht - Folge 78: Wollnotstand [ 46:46 ] Play in Popup | Download

Gestrickt habe ich:

Gesponnen habe ich:

  • Targhee auf der Türkischen von IST Craftsimage
Gehäkelt habe ich:
Genäht habe ich:

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On being extra busy

 life  1 Response »
May 052017
 

This weekend is the one my husband and I have been working towards for two years now. Tomorrow and the day after we will perform songs from 1967 with a band.

We have been practicing and rehearsing for months and months, we will have three people’ staying at our house overnight, and we will feed the whole band, all six of us.

 

I didn't really want to do this concert. It was my husband's pet project, and when he first came up with the idea I said no. In fact I said, “No way, not with me.”

 

Then I decided that if this is so important to him I will support it. Also I keep forgetting that I love performing more than I think I do.

 

Still. This will be exhausting for sure. I won't get enough sleep, I will have to be the one making breakfast and lunch and dinner, and doing all the dishes, and being around all day in case somebody needs something.

And then after dinner I will be standing on stage, helping with sound, singing background and shaking a tambourine. (Shaking a tambourine is surprisingly exhausting and painful. I find that an hour or so of banging the tambourine against my hand leaves me with a dire need of applying an ice pack. And then I'll do it again for another hour, and again the next day.)

 

And after the concert on Sunday we will unplug everything again, and move all the amps, mixers, cables, instruments, microphone stands and such back to our house, go to bed way too late, and on Monday I will need to get up at 6.30, make breakfast for our son, and then make breakfast for everybody else when they get up, after which I will start my normal teaching day again.

 

I'm hoping that the making of music will be fun, and I'm sure it will be. I'm also looking forward to having weekends off and being able to focus on my writing and my own music, and maybe decluttering the house.

 

Soon.

Handgemacht – Folge 77: Der Weg des Künstlers

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Apr 292017
 
Handgemacht - Folge 77: Der Weg des Künstlers [ 56:37 ] Play in Popup | Download

Gestrickt habe ich:

  • Peachy Miss Winkle: so gut wie fertigimage
  • Spiral-Socken: ein Paar für meinen Mann angefangenimage

Gesponnen habe ich:

  • nichts
Gehäkelt habe ich:
Genäht habe ich:
  • Auftrittskleid zugeschnittenimage

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And I’m doing Camp NaNoWriMo again

 NaNoWriMo, writing  No Responses »
Apr 262017
 

One of the reasons that I haven’t written much here lately – even though I made a commitment to myself to post something once a week at least – has been that I’m in the middle of doing Camp NaNoWriMo yet again. I had wanted to write the first draft of the third in the current trilogy, and so I thought that would be a good thing so that I could write that faster. I’m not quite sure why but NaNo works for me every time.

Of course right now I’m at that stage where I am completely convinced that the whole story is crap, that nobody ever would want to read it – me included – and that stopping it and starting something else would be a fabulous idea.

And of course there is only one thing one can do in a situation like this: finish writing it.

Because it’s always the same. I am a little more than halfway through the story right now, and that is always when I lose interest. Writing middles is hard for me, and now that I know where this is going, and what will happen it’s not all that exciting anymore. And I’ve been sitting down to write every day for three weeks now, okay, most days, and it’s starting to get old.

I also stopped revision on the second novel so that I could take advantage of Camp NaNoWriMo for the third one. I’m still not sure if that was a good thing but that’s what I did, and now I’m stuck with it.

I am hoping that I’ll be able to pick that revision up again at the beginning of May, and that my notes and my memory of what happened, and what I want this book to be are good enough that I can sit down and actually make the cut. And that I then will be disciplined enough to sit down and revise novel number three.

Discipline is kickking my ass, by the way. I still get up at five, and the benefits are big enough that I want to continue doing that but I’m still not going to bed early enough, and so my whole world consists of tiredness right now. It is somewhat alright in the mornings which is why I can write at all but as the day goes on ot becomes harder and harder. Until I lack the willpower to turn off the lights at night.

And this weekend things will be extra-interesting because we have rehearsal, and even a kind of dress rehearsal for the thing we’re going to play at the beginning of May, and that means not only will I have to be coherent and with people until my bedtime and beyond, I will also have to sing and play and focus on what I’m doing at a time where I usually just slump around reading.

And before that I will have to get beds ready for the musicians who stay overnight, and help my husband make food for them, and do dishes like crazy, and go to the grocery store, and help set up for rehearsal.

In fact, it’s not quite seven yet, and I feel like crawling back into bed already.

Still, I will have to find a way to write my 2,500 words today, and do everything I need to do, and be nice and polite and professional.

So yeah, that is why I haven’t posted here this week. I did write lots and lots of words, though, so I hope that’s alright with you.

Handgemacht – Folge 76: Handarbeiten im Frühling

 Podcast  No Responses »
Apr 172017
 
Handgemacht - Folge 76: Handarbeiten im Frühling [ 43:44 ] Play in Popup | Download

Gestrickt habe ich:

Gesponnen habe ich:

  • grüne Merino/Seide auf der Bosworth Featherweightimage
Gehäkelt habe ich:
Genäht habe ich:
  • Probekleid ist etwa halb fertig
  • Stoff für das tasächlich Auftrittskleid bestellt

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Random on a Wednesday

 life, lists  No Responses »
Apr 122017
 
  • It is the first week of Easter break, and I’m so out of sorts that I typed „Thursday“ in the headline at first. As you know I’m always a little thrown by things like weekends and breaks, and this week my husband is also away with a friend for a few days in Italy. Of course I thought I’d have huge amounts of time on my hand in which I could do all.the.things. Finish sewing the muslin for the performance dress, make all.the.music, read all the books, write like the wind.
  • Instead I spent Monday morning waiting for my husband to leave, then got frozen pizza at the last minute, made that, had lunch, taught a student, went to a doctor’s appointment with out son (we biked there and I managed to get lost twice), then teach another student, and that was that. Then go to bed way too late.
  • Tuesday the sloth descended on me, and I basically did nothing the whole day but sit, read and crochet. Until my back and arms hurt. I skipped my Tuesday run, did not practice, did not shower, and was extremely cranky by the end of the day.
  • Since past experience has taught me that me sitting and reading and knittein (or crocheting, whatever) and doing nothing else is a fast track to depression I decided to do everything right today.
  • I got up, did my morning routine, wrote, had breakfast, wrote some more, then waited for our son to get up (bad move when you have a teenager), was late for the run that I had decided to do today instead of yesterday, tried calling my mother, and just when I was about to get out the door to run errands she called me back, we talked for 45 minutes, I was way too late for erranding, went to the health food store and the pharmacy, went back, made baked beans and eggs for lunch, decided to read a bit before doing the dishes, and really buckling down, and the next thing I knew it was three hours later.
  • While I am halfway through the book I started yesterday somehow that doesn’t really give me that fulfillment and rosy glow that I hoped for.
  • I plain forgot to blog last week, by the way, which just goes to show how out of wack I am.
  • I promised my husband to buy gasoline for the lawn mower back in the fall, and he put the empty canister next to my bike. I then promptly forgot until he reminded me a few weeks ago. Also twice since, and last week. I might want to go and get gasoline but it’s always really weird to bike to the gas station, get the canister out of your paniers, fill it with a few liters, carry the canister inside to pay because I can’t just leave it standing around, and if I put it in the paniers the bike will topple over, and the bike back home.
  • I also forgot that I need to go to the cobbler to get my shoes back twice. Even though I put it on a list. Lists only help if you look at them regularly.
  • And now that my husband isn’t here not only do I have to cook every day (I have almost forgotten how to do that, by the way) I also have to water the millions of plants everywhere that are supposed to be planted in the garden in a few weeks. His whole studio is full of pots with seeds and tiny plants in them. Also I can never remember which of the vegetable beds outside is the one without seeds in it. I just water them all.

I’m really not cut out to deal with change in any way, I know. I’m hoping to get better some day but right now the only way I see is to just get the shoes and the gas right now (before the cobbler closes), then do the dishes, do strength training, go to bed on time, and hope for the best for tomorrow.

So, how’s your day going? Sloth? Not-Sloth?

Handgemacht – Folge 75: Häkeldeckenplanungschaos

 Podcast  No Responses »
Apr 012017
 
Handgemacht - Folge 75: Häkeldeckenplanungschaos [ 1:10:19 ] Play in Popup | Download

Gestrickt habe ich:

Gesponnen habe ich:

  • Nube auf dem Victoria: die ersten zwei Spulen sind voll
Gehäkelt habe ich:
Genäht habe ich:
  • immerhin habe ich schon das Schnittmuster für das Probekleid zum Auftrittskleid ausgeschnitten, aus der Burda Vintage „Die sagenhaften Sixties“ das Modell „Tina“.

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