Archives for April 2020

Woke up around six again and had another slow morning. I did write for fifteen minutes, though, so that was good. Everybody else showed up right on time too. And I finally finished sewing my face mask:

The good thing about hand-sewing is that it is really portable. I’m trying to get used to the thimble and failing. At least this one actually fits me. I only realized that the one that came with my sewing kit is too small. That sewing kit has sentimental value even though it is somewhat ugly and not high quality. I got it for my confirmation from my grandmother’s twin sister; she bought it in the German Democratic Republic where she went often to visit her children.

I did look through all the thimbles I own the other day. Because I also inherited my husband’s paternal grandmother’s sewing basket. And a few more thimbles from someone else’s mother. So I finally tried all the thimbles on and choose the one that fit me best. Interestingly, they all had a number on the side but I have two that say size 1 that are pretty different. At least I guess that the number 1 is the size. Anyways, I have one that fits snug enough to not fall off but doesn’t cut off circulation.

I was not looking forward to grocery shopping at all and in the end I asked the boy to accompany me. My mother-in-law did have another homemade mask, she got two from a woman she knows. The boy looked rather stylish in blue pleats with stars. We walked all the way to the supermarket, the weather was gorgeous and warm and it felt like the beginning of summer instead of spring. Then we searched for everything we were supposed to get. It takes a lot of time to find everything and there are still things you can’t really get. Like dried beans. And yeast. (I still have enough for everything I want to bake for Easter.) Having the boy with me showed me how much work this whole grocery shopping adventure always is. He was pretty spent when we came back home. And usually I’m carrying everything alone, this time there were two of us.

Back home lunch was ready and delicious as always:

Just after I took this picture my husband exclaimed, „But there is white wine in the fridge!“ We decided to leave the alcohol-free beer for later and switch to wine instead.

After that I flopped down on the kitchen bench and didn’t move for an hour or so. Until I realized I was already a bit too late. I had to choose between hanging up the laundry my husband had washed in the morning and doing the dishes. Laundry won, but not before I had helped my husband with some computer issue.

I was barely in time for my one lesson of the day. A rather enjoyable singing lesson.

Then I have no memory of what I did next, apart from helping the boy with writing yet another e-mail. He is so anxious that he has a hard time just writing things. He always wants my opinion.

Then we ate sandwiches for dinner in front of TV. We watched an excellent episode of Voyager and a definitely not excellent episode of the Star Trek animated series. Then he helped me wash the dishes, I started writing this post and went to bed almost on time.

Today there will be cleaning (even though that is a big no-no on Good Friday), preparing the next podcast episode and recording it. I hope. I’d also like to do some yoga. This month was not as productive as I would have liked by far but at least I did some sort of exercise every single day. So at least that is going well.

All in all not a productive day. Sorry for the whining. I’m full of ennui at the moment.

Tini commented on my post about waiting all the time with very sensible and reasonable tips. She is right, of course, and yes, I could do loads of things differently. I could even find some more solutions to my problem. The first step is realizing what bothers me. The next will be to do things differently.

But I continue to have a difficult time with these free-flowing days. At the same time I love having them.

Yesterday I woke up early and dawdled until it was time to make breakfast. Only then did I notice that I had forgotten to take my thyroid medication which meant I had to postpone breakfast.

I was sure my husband would show up early like the day before, instead he was late.

After the boy got downstairs – totally on time! – I put an online pharmacy order in. That took me half an hour because I had to find everything everybody wanted (including my mother-in-law), pushed a wrong button and ended up with 36 items in my shopping cart and had to delete most of those again and then make sure that I had everything we needed. Twice.

After that I did a huge pile of dishes. Then went out to run to late.

The weather was nice and warm, first time wearing shorts this year. There were lots of people outside but not too much. My earphones started acting up, the right one was mostly off. I found myself lazy and unmotivated so I cut my run short and mostly walked. Better than nothing, at least:

It’s pretty dry out there. Our rain barrels are running low already.

Then I helped making lunch, and started researching new headphones. Choosing things like that always takes ages. I really appreciate the range of selection but it often makes me paralyzed. Do I really need to choose between ten sets of almost identical headphones? I managed to choose a pair and ordere those. The boy was a big help. Not that I did what he recommended but I bounced my concerns off him and that helped me get clearer on what I wanted.

Lunch was tasty:

Then I took a break and procrastinated doing the dishes, taking a shower, writing, preparing the podcast, recording the podcast, seeing and spinning. I ended up reading my way through my new feedreader, postponing most of what I had wanted to do that day, then taking my shower and starting the dishes too late while listening to the Facebook live for the „Growing Gills“ book club.

One thing Tini asked about was if I couldn’t sit at my desk to write and tell everybody not to disturb me for a while. Great idea, of course. Now let me show you my desk at the moment:

All of this is stuff I put there so I can record singing warmups for my students. Also, sheet music, a picture a student drew me and the form my mother-in-law and mother were badgering us about. Self-employed people who earned less because of the lockdown can get financial help. Which is good. They were both badgering us, not realizing that so far we haven’t made much less money than before. It is pretty hard to ask for money that I might have made if I had been able to teach someone in person. To ask for compensation for the new student who will start a month later. All of this is within the normal fluctuations our income follows. Most students are still taking their lessons, only online.

I did print the form out and put it on my desk so that the next time one of them asks us about it we could tell them that it is already on my desk, thanks, we’ll take care of it. Without lying.

Next up I need to decide whether I will actually record those warmups or not. I should probably move the keyboard elsewhere regardless. My whole studio is a mess. I am leaving everything I need for teaching out on the piano because there is less time to move things around and since it’s only me in there it doesn’t matter as much.

Interestingly, sitting in front of my iPad all the time while teaching feels as if I’m locked in that room much more than when I have my students in there with me. I have been really unwilling to spend time in there unless I’m teaching. I guess the problem is that I can move around more freely when the student is in the room with me but when I move out of camera range it feels as if I’m gone. You need to stay in front of the camera, otherwise the other person feels as if the call is over. Transitions between students are also quite different. When teaching in person there is always a moment between students. One of them leaves, the other one rings the bell, removes their shoes and coat and come in. I usually end lessons about two minutes early so that there is time for the student to pack everything up, for me to write down what we did and get ready for the next one to come through the door. Now there is almost no transition. It makes teaching pretty intense. There is also less lull, less chitchat and you have to stay way more focused. It’s not all bad, just something to get used to.

I taught my one lone student for the day, then did three online puzzles and ended up cranky and angry with myself. Yeah?

Of course today I’ll do everything different.

On the agenda there is: going to the supermarket, getting everything we need for special Easter meals. One student again but this time in the early afternoon which is good. I want to prepare the next podcast episode. Bonus points for writing the newsletter.

When my alarm went off I turned around and fell asleep again. This is happening more and more which means – I really need to go to bed earlier. I did do my morning routine in full which means I actually spent 25 minutes on the novel. Phew.

There was also a lot of reading online throughout the day. Still, things happened. It was the first day of Easter break for the boy which meant he spiraled into playing all the video games and not showing up in time for meals. I’d like this to change again, please.

I did go on my run/walk:

It was warm enough that I didn’t need a jacket or sweater at all. Just a few degrees more and I will have to wear shorts:

My husband opted to stay home and work in the garden. There is so much to do at the moment that he felt he couldn’t afford to lose an hour to running. He didn’t like it, though.

Then we made wild garlic pesto. The wild garlic is growing in our backyard:

After that I had a long talk with the boy while doing the dishes and hanging up laundry (he helped). Then it was time to help my husband make his new video teaching setup more ergonomic. He had had to perch on a really uncomfortable chair so that his students could see both his face and his hands on the guitar. We moved the computer to the side so it sits lower. The lighting is better in that place as well. Unfortunately, something seems to have gone wrong when we connected the computer to his stereo. He ended up wearing headphones while teaching.

Then it was time for me to get ready to teach and to ask the boy to hang up some more laundry. I had to wear a long-sleeved tee in a room with tropical heat because of the laundry situation. The good thing was that I also wore a light summer skirt with bare legs.

After teaching I attended the first session of the „Growing Gills“ book club. I’m hoping that this will help me but am a little skeptical as well. I know that all of her suggestions are good ones, I’m only not quite sure if they are good for me.

For example, Jessica Abel who wrote the book and is doing the book club is a big proponent of time blocking. And I love the idea. It even worked for me for about a week or so. But I just can’t be bothered enough to adhere to my time blocked schedule.

In case you have no idea what I’m talking about, time blocking means that for everything you want to do on a given day you find a spot on your calendar. You don’t just make a to-do list, you put it on your calendar. This can be very helpful in making you realize that you have over-scheduled yourself. Of course I can put „sort through yarn stash“ on my to-do list for tomorrow but when I look at my calendar and see that I only have half an hour of free time between two students it becomes clear that sorting through all my yarn won’t happen.

Now, time-blocking does not mean you can never change your plans. If things change you also change your schedule. But at least you can see right away that something will have to give if you extend your lunch break for an hour.

As I said, that worked for me for about five seconds. I put everything in my calendar and set a timer for each thing I wanted to do and then did it. Mostly. Until I didn’t.

But we’re not at time blocking yet with the book club, right now we are at time-tracking. Which I also find a good idea. In theory. And I have been tracking my time for two or three days now. (See, I don’t even know.) It is a bit like when people start tracking what they eat. Most people get so self-conscious about writing every bite down that they immediately eat less. Me, I just write down things like „ate a bag of potato chips, and bar of chocolate and a bag of gummy bears after lunch; felt horrible and nauseous“.

It’s the same with the time tracking. I already knew that I was spending about three hours a day wasting time online. Writing it on a sheet of paper changes nothing for me. Do I want to spend that much time on social media and such? No, I don’t. Will writing it down change anything? Highly unlikely.

The most interesting thing to me is how much time I spend doing things like „knitting, reading, talking to husband“ or „waiting for the boy while scrolling through Instagram“ or „in between time“. It feels like most of my life is spent either waiting for someone, or sitting around knitting and switching between talking to my husband who is wandering in and out of the room and reading a novel. Or idly reading stuff online while I’m waiting for the boy to come downstairs for a meal.

It often feels that my lack of structure isn’t really the problem but the lack of everybody else’s structure. Like, my husband usually comes over or breakfast at 8.30. Which means he will show up at any random time between 8 (unlikely) and 8.45 (more likely). The boy is supposed to come down for breakfast at 9.15. Which means he will be downstairs some time between 9.20 and 12. Yesterday I went upstairs and woke him up at 9.30 because he overslept.

My husband usually starts cooking around 12 and he likes me to help with the chopping and such, so I will usually be in the kitchen waiting for him to start around that time. Yesterday he started cooking and needing my help at 12.30. I spent that thirty minutes just sitting there, reading Twitter. It is interesting that he thinks that he is doing things at the exact same time every day. But I have my time tracking protocols and can tell you that he actually isn’t.

Now, I know that things shift around and that isn’t a big problem. But, on the other hand, there were about ninety minutes in that day that I could have spent working on my novel or making progress on learning Affinity Photo if I just had known I would have them. And that is making me a bit resentful.

If I were to tell my family that I want to work on something specific at a certain time they will always respect that. But I don’t quite know what to do with all these time slots that keep shifting. Yesterday the boy and I got talking while doing the dishes and that expanded into all available time. I want to make time for these conversations, I think they are really necessary and a good use of my time. But things like this happen all the time and every day. And at the end of the day I am looking at a to-do list that has way too many things not crossed off yet.

By the way, I switched back to my old blog theme. I’m hoping that that will bring pictures back to the RSS feed for now. It is definitely not a long-term solution but I really don’t like it when I’m taking care to take all these pictures and then put them into my blog post and then they don’t show up for most of you.

Sorry for rambling but you know how I am about time-management.

Today there will be going to the health food store, some teaching via video chat, strength training, writing and early to bed. We’ll see how that goes.