Jun 082018

So yesterday was one of those dangerous day, a day with a lot of free time.

Guess, how much writing I got done?

Well, no, it wasn’t nothing. It was 221 words.

Yeah, I didn’t find that surprising as well. I might have to make sure that I have busier days in the future.

I got up early and promptly spent an hour on the internet. I also wrote my blog post but mostly I read stuff. Then breakfast, then talking with my husband and feeling sorry for myself. We both have a lot of things going on, as usual, and he is meeting people right and left.

And in talking to him it was getting clearer and clearer that going out that night and going to spinning meeting on Saturday would be too much.

I looked up the people who had said they were coming to that author meet-up and found that all the women who were going were employed by a German ebook reader/publishing company. And the guys were looking as if I didn’t have anything in common with them.

And I told my husband, „And then I will go to this thing, and then I will get all upset and then I will rant about the whole thing for two days non-stop, and I will drink too much and shake my head at people who are doing business as if it were 2010, and I will get home way too late and feel horrible.”

And then I asked myself why I wanted to go.

Last time had been sort of nice. And I keep wanting to meet people who want to achieve the same kind of goals that I do. And people who are like me. But then I had this revelation. The chances of meeting someone like me at that meet-up were so slim that I’d better stay at home and work on my novel.

I’m trying to ask myself only one question at the moment (and failing but that’s another story), „Does this help me reach my big goal?”

If it isn’t I’m supposed not to do it.

So right before lunchtime I decided to just stay at home. And immediately I felt a lot happier.

I try leaving my comfort zone and networking with people but really, this has never worked before. Why am I thinking that it will work this time?

It is like when I was a teenager and I would go to every party possible, and every time I would think, „Maybe this time I will meet the one. Or make new friends. It might happen. I need to get out more. Nobody will ring at my door and ask me to be their friend or lover.”

Do you know how I met my husband?

I met him because my ex was playing with him. I went to see them perform one night because my vocal jazz quintet practice had been canceled. I opened the door for this guy with the guitar and there was an immediate attraction. Not because I was going to parties all the time.

No idea if that was an epiphany but maybe I will stop seeking connections in the wrong places, who knows.

There was lunch, of course, with the obligatory photo (you guys, you really should try my husband’s food some day, it is delicious):

IMG 1409

Pork cutlets today.

Then I procrastinated like crazy, felt sorry for myself some more, sang a bit, taught two whole students, procrastinated some more, thought about the novel and realized what the next scene should be. And procrastinated some more.

Then I watched yet another webinar, this one held by the fabulous Jessica Abel, and then I went to bed.

Today will be the usual Friday madness, pizza, cleaning, teaching all.the.students all afternoon, and then slump down in front of Netflix.

I’m hoping that I will be able to get out of the slump eventually. I might need to give myself a kick in the behind. Oh, if you need one yourself I can recommend this excellent TEDx talk that I found through Rachael Herron’s blog:


Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.