Archives for January 2018

So I took my first ever thyroid pill and didn’t really feel different. As was to be expected. There was a brief moment of lessening brain fog some time in the morning, no idea if that was real or not. It did make me realize how foggy I usually am these days, though. It’s a bit scary when you can’t rely on your mind working properly.

Since I couldn’t decide between walking and yoga for the day I just put on running shoes and went running instead. And it went fine. I really missed that. Even if I had to wade through acres of mud again. My poor shoes are completely covered. I keep thinking that I should clean them but then they just get muddy again tomorrow.

So I managed to do most of what I wanted yesterday, including recording the podcast, finishing the crochet blanket, and writing my 500 words.

Today will be busy again. I’m hoping for cleaning, music, writing, reading more of novel number one, spinning, and a little less teaching than usual on Fridays. One student canceled, and the boy said that he’d like to continue learning the piece he got last week so we’re skipping the lesson today, and he’ll just practice tonight. He is doing very well. He is set on getting this right, and really digs in. Fascinating.

I’m usually in the same room when he practices so I get to watch what he’s doing. Every time he gets something wrong he goes back and fixes it. Which is very good.

Now if only I would actually practice instead of just doing warmup that would be a good thing too. But I am a little swamped.

Spent a lot of time thinking about the new cardigan I want to knit. It’s either dying some sock yarn I have, or dying and spinning some merino fiber I have, or finishing spinning the burgundy merino in progress. That one is no fun to spin for me anymore. It’s staining my fingers and the spindles when I work on it, and for plying I’m using a technique that’s new to me so that’s hard too.

But I guess using yarn that’s already a third spun is better than the alternatives. And if I don’t finish that yarn it will always bug me. I don’t like giving up. Not at all.

So yesterday I basically didn’t do anything apart from going to the doctor.

The appointment didn’t take long, we talked a bit about the thyroid check at the radiologist’s, she didn’t mention the sleep test at all, and then she said, „Well, the radiologist recommends you taking thyroid hormone but I don’t see it.”

„Why?”

„Because you lost so much weight.”

„Well, let me tell you something about my weight-loss: it took ages, and it was rather hard, and I have gained six kilos back in the past few months. It’s not like the weight just fell off, and while I know that I’m the only one who believes this, I still think that I’m hypothyroid.”

„Let’s try a very small dose of thyroid hormone, then, and come back for a blood test in six weeks.”

I could have hugged her. That was exactly the outcome I had been wishing for with all my might.

Mind you, I could be wrong about my thyroid but I do have loads of the usual symptoms, including fatigue, dry skin, thin hair, dry nails, a puffy face, low energy, low mood,and bad memory. My husband also keeps reminding me that I’ve been complaining about low energy for as long as he has known me.

So now this is rather exciting. Of course I googled how long it will take to show any results on the new medication. And I’m only taking a teensy tiny dose, half of what the radiologist recommended. My doctor is afraid of me getting hyperthyroid which is understandable because that’s more dangerous than being hypothyroid.

But just the thought of maybe not feeling under the weather and tired all the time? Not wishing for spending every day in bed from beginning to end? That really sounds wonderful.

So we’ll wait and see. Might take six weeks to see a difference. And the dose might not be enough.

The other hope is that taking the medication might shrink the thyroid nodules which would be excellent as well.

Interestingly that doctor’s appointment left me all emotional and drained, and so on my way home I bought a bag of chips and some chocolate, and decided to celebrate.

I spent the rest of the day just hanging around (and teaching, of course), not doing anything and stuffing myself. I even had a beer in the evening.

Today it is back to business, I hope to do some sort of exercise, my husband is planning to make lasagna which will take about an hour of my time, I want to make music, write, read a bit more of novel number one, teach, record the podcast, and finish the crochet blanket.

Phew.

I’d love to do daily yoga but I have no idea where to shoehorn that into my days. At the moment even my normal exercise doesn’t happen. My excuse is that my leg still feels a little off, but I could go for walks instead, or do some strength training for arms and core.

I’m just so tired all the time.

But maybe I won’t be any more in a few weeks. That would be so cool.

And not only isn’t there enough time in the day, there isn’t enough energy either.

I had wanted to go grocery shopping early – like every Tuesday – and then my husband got up late – like every Tuesday. So I went grocery shopping too late – again, like every Tuesday. Seems I need to change my plans in the future.

I did try another grocery store, though, because I realized how much I dread the big one that’s farther away. And that was a good thing, I went to one that I didn’t really like in the past because the selection is not as good. But. It’s near enough that I can walk instead of bike, it has organic meat which the other one doesn’t, I don’t need to cross two big streets with lots of traffic, and also I don’t need to pass my son’s school just when school is out, and everything is clogged with students heading for lunch. So I call that a win.

Then I struggled to do the dishes, and get myself clean because apparently grocery shopping costs energy, and so I could just sing a little before my first students came – only five minutes too early this time but they have been known for coming in fifteen minutes too early most of the time which means I have to be ready fifteen minutes early. And yes, in my life fifteen minutes make a difference.

Then I taught some students, used another fifteen minute break to play some piano, waited for the boy to come downstairs for playing the piano as well, had dinner, waited for my husband to finish teaching, talked to him some more, sat around reading because I was way too tired for everything, did the dishes, worked a little on line edits for novem number one, read some more and went to bed.

Things I had wanted to do but didn’t: sew some more, exercise in some way, start doing deliberate practice instead of just playing something through willy-nilly, dust and vacuum.

Today won’t be much better, I’m having a doctor’s appointment because of my fatigue which means this morning is gone already. And I’m not really expecting anything from that appointment. I’m just thinking I need to try everything before giving up hope.

I’m also cranky because exercise isn’t happening at the moment. The 5,000 steps I walked yesterday while grocery shopping showed me that my leg might be better but it’s not in good enough shape to start running again. Strength training hasn’t been happening either, because a) I don’t want to end up all sore, b) the exercises that don’t make me sore are boring, c) the boy doesn’t really want to do strength training so he’ll use every excuse he possibly can, and most importantly d) by the time I’m ready for strength training in the evening I’m usually so exhausted, tired, and hungry that I don’t manage pushing myself to it.

So, of course, I should do strength training earlier in the day.

This morning I decided that I should start doing yoga in the mornings instead of running until my leg is well again. Better to do something than nothing. And not being able to run doesn’t mean not being able to walk but I’ll tackle that tomorrow when I don’t have a doctor’s appointment.

Sorry, I’m feeling like it’s all whining all the time this week. And there’s still a lot of thinking about the upcoming year and the life I really want happening. And then I try things, and fall on my face again. Which is sometimes a little disheartening.

Like my sweeping declaration to not eat sugar or drink alcohol until I have lost those pesky six kilos that I gained back. While I did indeed not eat sugar or drink alcohol I instead ate all the cheese and nuts which didn’t really help with the weight-loss. So I decided to stop this nonsense last weekend. I am now allowed chocolate again (no more than four pieces per day), and beer or wine on weekends (one, two at the most per day). Interestingly my binge-eating has stopped now. So that’s good.

I guess I’ll feel better after the appointment today. Or mabye I’ll just be completely angry. Either way I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.

And only half a round to go on my corchet blanket.

That was a pretty down day, I mostly felt like a loser because I haven’t really fulfilled my potential as a musician. Which is something I have to live with from time to time because it’s true, and I can’t change my past. Of course part of me wants to grab my 12-yo. self by the shoulders, shake her and tell her that nobody really likes to practice the parts that are hard but that she will never really fell good about her playing if she doesn’t. Also that the way to get singing lessons is to go to a singing teacher and take some. And that she really should.

But then I might have ended as an opera singer, and who wants that?

After wrestling with these things for most of the day I came to the same decision as ever, the past is the past, I will never be top-notch in that regard but I can do the best I can with what I have now. And then I started reading about how to practice for performance, not only for being able to play things alone in your room. Which means I will have to fit additional practice into my days somehow because right now I’m pretty happy if I can fit a warmup in there. We’ll see how that goes. I might have to delete the twitter app even…

I also tackled the muslin and sewed for half an hour, did all the ironing that has been languishing since summer (took all of twenty minutes), wrote my 500 words, and started reading through novel number one again for line-edits and for taking out the song lyrics for copyright reasons. I found that in order to finish that until the end of the month I will have to spend about thirty minutes per day on it. I hope that I can fit that in.

I did get loads of quality sleep, so that was good, no run/walk because dealing with the chimney sweep took so much time that I had to decide between starting lunch and exercising.

Today I will do the grocery shopping, and I’m glad that most of the snow has melted so that it will be easier to ride my bike to the new supermarket, and I will teach, and I hope to make more progress on the muslin. And go to bed at nine or so. And do a little cleaning. These past few weeks my weekly Friday cleaning didn’t really work out, and I can see it becoming tight this week again, so I’m trying to fit a little cleaning in every day. Yesterday I couldn’t find the rag I use for dusting so I got off on a shaky start. I did clean the mirrors, though.

It’s funny, when I write about my days it sounds like I’m all busy all day when in reality there are hours and hours of me sitting around doing nothing.

So yesterday I basically did nothing all day, as planned.

I felt pretty sick, either from too much drinking or from eating too much of the wrong food (probably a combination of both), and from lack of sleep. So I spent most of the day sitting in bed working on the crochet blanket, and painting my toenails, and reading, and talking to my husband about the concert.

We were talking a lot about striving for excellence, and about how when you’re up on stage you never play as well as you do when you practice, and I remembered the excellent „Bulletproof Musician“-blog that talks about these things a lot. I mean, I do know about how to practice and what to do, it just feels so uncomfortable and so much work. On the other hand I can either change things up or I can end up on stage forgetting lyrics and chords for the rest of my life. Totally my choice.

Now with the concert out of the way it is time to concentrate on my own stuff again. I want to finish the rough draft of the novel-in-progress until the end of the week, I want to read through the dreaded novel number one until the end of the month, and I really want to get the muslin of that dress I’ve been wanting to sew for several years now out of the way.

The week will be pretty busy as well, the chimney sweep is coming this morning, I have a doctor’s appointment because of my fatigue on Wednesday, I want to record a podcast on Thursday, and will try out a new group of writers that is meeting on Saturday.

With my leg better I also am thinking of taking up walking/running again. It’s white all over here today, so I’m not sure if I’ll just go for a walk later or if I will brave the woods and go my usual route. The only walking I did after hurting my leg was walking to and from the venue on Saturday, and that was fine.

At least I did get excellent, uninterrupted sleep last night. That really is one of the best things in the world.

I’m also only a few rounds away from finishing the crochet blanket, and have been making plans for another one, I even ordered the yarn. I’ll be making a simple ripple blanket in different shades of gray. It will be interesting to see how long it’ll take for my enthusiasm to wane on that one.

So it seems I have a nice string of projects lined up for the week. Now I just need to make progress on them.

So the house concert is over.

We basically spent all day yesterday preparing and dreading it. I baked lots of rolls, and we got all our equipment to the space where we did the concert, and we only had to go back because we had forgotten something twice.

There were only very few people there, unfortunately, the weather was rather bad with lots of snow coming down, maybe that was part of it. There had been lots of people saying that they had something else but would try coming anyway, and that didn’t really work out, of course.

The music was fun, my husband did several solo improvisations, and his friend played sitar, and I played my two songs, and was very pleased with how it went.

We came home around 1 am, the boy included, and so I only got five hours of sleep.

So I’m expecting today to involve a lot of sitting around and doing nothing, and I hope that that will restore me enough to tackle the next week.

I’m proud that I managed to get my 500 words in yesterday even though I was so nervous about the preformance, and was so busy all day, so that’s good.

And since there are only four more rounds to crochet on the huge blanket I have actually started to make plans for another huge crochet blanket. For the boy’s bed. A ripple blanket in grays and black. In acrylic. The horrors.

The planning stage of any project is always so exciting! I’m loving it.

There are pictures of the concert but they are on the big camera, and I will have to look at them, and get them on the computer first. I’m hoping that the boy took one of me playing that is not blurry.