Wow, yesterday was pretty intense.
I was all full og self-doubt and thoughts that I’m not really a writer, and impostor-syndrome and everything. At the same time I had that goal of writing at least 10,000 words, and maybe even finish NaNo that day even though I needed 12,000 words to do that.
The morning did not go well, I procrastinated mightily, and only wrote 500 words when I had planned for 2,000 and was just about to throw out everything and stop writing altogether. And my poor husband had to listen to me going on and on and on about the drama in my mind.
After lunch I decided not to let that throw me off. Just every time I was thinking about the thing that was making me upset I would just think about my novel instead. And not in a „This is all crap, I’m not a writer!“-kind of way but instead in a, „Okay, so what will be happening next?“.kind of way.
I set my little timer, and I started writing. The words flowed about as freely as molasses uphill when it’s freezing. But I persevered, and I wrote on. And after 25 minutes I took a little break. And then I started again. And I forbid myself to think about anything else but what I wanted to write, and the thing I want to knit next. (Oh, I forgot to tell, yesterday I finished the sweater I was knitting. It only need blocking.)
And I was pretty sure I couldn’t manage to write 10,000 words that day but I was set on trying anyway. And I went on with writing for a long stretch, and taking a short break. And sometimes the breaks turned a little longer, and then I started bribing myself with chocolate, and around five pm I had a massive headache, and so at 5.30 I decided to take a longer break for dinner.
I made pizza pane from the leftover pizza dough from Friday (I made twice the amount I needed by mistake), and the boy and I watched Star Trek TNG, the episode where the Borg attack earth and Ryker is captain of the Enterprise for a short while – excellent – and then I went back to writing.
I almost managed to finish the 50K but after 10,949 words I was really exhausted and it was time for bed, and my wrists were hurting and my head was aching so I called it a day.
Less than 2,000 words left I think I might be able to manage that today even though I have this big doctor’s appointment today for my scintigraphy. I had been freaking out about that one as well because that will show what kind of nodules I have in my thyroid, and that will determine whether I will need surgery or not.
But I’m practicing more mind control, and am telling myself that my thyroid is not changing because it gets looked at, this is just showing me what is so that I can make better informed decisions. And yes, I don’t quite know what to expect but then that’s okay, I don’t need to be an expert on this, that’s what the doctors and nurses are for.
So I’m looking forward to riding a train to Herrsching and the Ammersee today after breakfast, and then I’ll see.
Afterwards there will be a medium amount of students, and I’m hoping for some writing time as well, and tonight I want to go to bed early and sleep like a log until the next morning.
But I did it! I wrote 10,000 words in a day for the first time ever! And I don’t feel like not writing a single word ever again! This is awesome!