Daily Journal – Day 56: Back to school

Yesterday was the first day of teaching again after fall break. I was worried because I still don’t have my voice back but in the end things went fine. And my voice is even a little better. I did teach the one singing student without singing myself which was a little odd. I usually sing along a lot.

I also spent a lot of time thinking about the new novel, and about my process, and how much planning I really want to do or not. Because I find myself procrastinating like crazy, and I also find myself reading the first third or so of any given writing book, and then I tend to lose interest and wander off. One reason is that when the book says, „And now you need to do the exercises and not just read them.“ I get a pen and some paper, stare at the exercise, get a serious case of the dunnwannas, and put the book down. Maybe I should just read through anyway. Or maybe it is alright to abandon a non-fiction book somewhere in the middle. I did read once (and I don’t remember where) that a lot of non-fiction books have the problem that their great idea is usually not substantial enough to fill a whole book but they need to make it into one anyway, and so something between half and two-thirds of any given non-fiction book is mostly filler. I’m not sure about that but on the other hand I do have a huge pile of non-fiction books that I abandoned somewhere in the middle.

The other thing I’ve been thinking about is my pile of unread books, and my burning need to buy more and more books on top of that. It is becoming quite ridiculous. I tend to pre-order books I’m particularly interested in, like novels that belong to a series I enjoyed, or the books of certain authors. I also tend to download samples like crazy which makes me add to my „buy later“-pile. At least these days I don’t buy all of them outright.

The books I devour, though, are usually ones that I sample, download, and read immediately. And there are so many of those that the ones I have been looking forward to reading for months get pushed to the back. And I have a constant bad feeling about the piles of unread books. And the money I spend on them.

In the past I had decided at one point that I should read everything I own first, before buying more. But my tastes and needs change.

I do feel like I need to change something, though. Maybe I should stop pre-ordering books, and just put them on a list of when they get published. I also should make an effort to read the books I already have. And maybe I should stop downloading samples, though I’m a little doubtful about that.

Also I think I need to go through the non-fiction books I have marked as „currently reading“, and push through some of them, and just abandon some others. Why should I make myself read a book that I don’t enjoy? If I start reading a book on writing that I thought promising from the sample, and two chapters in I find that it’s not helping me in the least, it might be the better decision to just not finish reading that book. Just put it on its virtual shelf and forget about it.

And while I’m doing all this thinking work I also need to prepare for tomorrow’s doctor visit. I have decided to compile a little essay with my history and symptoms. Usually I go in with something like a practiced speech that would last for ten minutes, and then when the doctor asks me why I’m there I say something like, „Well, I’m tired all the time, and I think it’s hormones.“ and then I become mute and get swept up in the usual medical procedures. Someone on ravelry said that she prepares something in writing these days. I have, in the past, made a list and took a notebook but I was always to self-conscious to pull it out. We’ll see how things go with the essay.

Lots to do today, and only the usual time to do it in. Like usual.

I am feeling pretty hopeful about the novel, and my voice, though. I might be able to sing a little again on Friday when I’m teaching the next singing student, and if I write about 2,000 words per day until the end of the month I can still „win“ NaNoWriMo.