Jan 302011

So after trying a multitude of things to change my life and me for the better I’m trying to stick to one goal again. The Goal. I don’t do all that well with goals. While deadlines usually help me a lot (if they aren’t too tight.) In my experience I just state goals, get all enthusiastic about them, and then wander off. At the end of the year I often don’t even remember what I started out to do. Goals like: get to bed on time, lose weight, exercise more, become a tidy person get stated on a daily or weekly basis, and then abandoned.

But this year I thought I’d give it a try again. My one (not only but most important) goal for this year is:

Lose 10 kilos of weight or more.

I know. Pathetic, boring, and unexciting goal.

I thought I’d do it properly this time, think about my goal in advance, make it public, hold myself accountable, and such. Well, I did state it in December, I told my husband that this time I was adamant about losing weight, and that I would start January 1st. And I did. I made a few rules for myself because this time I am actually going on a kind of “diet”, and I did pretty well for about, um, two weeks. I will keep on trying, though, because defeat is not an option.

Now you might think why is my weight such a big deal? Well, for one I am heavier than I have ever been in my life. That would be quite okay if I hadn’t gained weight steadily for the past three years. While I might resign myself to be a somewhat overweight person, I can’t resign myself to be a really fat person in the near future.

I did lose weight between 2005 and 2007. My lowest weight in the past years has been about 70 kilos in the summer of 2007. this year on January first I weighed 89.9 kilos. And there were days when my weight was even higher. I could just see myself go over 100 in a few years. (And just for comparison that means that I went from a BMI of 23.1 to one of 29.7 which is quite overweight.)

Of course I had thought that if I just lived a bit better – getting enough sleep, exercise, and eat real food – that my weight might just drop by itself but it didn’t. Even adding running to the mix didn’t do it.

So after a year where I focused on becoming a happier person, I know want to focus mainly on becoming a slimmer person. My rules are:

  1. No alcohol but on special occasions. (Like my husband’s birthday and such. I found throughout this month that there were quite a few special occasions which meant an average of 1 1/1 beers per week.)
  2. No sweets but an occasional piece of dark chocolate.
  3. No crackers.
  4. No potato chips.
  5. No grazing all afternoon or evening.

At the moment I just don’t buy any foods that I tend to binge on. After almost a month of this I did buy some gummy bears for my son again but I don’t get to eat any of them. I used to store some snack foods in my studio for afternoon snacks but I cleared them all out. Now I have to go to the kitchen, get myself an afternoon snack, and that’s it.

And yes, I feel a bit defeated because I need to do this, and when I succeed I want to do it for yet another year so that in the end I might just feel like myself again. Also I want to be able to wear dresses in the summer without my thighs rubbing against each other, and I want to be able to run without my knees hurting. I’m fine so far but of course all this extra weight strains my joints.

I’ll be using this blog to hold myself accountable but I won’t turn this into a diet blog. Just know that as of today I’m weighing 88.9 kilos, on kilo down. When I started this I had told myself that if I didn’t lose at least a kilo by mid-February I would have to join Weight Watchers.

While I’m happy to have lost any weight at all, I also found myself getting lax with my rules after about three weeks. One reason was that in the beginning my husband also didn’t drink any alcohol. But then he went back to his glass of wine in the evening. One reason is that I am obviously not able to stick to any rules for any amount of time. Well, that means I have to forgive myself and do better today. And tomorrow. And the day after that. For the next few years.

I just have to be all “only today” about it, otherwise I’ll be driving myself crazy.

I still long to be a person who just eats, and that’s it but so far it hasn’t worked.

  4 Responses to “The Goal”

  1. I’m going to join you once I’m off medication (one sideeffect of my meds is constant appetit. Not so great but since they help otherwise) I lost 30kg after giving birth (having gained 25kg during the pregnancy) but I gained 8+ kg. I know I’m not overweight but since my cancer was hormon induced and since the body will produce less hormones if you are slimmer I will try to get back to 63kg (which is my well beeing weight).

    I’m not far from that, so I guess 5kg is doable 🙂 Btw. I did WW online for a while. GREAT! I highly recommend it, since it’s all the good things about WW without having to go to the groups (since I’m really not overweight I felt bad going to the meetings….)

  2. Well, i would join You too. Like tini I´m not overweight (actually about 66kg), but:
    With 63kg I´m OK, with less I feel noticeable better. At the moment my old problem venenschwäche is suddenly returned. Last year I was doing well and hoped this problem would not return. Then I missed my sport (boring) and thought it does´t matter. But suddenly I was havier and ill again. 🙁
    So one of my goals for this year is doing my fitness and loosing almost 3kg, better more.
    (For the fitness: I went the last two weeks!)

    Your rules sound very good. Have You thought about sugar in your coffee/tee or drinks? And for the wine: Maybe you can sip from time to time a bit from your husband. So you don´t renounce totally, but you drink only a little bit.

  3. These days, i am weighing about 72 kilos and would like to be in the low 60s. I am not sure about the ages of the other commenters, but I have found that I am gaining weight faster without changing my diet, so I think it’s related to my age. This last year, I gained about ten pounds, which is unusual – my weight used to only creep up and was easily managed. I find exercise so difficult now (every time I try to get a routine started, I hurt myself) so I am starting with yoga and pilates before i work up to anything aerobic. One of our plans is to put our exercise equipment in the living room and work out after dinner rather than when we get up in the morning, because if you recall, I have the same need for a decent night’s sleep that you do. I agree that cutting back on alcohol, which is only empty calories is a good plan, but If i were to quit drinking I think I would need a prescription for anti-anxiety pills or else to send my children to boarding school. (Only partially kidding!)

  4. Good luck. Calorie counting worked for me, and I am quite happy about where I am. But I do have to be vigilant. the pounds start to creep back on if I’m not.

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