I wrote this two weeks ago, and never got around to finish it. Well, I’m less depressed right now but busy again, and I need the reminder – so I declare this finished for now:
Last Saturday, when I went to another “day of mindfulness” I had an epiphany, in fact I had several but I won’t write about them all at once. I hope. The epiphany I had was that mindfulness might be the one thing that will save my life.
It’s no secret that I do have a couple of problems, for example just two days ago I told my husband that I really have a problem with my weight, and he said, “You don’t have a problem with your weight, you do have a problem with your eating habits.” Point taken. I’m dealing with depression again, and with hormones, and with depression triggered by hormones, it’s a bag full of fun here. At least I haven’t had an “overdrive”-episode since I started knitting obsessively again. I think.
The realization that cultivating mindfulness is the key to change my unconscious habits is not a new one for me, I have been knowing that for years now. I also have experienced the benefits of being more mindful. It’s only that with my life so busy I keep forgetting to make that a priority. In the drama of everyday life I keep thinking, “I don’t need to sit today, I’ll do it again tomorrow, and anyway, I already know how to do this.”
Well, as with music, knowing this doesn’t really count, you have to keep practicing. And, like with music, it’s not something that you practice for a while, and then you know how to do it, and that’s it for the rest of your life. You have to go back to it over, and over, and over, and over again.
I’m currently reading“The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness again. And I’m finding it very, very helpful. Now all I have to do is practice.
I do hope you will write about the book and your journey in the next while. I was listening to a podcast from Speaking of Faith with Krista Tipett and the person who she was interviewing was talking about mindfulness in such a way that made so much sense. He read a piece of poetry, sorry I forget who the poet’s name (from St. Lucia), in which the poet greets himself with love and acceptance, yet as a stranger. I don’t know what it was about the poem, but it brought tears to my eyes. Spent the afternoon wondering why it is I can not love myself with as much tenderness as I do others.
I really thought, when reading your last post, that you seemed rather depressed. I’m sorry I didn’t make a comment, but I didn’t want to say the wrong thing and couldn’t think of the right thing. That shouldn’t have been hard for me – I should have thought of what i might like to hear. Or need to hear. Anyway, I’m here – just a bit busier than usual doing spring clean up and having the kids on school vacation.
Good luck! I highly recommend the book “Breath by Breath: the Liberating Practice of Insight Mediation.” It is full of entertaining metaphors and helpful insights… and in my own effort to straighten out my eating habits http://www.myfitnesspal.com was a really efficient and helpful way to keep a food diary (control unconscious eating… espescially stealing the kids snacks… and my horrible portion control). I’ve lost 15 lbs for the first time since I was… well… ever. It’s been a boon to my own moral.
hate to add in another referral, but iTunes has Pema Chodron’s lecture: Getting Unstuck online and it’s really fabulous. i have insane eating issues, too. i eat and eat and eat and then cry over my weight.
it’s a tough cycle.